Gift-A-Palooza!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Santa Clause is coming to town. Oh wait, he’s already here. Yeah, one of the malls here in town got a jump on Christmas and brought in Santa a little early. I think this was a little rude for the reindeer, but what are they gonna do? I don’t think they have a union.

But anyway, Santa’s in town and the cordial cherries are stocked on the grocery shelves. You know what that means. Even though I haven’t found my fruitcakes and the radio stations haven’t gone “All Christmas, all the time!”, and the Christmas Specials haven’t started on TV, the Holiday Season is upon us. So you’d better get a hop on all that gift buying. Christmas is creeping up on you like cheap underpants.

So, to help you out (Because it the season for giving, and I just like to give. I’m just That Way.) I’ve scoured the Internet looking for Gifts That Keep On Giving. As a service. I’m just trying to help. (And by “scoured” I mean I looked at three different sites. What do you want? This is a free service after all.)

So here you go, the Official Rue DeDay Holiday 2002 Gift Guide!

The Gopher, a gift with 1,001 uses! Actually it has two, maybe three uses. But if you round up, you could get up to 1,001. New Math for the Holidays!

Tiki mugs, not just sophisticated, but HIGHLY sophiticated. You have been warned.

The Buttoneer. It says “I care enough to give you a gift, but not really that much more.”

For the Sports Fan on your list. You really can’t beat the Albino Bowler. Well, you could, but would you want to? I mean, really.

Do you know someone with feet? Then they need Phase 4. Really. They NEED Phase 4. Do not argue. Resistance is futile. (Not to be confused with scary ants.)

It’s Swiss, so you know it’s good.

Do you know someone who likes their lounge wear to give them a penguin-esque silhouette? Or maybe they have George Jetson Syndrome. (That’s where they are about normal height, but their legs are only four inches long. It’s sad. Luckily, it’s also very rare.) Then I have two words for you. Snuggle. Sack.

Now this, THIS just says, nay, SCREAMS Christmas. Get eight for Hanukkah. I don’t know how many you’d need for Kwanzaa.

Ho. Ho. Ho.
-Rue.

2

Dang, Rue, why didn’t you post this last week? I spent hours (OK, maybe 2) wandering about the St. Augustine Outlet Mall with the PerfectChild[sup]TM[/sup] last Friday, looking for gifts, racking my brain for ideas. Then you come in with these amazing suggestions! My mom is one of those what-do-you-give-to-someone-who-has-everything people, yet I know she doesn’t have a monkey skull!

Incidentally, I know you have my address - and if any of the above featured items appear in my mail box, remember that I have your address too! :eek:

Ho ho ho to you too.

3

Hmmmmmmmmmm…ya know, if somebody gave me the Albino Bowler, Scary Ants, the monkey skull or (dare I dream) a set of the Tiki Mugs for Christmas, that somebody’d be my new bestest friend forever. What treasures!

BTW, Rue the basement bears sent me an email this weekend. They don’t like being too pushy, being as they live in your basement rent free and all, so they asked me to give you a couple hints about what they’d like for Christmas. A case of cherry cordials and a keg would keep em happy. They promise in return not to drool in your trailmix while your back is turned like they’ve been doing.

4

Gee, swampbear, it’s just too bad I don’t have your address, isn’t it?
[sub]hehehehe[/sub]

5

If a bear, and I mean ANY bear were to put the squeeze on my cordial cherries (milk chocolate, not the less good dark stuff), they would be one hurt bear. I mean my trailmix, it’s bad enough THAT isn’t safe, but you mess with my cherries… I’m just sayin’.

I’m lobbying myself for a set of Tiki Mugs. But then I am a highly sophisticated guy myself. I thought it would go nice with drink monkeys. (I won’t give you a link, but you could find them if you looked. I’m sure of it.)

Snickers, maybe you Mom DOES have a monkey skull. It could explain a few things from when you were growing up. (Ha! I crack me up!)
-Rue.

6

Ya know, Rue, I always figgered you for the kinda guy who’d want Punching Nun Puppets or a Rubba Duckie Massager and Sponge…

How could I have misjudged you so - Tiki Mugs, indeed!

7

Rue, after the OP, I was all admiration and respect for you. . .until you implied that milk chocolate cordials are in some way superior to dark chocolate. I must humbly disagree. The milk chocolate kind, I could pass up without batting an eyelash, whereas, from Thanksgiving til New Year, the dark chocolates are part of my daily dietary requirements.
However, if you sent me the Bowling Albino for Christmas, I might be inclined to overlook your shortcomings :slight_smile:

Happy Holidays to everyone!!

8

A massager AND a sponge! Great googly-mooglies Snickers, two gifts in one. How could you ask for better? (But the punching nuns give me flashbacks from Catholic school. Make it stop, make it stop!)

Nori, ya pup, you weren’t paying much attention there were you? Implied? Naw, I came right out and said it. Milk chocolate lumps that goosh when you bite them with a cherry inside. Oh yeah, bay-bee, that’s the stuff.

But icky, bitter dark chocolate? What? Are you playing grown-up or something? Sheesh, I’ll bet you drink wine too. Ugh!

Additonal gift ideas from me to you:

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots! The original is back! (And Big Lots had 'em for ten smackoleans last week. They still might have one or two in stock.)

Wanna make your own crayons? Yeah ya do. I can tell.
-Rue.

9

Rue, hard as it may be to imagine, I often feel like a grown-up, and yes, I drink wine, too. Particularly like Williamsburg Winery Spiced, although their Governor’s White is what I’m serving with Thanksgiving dinner. Also, with dessert, cordial cherries in milk chocolate (no, I haven’t seen the light. but if I serve the ones in dark choclate, the mongol hordes will eat them all, and leave none for me) :slight_smile:
But thanks for all the help with the holiday shopping.

10

I visited the Archie McPhee store last weekend. And I bought my daughter a set of the tiki glasses too.

11

The Tiki glasses racer… are they wonderful?

(And don’t go all Danny Glover from Silverado on me and say “No”. I don’t think I could take it.)

And did you also get her a monkey skull? Having the Tiki glasses AND a monkey skull would make her the coolest girl EVAH!
-Rue.

12

ooh! ooh! Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots[sup]TM[/sup]! Those are so cool! I gotta go to Big Lots today!

Rue the basement bears told me they like the dark chocolate cherry cordials. Get em a couple cases of those and they’ll be happy. BTW they’re wondering how you feel about racoon carcasses as a Christmas present. I didn’t ask if they already had em. Some things I just don’t wanna know!

13

I’ll take the racoon carcasses if Rue doesn’t want 'em. I’m in the middle of a small experiment.

I’d be willing to trade a case of lager, but I don’t have any cherry cordials.

14

I’m getting a Soap Making Kit and making soap for everyone. My only problem is what fragrance to use.