Gift for EX girlfriend?

In My Humble Opinion
1

We’re both LA transplants, dated 2 years, broke up in July. I broke it off because I was unhappy . . . we just weren’t compatible in some fundamental ways, but she was really into me and the breakup was hard on us both. We’ve run in to each other from time to time and spoke on the phone a few times, but haven’t really spent time together since the split since it was too hard for her to see me.

Now she’s moving back to Boston, because there’s nothing keeping her in LA. She doesn’t have a lot of money, and the only reason she hasn’t moved already is because she can’t afford to.

While we were dating, I was her boyfriend, but also almost like a big brother as well, because she’d make bad decisions and struggle financially, and I’d help her figure things out. After we broke up, I bought her a plane ticket to visit her family, which she really appreciated.

So now she’s moving away, and even though we never see each other, I’m really sad to see her go. I’ve been approaching the post-relationship friendship based on the feedback I’ve gotten from her . . . since I broke it off, I’m just leaving her alone. She has mentioned to me that she wants to hang out one last time before she leaves. I’d hang out with her more than just that one time, but it seems to be how she wants to do it. Anyway, I care about this woman very much, and the reality of her upcoming departure is getting difficult.

So I was wondering . . . would it be inappropriate to give her some sort of gift when I see her for the last time? I have no idea what it would be. I just want to do something nice for her.

I have been counseled by my family just to get over it and move on, which is what I have been doing, but I’m faced with the reality that I’ll never see this person again for my whole life (more than likely), and want to take advantage of this opportunity.

Your opinion is much appreciated! Thank you!

2

If she’s still really into you, I think you’re sending a confusing signal if you give her a gift. Are you sure you’re so incompatible that you can’t see yourself with her? Because it looks like you still want to give it a try. If that’s not going to happen, no gifts. Just a farewell meeting. Wish her a nice life and let her move on. She’s gonna get all weirded out if you give her a present.

3

Yeah, I suppose you’re right . . . no gift. I don’t want to give it another try, because we’d end up in the exact same place. I’m just having a hard time with the fact that she’s leaving for ever, but just need to let it go. After all, I broke it off.

What do you think about this . . . would it also send a confusing message if I told her that we don’t have to see each other just this ONE last time? We work across the street from each other, and it would be extremely easy to casually get a bite for lunch or after work. I can see how this could also send a confused message as well, but the reason I ask is because I know I’ll never see this person again once she moves away.

I guess she’s made reference to this "one last time’ meeting on several occasions, so if that’s her preference, that’s how we’ll do it.

4

Definitely not. I wouldn’t even see her that last time, to be honest. She’s moving away and you’ve already decided you don’t want to be with her. She needs to move on, and getting together with you is not going to help her do that.

5

To be honest, I don’t see anything wrong with that.

It’s pretty obvious you don’t want to see her again romantically and I’m sure she knows that. She’s going through a bad time and I really think it’s a nice gesture.

I think it’d be a nice thing to do.

6

You’re right . . . I need to just leave her be, it’s the only appropriate thing at this point. But she’s the one that wants to see me that “one last time,” so I’ll go through with that. I imagine it will be dramatic and sad and shift back our “moving on” progress back a bit, but so be it. It’s this whole logic vs. emotions battle . . . logic doesn’t always win.

7

Don’t buy a present unless your getting back together, your mixing your signals. Don’t have a one night stand before you leave moment, or you may find yourself dealing with her for 18 years minimum.