Okay, I’ve known this girl for about two years, and we were good friends. Now, over the last two months, it took a turn for the more serious. And that was the last thing I was looking for. Somehow, we got to be a couple. Now, I want out of this kind of relationship. I want something more like we had before all this.
How should I tell her?
Pick your nose and flick it at her, that should either settle things down right quick or confirm that she is the greatest woman in the world.
You could also develope an annoying laugh which comes out when you are engaged in deviant sexual acts, this also gets rid of girlfriends.
But maybe you should be more descriptive? Are you poking her? Do you want to continue poking her w/o having to remember her birthday? Do you want to stop poking her? What exactly is differnt from what used to be and what is now?
It might make it easier on her if you include some information about your genital herpes.
Not that I’m complaining about the poking, but I’m not really looking for that. I’m looking to be best friends like we used to be, nothing real serious. I mean, now, this girl is practically planning our wedding.
Well, my first suggestion would be to make sure your tie matches her dress. There’s nothing worse than a mismatched Bride and Groom 
No advice, but I can tell you with about 110% certainty that there is no way it is going to go back to the way it was.
“Poking”—what a lovely term…
Have you been “poking” her for the last 2 years, or has the sex started just recently? And if the sex is a recent development, why (why, oh why) did you not think that it would change the relationship?
well, China Guy, I was afraid of that. And the poking just started last week in a pretty sudden thing. That’s what kind of woke me up. So, in light of all this, I think I’m going to just point her to this thread, and then see how she reacts.
I guess I could always take the Nick Ehart way out.
“I’ve found that the best way to break up with a girl is to sit down
with her, look deep into her eyes and say, ‘Raise your hand if
you’re Nick Ehart’s girlfriend.’ When she does, I say, ‘Slow down
there, Champ.’ The rest seems to take care of itself.”
Wait, wait, wait. Back up. If you “just wanted to be friends”, then why did you sleep with her in the first place? I understand these things can happen, but you seem to be implying that you are continuing to sleep with her. If so, why?
I also second what ChinaGuy said- things will never go back to the way they were. Once you have carnal knowledge of another human being, you’ve crossed a certain line in the relationship, and no matter how much one might pretend otherwise, things have changed.
And, please tell me you were just joking when you made the above comments about pointing her to this message board and telling her some ‘Nick Ehart joke’. This girl, if what you say is true, seems like she’s really very interested in you, and treating her in such a fashion would not only hurt her badly, but would be a dirty scumfuck thing to do. I apologize for the language here in IMHO, but I’m starting to get a little riled. Please think about what you’re doing, JimSox5. Humans are emotionally fragile creatures. Please don’t make me take you to the Pit so early in your (and my) SDMB career.
It feels weird to be giving such sane advice – but why don’t you try talking to her, particularly about your fears that you’re roped and tied, and altar-bound. You may find she’s just enjoying having a good friend as a bf.
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JimSox5 – I like that sig, it reminds me of Mr Zimmerman’s
“Everyman’s conscience is vile and depraved, you cannot depend on it to be your guide, when it’s you who must keep it satisfied”
Where’s yours from?
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The poking has not continued, for whoever that was that asked. It was a one time thing. I was joking about the Nick Ehart thing. And Steven Wright said my sig line, I need to add that in. I found it at www.joescafe.com
Hi Jimsox5,
Look, just be honest and tell her that you don’t have those particular feelings for her. If she’s a good friend, she will understand. If she doesn’t understand, then move on and realize that a friend-relationship is not going to work. Ok? Good luck.
–pinky
Why do I get the feeling that we will soon hear about how she dumped him and how he wants her back?
But that aside, things will never be as they were. Things never are, so don’t sweat it. Tell her how you feel. It might end the relationship…but it can start all over again after she gets over the pain.
Things may never be exactly how they were, but you may very well still get to keep her as a friend, if you’re both careful. I’m friends with plenty of exes; in fact, a few years ago I drove from Chicago roundtrip to Wyoming in 3 days to go to an ex’s wedding (as a welcome guest, not a gatecrasher). The ex who had come immediately after me was not only also there, but made the wedding rings. (We did both sit at the same table at the reception saying, “Dude, isn’t this weird?”, but were both very happy to be there and to witness our mutual ex’s happiness.)
In fact, I’m more pissed at my most recent ex for blowing me off entirely as a friend than I am for breaking up with me. Hopefully someday he’ll come around. If I didn’t care about people as human beings, I wouldn’t get romantically involved with them in the first place, and it takes a hell of a lot for the caring to go away. Sometimes I wish I could just be indifferent about people who hurt my feelings; it would make my life a lot easier.
If you’re not into the idea of having a romantic relationship, though, in the end you aren’t doing anyone any favors by pretending that you are. Be honest, and good luck.
Depends how old she is. At 80 they are pretty resilent. Give it some time, guys tend to
feel this way after sex sometimes but the feeling changes when you get horny again