Any interesting stories?
I like a girl that I have known as a friend for about 3 years. Any tips on the conversion?
hmm, this should be interesting…
have you thought of asking her directly… or would that not be the best way to approach the situation?
Chief’s Domain - http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi
Nearly impossible. She’ll give you the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” speech. I think it’s #4.
But if you do manage it, it’ll probably be the best experience of your lives. Yes, both of you.
Of course, my experience in the success area is rather limited.
None. No tips whatsoever. Man, I was friends with this one chic since like seventh grade up thru college. I was insanely infatuated with her the <font size=+2 color=red>WHOLE</font> time. And since she did no dig me in “that way”, it never went any further. If you have been hangin’ around some broad for 3 years and nothin’ has happened, chances are it never will. I finally was able to lay the issus to rest by coming clean wiht her, like it’s no bigt deal.
Somthing to the effect of
Is what I said. She told me I was sweet and all that shit, but that I didn’t do it for her–she dates really ugly, arty, smelly, greasy, guys so I guess that’s a compliment. So that was why we couldn’t hook up on an intimate level.
So I don’t know, but the come right out and say “I want you” approach makes the most sense to me.
Noonch.
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
I recommend you get some of those spray-on pheromones that make you irresistible to women. Of course, it might work on all women, which means you will have to politely fend off the advances of that nice white-haired lady who works at the county library.
Seriously, though, I think it’s pretty rare that it’s successful. I was good friends with a year or two with my first girlfriend, before we were involved. Of course, we were about 16, so maybe age has something to do with it.
Any similarity in the above text to an English word or phrase is purely coincidental.
Sing (with gusto):
I want you
I want you so bad
I want you,
I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, it’s driving me mad.
My thoughts on this matter are a little different from those listed above. I think you should determine whether your feelings for her are worth risking the friendship, if you decide that is so then talk with her about it. I don’t think you should just give an all dramatic “I love you, have my children !” statement or something like that which is bound to throw her emotions into an uproar. Maybe the better way is to ask her friend to friend if she has ever thought about taking it to the next level, getting her ideas and point of view on the topic. That way, if she is only interested in being your friend you can continue to do that. But thats just me, I could be wrong . . . .
“A single lifetime, even though entirely devoted to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject.” - Seneca
Ok, here’s a question: what if (say in theory) you are a female, and you have a good friend who is a male. You are aware of his feelings for you, but have thought it out logically, and have come to the conclusion that a relationship would never work between you A.) because you are not attracted to him, and B.) You are both bitter, cynical, sarcastic people, and you (youself) get enough cynicism from yourself without getting into a relationship with someone MORE cynical than yourself. (grammatically incorrect, I know.)
He has never brought the subject up, but you just KNOW he’s waiting for you to signal something. You genuinely enjoy this human being, but know that a relationship with him would make you hate him, and vice versa. You do NOT want to be the bitch who pulls the “Lets just be friends…” line, because…well, she pisses you off. But in the end, that is EXACTLY what you want to communcate, without hurting him. Any thoughts on how to handle this situation?
Um…and it’s purely hypothetical.
Habit rules the unreflecting herd. - Wordsworth
One of my best and dearest friends is a guy. He is someone I love dearly and at one time thought a relationship would be a good idea because we got along so well.
We have maintained a close friendship, and he is my confidante even about matters of the heart. He is someone I would trust with any secret I had and most of all, he is totally honest with me.
I was good friends with my husband too before we started to date. These things can either work or not work… sometimes there is just no way to tell ahead of time. But sometimes you just have to take the chance or lose out on something that could be really wonderful.
Go for it and see what happens.
We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another
The trouble with going from friend boy to boyfriend is that very few women are willing to sacrifice a friend for what may amount to only a fling. Good male friends are so much more difficult to find than guys interested in dating/sleeping with you (I mean, her. Whatever.)
In terms of rank generalization, women tend to categorize men pretty early on as friend or potential romantic partner. Women treat male friends completely different from potential boyfriends. We’re much more open with male friends, we let our guard down much sooner, we share things with male friends that we might not ever share with a boyfriend.
To switch over, you’re going to have to understand what a precarious position you’re putting her in. You know things about her that she’d never share with a boyfriend so early. You know all of her insecurities, vanities, and buttons to push. She’ll probably feel very vulnerable.
There’s also the chance she might feel betrayed - as in “you were only my friend in order to get me into bed”. I’m not saying that’s true, just that it’s happened to most women more than once, and we tend to be a little paranoid.
What you’re asking for is going to require a lot of trust and hard work on her part, so you’d probably better make it worth her while, capiche?
And good luck.
A friend of mine once gave me this advice, which I really like.
If you’re sitting around, having a beer or coffee, when the conversation gets to a lull, say something like, “I think you are very attractive. I would really enjoy it if we would have a more serious kind of relationship.” The key is in delivery: look her right in the eyes, and say it in a distinctly matter-of-fact manner, just as if you were commenting on the importance of water and oxygen to human survival.
Pause for a few beats, and return to whatever conversation you were having. Ball in her court, awkward rejection averted by returning to the original topic.
Well, there’s that, or you could rub a Hershey’s Chocolate Bar behind your ears (women love the smell of chocolate) and let her know that it’s important to you that there be a relationship before you have hot nasty sex. Hey, that’s the kind of sensitive caring guy you are.
“That’s right, I fucked her! But baby, I made LOVE to you!”
Enright3
Back when I was single, I was the boy friend a lot more often than I was the boyfriend. My thoughts echo phouka’s on this - women really don’t want to risk a good, stable friendship with a guy; they’re too valuable a commodity for them.
But there’s another dynamic (or, really, the lack of one) going on here as well: BF-GF sorts of relationships don’t just start out of nothing; there’s that sparkle, flirtation, sexual tension in the air between the couple first.
That state can only last for so long before it goes one way or the other: to a romantic and physical relationship, or to comfortable friendship. (Or it can dissolve into nothing, I suppose.) You miss this window of opportunity with a woman, and it’s pretty much gone.
Sometimes it can come back again, but it usually takes something significant to change how the woman views the man. This can happen in the high school years, sometimes, just because everyone’s changing so fast. Sometimes it can happen when you and she lose touch for awhile and then resume contact. But even then, you can usually tell pretty quickly whether you’ve slipped back into the comfortable old roles, or whether there’s some extra magic in the air.
It’s hard - probably impossible - to make the magic be there if it just isn’t. And if I were single again, the only reason I’d ever try to shake up a longtime M-F friendship like that is if I thought we belonged together for the rest of our lives. Put anything less on the table, and it’s just not enough to give the woman any reason to risk it.
If that’s the way you truly feel, and can convey how serious you are, that might be enough to make her see you, and your relationship, in a new light. But it goes without saying that you don’t play that card if you aren’t absolutely serious about it.
Kill her.
Kill her now, before this goes any further.
You’ll thank me later.
I sympathize, as a girl who wanted to turn the boy friend into a boyfriend.
From The Internet Movie Database quotes entry for Chasing Amy
I’ve never seen the movie, but this is the quote that makes me want to.
Good luck. I wouldn’t suggest this speech specifically, but… Just tell her how you feel, and be prepared for an awkward period between you both if she doesn’t feel the same way. But make it clear to her that you want to stay friends even if she’s not interested in the girlfriend thing. And mean it. She doesn’t want to lose your friendship. This is the main thing that will worry her, if she is interested in you as more than a friend.
Have you ever tried to tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?
Pixoid - yeah, that’s it exactly. If that’s how you feel, regardless of whether you’re the man or the woman, you’ve got to turn that into your own words, and put it in play. Anything that doesn’t reach that level, you don’t queer the friendship.
Thank you all for the advice. But I think I should have been more clear in my origional post. As many of you have said, we have been out alone before, so it is not the awkardness of asking her out that I am concerned with. Its more that I also don’t want to lose a good friend.
Been there twice, on the receiving end, one worked out good, one worked out very bad. here are the stories:
I was really good friends with this guy for a number of years. I had heard that he was interested but didn’t really do anything about it. When he asked me out the first time I said no. Amazingly enough we stayed friends. But this planted a seed in my brain. I saw him differently and asked him out a few weeks later. We were together a year and a half.
Bad story:
Best friends with this guy. I had a boyfriend at the time, but he was away. We spent a lot of time together, but still just friends. The day before I left to go and visit my boyfriend, he told me he had fallen in love with me. My honest reaction? What do you expect me to do with that? If I don’t love you back the friendship’s over, if I do my relationship is over. I thought it was very selfish of him at the time. Looking back I know i should’ve been nicer. We did stay friends for a number of years, but deep down, I think he was just hoping he would get a chance.
It’s a tough, tough move. As soon as it happens it can totally destroy the friendship. I’m just grateful I have never been on the other end. Good Luck!
Pixoid:
In Chasing Amy the reason Alyssa is going to shoot down Holden is because she is lesbian. It’s a very cool movie about “forbidden” love.