Give and take in a non-marriage relationship?

[Anaamika]

There is just no flexibility. He might have been able to avoid it if he’d said, “The night with my friends is really important to me, they are my best friends and have been with me through thick and thin, I’ll make it up to you with a nice anniversary _____ the next night”.

She could have also stated her case a little better. “Our anniversary means a lot to me.”

But it sounds like she has put her foot down that HE will have fun with HER and no one else that night, and he has put his foot down that HE will be with his friends.

They sound terribly, heartbreakingly young. Hopefully they will learn to compromise as they get older.

And I don’t agree it’s childish because it’s Star Wars. Star Wars is just the excuse for old friends to get together.

FTR, we do not celebrate anniversaries…the first one we celebrated was our fifteenth year of being together. I figured that warranted a celebration. But we didn’t do it in the day or even the month of the anniversary itself!

[Mrs.Cake]

This is what trial relationships are for - finding out what is important to you and how to make compromises with another person. Better to find out while you are young and single what you are willing to put up with or sacrifice (without keeping a tally). Public drama is for the young. Hopefully they will get over it and be happy with other partners, taking a valuable lesson with them.

hah - for me, the trauma would not have been that he is spending an important day with his friends instead of me, but that he’s watching “Star Wars” with his buddies and I wasn’t invited. That would have been a relationship dealbreaker.

[Anaamika]

@Mrs.Cake

This is what trial relationships are for - finding out what is important to you and how to make compromises with another person. Better to find out while you are young and single what you are willing to put up with or sacrifice (without keeping a tally). Public drama is for the young. Hopefully they will get over it and be happy with other partners, taking a valuable lesson with them.

hah - for me, the trauma would not have been that he is spending an important day with his friends instead of me, but that he’s watching “Star Wars” with his buddies and I wasn’t invited. That would have been a relationship dealbreaker.

Yeah, you know, this is a good point. Why can’t I come?

[CrazyCatLady]

@Anaamika

Yeah, you know, this is a good point. Why can’t I come?

Because they’re going to spend the evening talking about how crazy and unreasonable you are, and you being there would just make it awkward.

[Incubus]

Strikes on her:

-Making a public scene. In fact, the only reason we know about all of this is because people overheard the arguement.

-Putting herself in competition with his hobbies when they are two different things.

-Belittling his hobby. It would be the same as if she had a ‘girls night’ that took precedence over their date, and he belittled her get together.

Strikes on him:

-Not making an effort to compromise on something he did for six years, maybe working dinner around it on the same day, or bringing her along.

-Dragging out the arguement publicly. He should have quietly told her they’d discuss it later.

[Anaamika]

@CrazyCatLady

Because they’re going to spend the evening talking about how crazy and unreasonable you are, and you being there would just make it awkward.

Awwww.

[Tastes_of_Chocolate]

@akennett

The other thing is that it’s freakin’ Star Wars. By the time you’re old enough to have a girlfriend, you should be over that shit.

Huh? First - Why the hell should I be over it?
Second - This obviously isn’t about the movies, it’s about the bonding and the ritual. Hell, I own those same VHS tapes, and I’m sure I could get replacements if I looked around. So the choice really isn’t Star Wars VS dinner, it’s friends vs girlfriend.

They both need to take a good look at their priorities, and decide what’s important. Or… grow up.

[Draelin]

@Mrs.Cake

hah - for me, the trauma would not have been that he is spending an important day with his friends instead of me, but that he’s watching “Star Wars” with his buddies and I wasn’t invited. That would have been a relationship dealbreaker.

Exactly. She’s wrong, he’s wrong, but most importantly, he is clearly dating the wrong kind of girl if a Star Wars marathon is that important to him and yet not even a blip on her radar.

But I actually think she’s more wrong than he is. The argument reads like she believes the anniversary doesn’t count if whatever celebration doesn’t take place on the exact anniversary date. That’s bullshit. Would she have been as upset if he couldn’t make it because he had Important Sports Game tickets? A family event? Or is she just pissed that he’s picking Star Wars over her?

Because to me, it doesn’t seem like a difficult choice.

[Aspidistra]

@DigitalC

Anniversaries are for married people, I wouldn’t even know what date to use as a first year anniversary with a girlfriend. The day you got married is a day you should celebrate every year, first date or first time you met or first time you hung out with a buncha friends or first time you hooked up after meeting at a bar is not.

Absolutely. He may not even have known that the date of the marathon was what she regarded as “our anniversary” until after he’d already told her he was going out that night.