I’m interested in a coworker. Easy on the eyes, fun to talk to, has good taste in music and movies. I’ve only been working there about a month, and only recently “noticed” (in a he-might-be-dateable sense) this guy (after we’d had some good conversations).
I invited him out for a beer after work on Sunday. He suggested we invite another coworker who ended up going fishing instead, so it was just the two of us. Talked til the bar closed, went to a cafe and talked some more. Not a lull in the conversation for more than 5 hours.
I’m working with him again tomorrow, and now I’m really interested. But seeing as how I asked him out first, I don’t want to seem desperate. What should I do?
Things that suggest asking him out again:
[ul]
[li]he fixed his hair and put on aftershave/cologne before we left[/li][li]he gave me one of his cds to listen to[/li][li]really good conversation[/li][/ul]
Things that suggest I wait:
[ul]
[li]he suggested inviting another coworker[/li][li]I already made the first move[/li][/ul]
What should I do? It wasn’t a date, but I would really like for there to be a date sometime soon. We work together tomorrow, so need advice fast!
Hmm. You had a good time, he tarted up a little for you; those are definitely pluses. Maybe mention to him tomorrow that you had a good time Sunday, that you like the cd he loaned to you, and either wait for him to make the next move or ask him to go to a concert or something in the near future. It does appear that he likes you, but as we have learned on these boards, guys can be extremely clueless right up to the point where you throw him on the bed and hop on top of him.
That just means he was initially tentative. Still, while I’m not a Rules woman or anything maybe the best thing you can do is make it clear how much you enjoyed yourself and tell him you two should do it again soon.
Definitely straight, or at least bi, because he’s mentioned an ex-girlfriend in passing. Single, pretty sure, but don’t know how to ask. He currently shares a room in a house with a (female) coworker of ours, a situation very few women would be comfortable with, I’m sure. And he hasn’t mentioned a girlfriend at all in a month’s worth of conversations.
But I have to work with this guy! I have no problem being bold, but it would be a little embarassing to basically say, “Hey, I wanna do it to you” if he is taken and/or not interested.
The extra co-worker was likely because he wasn’t sure it was a date. It doesn’t make sense, but it the type of idiocy I pulled when I was single and a girl asked me out on a non-date.
If he isn’t single he will let you know soon enough. It won’t be that bad if he isn’t, but from what you are saying it doesn’t sound like he is attached.
Tell him you had a good time and hope that you can hang out again soon. You won’t seem desperate, just interested. And that is a good clear signal. The thing I hated most about being single was getting muddy signals, even worse when you interpret them incorrectly.
It wouldn’t bother me; I’d be flattered. I’d be sorry to hurt your feelings - if taken or not interested was the answer - but you’d get an answer as honest as your question, and it wouldn’t affect my ability to work with you.
Embarassing? Yes. No one has died of embarrasment that I know of, only wished they would. You’d get over it, and if he’s the guy you think he is, he would too.
If you want to get Byzantine about it, you could ask any other coworker that you trust not to gossip.
In light of another recent thread (a guy asking out his new, female coworker), the usual warnings should be made. If it sours, working with him will be very, very uncomfortable. Especially if he lives with another coworker. Though I sense this isn’t a corporate job, but something with shifts. Am I right?
I understand the potential problems with dating a coworker. This isn’t my career, just something to pay the bills till I finish school, so if things go really bad finding another job wouldn’t be out of the question. But it is a shift job, so scheduling changes could be made to avoid seeing him.
At this point, I’m more worried about embarassing myself.
Meh, if that is your biggest concern you are fine. If he says no or is not single you will be a little embarassed, but you will get over it. It would be worse if you didn’t try to go for it, then you have regret which *really * sucks.
I, for one, have NEVER had a problem with women who let me know they are interested. As far as I can tell it is a myth that men get turned off by that and if it’s true I don’t know any of these men. If you want to be able to save a bit of face just tell him that you would like to do it again soon, and then the ball is in his court. But don’t do nothing. You will regret doing nothing.
I have been on the embarassed side and the regretfull side of your situation, the regret is worse.
I think rule #1 is to be yourself. If you’re ok with being assertive/aggressive, then go with that. You can put on an act but obviously you’ll have to drop that sooner or later, so don’t start.
If you want to be more oblique, why not “relive” some of the moments with him? “That sure was funny yesterday when…” or “I really liked it when we…” Etc. Work in complimentary remarks about him. And of course the capper is, basically, “We’ll have to do that again, soon!”
ETA: I like women who are assertive/aggressive. It isn’t always easy to tell what women are thinking, so feel free to push a little in making sure he knows where you stand.
First ever post after lurking for months and finally signing up… ::nervous::…
Roses, there’s no rush. You work with the guy, right? It’s not like you met him at a bar and must make your move right now otherwise you’ve missed the potential father of your children. Tell him, casually in normal colleague chat at some point during the week, that you’re heading out to X bar at the weekend and does he fancy coming along.
He says yes, you launder your bedclothes and buy a scented candle He says, no, you grin in an evil fashion, cackle (hand rubbing optional), and say, Well, y’know, it’s just that me and my mates (implied: 20 mates, most of whom might be hairy scary bikers) were heading down to the F**k Bunker for a gig and thought you might like to join us.
Single? If he spent five hours with you, he better be.
Bring up kids (your nieces or nephews) and ask if he has any. If he says yes, ask if he and the mom are still together.
If he says no, and doesn’t add that he’s single, or divorce, or whatever, watch out.
As for his room-mate, there are room-mates and there are “Um-Room-mates.” If you are poaching, someone will tell you.
But you’re right; after you tell him you had a nice time, the next move is up to him. [He probably snuck a call to the other person and told them to cancel.]
This is what my best friend’s husband just told me. Plausible.
Still wondering what to do if the ball is in his court. He’d asked me for movie recommendations before, what about bringing in a movie for him to borrow?
It might just be me, but the best “I dunno how you feel, but I really like you” date I ever had was a breakfast date before work.
She asked if we could have breakfast (NOT coffee) before work one day. We sat in the back of a half empty restaurant for an hour before work, chatted and relaxed. Early in the morning there is no pretense, no false alcohol bravado - just a nice 1 on 1 talk. Mornings are a naturally open, sort of intimate time anyway.
We spent most of the day after that grinning at each other and ended up asking each other out at the end of the day. All was well.
PS: Watching a cute woman run her buttery toast in the egg yolk and then seeing her pull it into her mouth with her tongue is possibly the sexiest thing a woman can do in public at 7 AM.
He says, no, you grin in an evil fashion, cackle (hand rubbing optional), and say, Well, y’know, it’s just that me and my mates (implied: 20 mates, most of whom might be hairy scary bikers) were heading down to the F**k Bunker for a gig and thought you might like to join us.