I was having a debate with a friend of mine at work. He’s got it in his head that a lady coworker of ours has affections for me. I tried to assure him that she did not as I asked her our and she politely blew me off. [I asked her out several months ago.]
When I explained to him I only asked her out the one time, he thought this was absolutely ridiculous. “Surely I should not have given up so easily!” he exclaims.
My thoughts are, getting turned down once stings enough, why would I want to do that again? That, aside from the whole respect issue.
So ladies, I have to ask: Have you ever initially turned down a date from someone and then later agreed after several requests from said person?
And if so, how did that work out for ya’?
In your opinion, should I ask the above mentioned lady out again?
[I’ve addressed this post to the ladies, but really, I’m interested in everyone’s opinion.)
No, an will even go so far as to say I can’t imagine me ever doing this. Being a decisive person, if I turn someone down, I mean it. I would not appreciate being asked out again. Especially by a coworker.
Hell no. Your friend is crazy for suggesting that. The ball is officially in the lady’s court now. If she has changed her mind about you, expect her to initiate. Otherwise, you should assume her “no” still stands until the end of time.
Totally agree with post #2. Asking her out again might make her feel creeped out.
It reminds me of a dating tip when I was in high school from our Latin teacher (he was a superb teacher, by the way): he said (paraphrasing from memory) “when it comes to women, the key is persistence. Persistence, persistence, persistence.”
He was in his 50s, never married, no kids, and no relationship.
She turned you down for any of a number of reasons, from you just not being her type, to her being in a relationship already. Some of those things are immutable, and some may change. We live in an age where a woman can ask a man out, so if it happens that she turned you down because she just started seeing someone else, and wants to see where it goes, and six months later, it has gone no where, she may remember your interest, and ask you to lunch.
If you are just not someone she is interested in, persistence is not going to have its reward, and may get you reported to HR, as others have noted.
How successful is your friend in relationships? is he really someone whose advice is worthy here? Remind him that some states have actually criminalized “persistence.”
I have initially turned someone down for a date, yet later on developed an interest in dating them. With that said, the ball was then in my court and I did the asking. Worked out well enough.
My opinion: She had her chance to do it the easy way. If she is now interested, she needs to be the one to address it with you. For the record, though, I think dating a co-worker is a bad idea.
Yeah, sorry, we’re a few decades too late for this. Women, as a group, really want their No to mean No and that’s utterly incompatible with “playing hard to get” so the only smart thing to do is assume she is not and never will be interested - and should she change her mind at some time in the future, do feel free to be equally indifferent.
Whew! Thank you guys, sanity restored!
I was only entertaining the idea because of the way he says she talks about me. But like y’all point out, even if she has had a change of heart, the ball is in her court.
I’ve turned down a date from someone and the fact that they respected my “No” and backed off and became friends, sparked my interest in them, and the next time, I approached them. You bet your ass I can make it clear to a guy that I am interested in him without directly asking him, and I did so.
If she wanted you to do so, she would have given you strong indications.
I also think dating a coworker is a bad idea though! Nobody wants to see your drama!
That’s a point. If she said “No” because there’s someone else, you can ruin your chances of being the next guy, by annoying her, and losing any chance you ever had with her.
I would say ‘no’ means ‘no’
and you shouldn’t ask again.
However I will add that I know a few women, and young ones too, who won’t go out with a man unless he makes several attempts to ask them out. They feel if he is not willing to make several attempts then he isn’t really interested in them.
They spend a lot of nights alone.
That said, would you really want to date that kind of woman?
Are you guys social outside of work at all? Happy hours or shared friends?
There’s one girl I asked out in the office a few years ago - she said no but we still went on to become pretty good friends. We do triathlons together so meet up frequently to practice swimming, or take bike rides around White Rock Lake when the weather is nice. We have shared friends and meet a once or twice a month for drinks. We’re friends, and I always respected that boundary. She recently left the company though and now seems to be sending signals but who knows… It’s tough to get used to somebody as a friend and then try to push for romance when it’s never been in the equation before.
She’s gonna stop talking about you in such glowing terms, immediately following you asking her out again, is my guess. She clearly currently is very happy with the nature of the existing relationship, as it stands. Be happy with that.