Sorry to continue the hijack here but Biggirl and Manda JO are entirely correct - of all the things I’ve lost over the years, the only ones I miss are my irreplaceable yearbooks (and yes, we do write in them - I had notes from people I haven’t seen in 20 years in them), and the comics that my sister and I spent years collecting together. Now that I think about it, I wish I had tried harder to get them back. He was abusive and I left with a police escort, but I should have found a way to get my treasures back. So yeah, keep on trying, Ace. Bend over backwards to make it easy for her to get them to you, if that’s what it takes.
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles and hope that you feel better soon…
but for future reference, follow featherlou’s advice as much as possible! I bailed my ex out financially once and to this day he hasn’t given back my 1000$. I asked for it once right after we broke up and he snidely told me that I had no “legal claim” after which I shut up about it. That was a while ago now and I’ve learned my lesson: don’t give away things if it is going to really upset you if you don’t get them back.
Anu
anu-al1979: If you are reasonably close in time, you do have a fine legal claim for it, take him to small claims court, repeat your story, and get a judgment, and waive it in his face for years to come.
I don’t think Ace needs counseling. He just wants his stuff back. That doesn’t seem too unreasonable.
Ace, I’d ask her to meet you at a neutral place to return your ring and pin. And if she continues to put you off, I’d take Sparticus’ advice and file a small claim against her.
Good luck.
Just chill out, Ace309.
You said yourself, you gave these things to her.
So what if she asked for her stuff back? So what if you gave her stuff back? Frankly, she seems very unpleasant and selfish. You’re lucky to be rid of her.
If you want your stuff back, call the police, or sue her in civil court.
If you gave them to her, she is under no obligation to return them. Period. End of story.
Ditto. My advice: Move on. Get over it.
Wow, yojimboguy just said what I was gonna say.
This really isn’t about the ring. Let it go.
Why does she want his class ring and pin? Is it spite? Maybe she’s the one that needs counseling. All Ace wants is things that have a use to him. His class ring and pin remind him of who he is and what he accomplished. What good do they do sitting on his ex’s dresser except to make him mad? Who wants the class ring of someone who they broke up with because he was “moving too fast”? Is it some sort of trophy?
Uh… no, I assure you, it’s really about the ring.
I’m past the stage where I think I can get back with her, and considering the fact that the new guy is nothing like me, I can only assume that she’s no longer interested in ‘guys like me.’ She wants to resume the friendship we had… fine. She was a good friend when we weren’t dating. We didn’t work out. Live and learn.
But first, I’d really like the ring and pin I gave her, because, well, she really should give them back. You pin someone for as long as you date them, and it’s the same with the class ring; at least, those are ‘the rules’ that our peer group has always dealt in. Considering I was compliant enought to give her the real gifts she gave me back, well, hell… I think the least she could do is give me the two things I want back. She likes the real gifts I gasve her… fine, she can keep them. No big deal.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that it’s generally understood, maybe only among this age group or our particular group of friends, that the ring and the pin (or, for example, if I had given her my letter jacket or my wrestling club’s fan shirt when she came to a tournament) are considered ‘different.’ It’s hard to articulate because there’s no real good reason for it, but meh.
IANAL (and I take it that all those encouraging Ace and others to pursue legal action aren’t either).
Things that Person A gives to Person B are gifts. Generally speaking, unless it can be proven that the gift was received under fraudulent circumstances, gifts belong to the recipient and the giver has no legal claim to them. Ace’s ring and pin belong legally to the ex. anu-la’s $1000 bucks probably belong legally to the ex. The same, btw, would go for all those letter sweaters, yearbooks, comics collections and engagement rings. The moral of the story is that if you give someone a gift you have no reasonable expectation of having it returned. If you want to give somebody something and then make them give it back when you break up, get it in writing before you give it to them.
Again, IANAL (I am a paralegal) and YMMV by jurisdiction. I just get annoyed when I see people who obviously haven’t a clue in the world (and yes, I Am Sparticus, I am looking at you) start spouting off on legal principles.
Oh, and the people who suggest calling/writing/pestering the ex every day until she gives them back? That’s called harrassment and stalking, both of which are pretty darn illegal.
None of this is meant to touch on the moral/ethical issues involved. I’m totally with Ace that the ex should give back things which so clearly are so sentimentally important to him and which are largely meaningless to her outside the context of the now-defunct relationship.
WHAT?? HOLY SHIT!! You mean that laws don’t necessarily have anything to do with ethics and morality? I’m stunned 
(sorry - I’ve had one sip of coffee so far, the ol’ neurons are misfiring)
If all this hooplah is about “gifts”, it seems that Ace has a case to argue that the pin n’ ring were loans, based on the accepted norms of his pier group. Going after her in small claims would either make her dig in her heels, or decide it’s not worth it. Similarly, pestering her /may/ cause her to whip you with a harassment suit, but only if she feels like it’s worth it. It’s not like you’re asking to get back together with her, or something unreasonable.
Lemme ask you: is she the kind who’d tough it out just to spite you? Or do you think she’ll eventually cave? Is she really motivated by wanting to keep a trophy? Or just a flake who really “wants” to get stuff back, but doesn’t really want to deal with it?
Actually, in some states, for example, NY, a gift given in contemplation of a marriage must be returned if the engagement is terminated, no matter who did the terminating. So engagement rings have to be returned.
Seems to me that Ace has the same sort of argument here–at least morally–if it is established in his peer group that pins and class rings should be returned whern the relationship ends, the ex should return them. Of course, he might not have a leg to stand on in court, but that isn’t the same as saying she has no obligation to return them.
Oh fuck! My psycho ex works for fucking Hallmark! :eek:
I read this thread last night, and it really pissed me off.
All I can say is I completely understand your point, and I hope you get the ring and pin back.
Maybe backing off a little (as hard as that may be to do) would help. She is messing with you. I’m not sure what pleasure she is getting from this, but there is a point where even though she is WRONG, you will come off looking like some selfish freak or stalker. As a few posters have already suggested. You’re not, of course. But some people will hang that label on you.
You sound like a good person with a lot to offer. Hope you have better luck with your next girlfriend.