On vacation this week and suffering through the near to half hour delays relating to ‘taking a quick dump’ by the various men in my life, I simply have to ask…what is taking you folks so long in there?
Understandably, a healthy poop is going to take longer than a pee, what with the more extensive clean up and such, but honestly, when I finally am ‘moved’ to empty my bowels it takes no more than 45 seconds total. Firstly, I don’t even head off to the ladies room until I’m just about touching cloth, and then…it’s a pretty…streamlined process.
Last night, my husband was in the bathroom “punishing the toilet” for no less than twenty five minutes. My father, I remember growing up, used to go to the bathroom and be gone for great portions of the evening, taking along hefty tomes of reading to pass the time.
Are my bowels built differently? Do other women take this long? Does it have to do with body size?
I just want to know what the H you guys are doing in there.
We forget why we’re there and get engrossed in what we’re reading. That and the fact that it’s impossible to tell whether the job is done. (It always feel like there’s more to come if we push hard enough)
I’ve always wondered how women can manage to not make the house stink after a slash.
When I was younger I could get the deed over in under a minute a day. On schedule too, same time every morning. Since turning 30 or so, I’ve started taking longer. Some days it takes me up to 10 or 15 minutes if I want to finish in one stretch, or I can relieve the pressure in a couple minutes but I’ll be returning later in the day if I do that. I rarely take reading material but the bathrooms here at work usually have something to browse through while I’m in there.
I don’t understand the ‘bathroom campout’ phenomenon, either. For one thing, reading on the toilet or in any other way artificially prolonging the amount of time you spend in that position is a good way to develop hemmorhoids. If you can’t get in and do your business quickly and efficiently, you need more fiber in your diet. (Of course, some people do have physical problems with elimination relating to disease or medication, but I’m talking about allegedly healthy people here.)
I wonder about this as well, and have come up with my own little theory. Since women sit down every time, we get more ‘chances’ to go. Like sometimes I will not know I could go until I am already sitting there, then I do. So women get it out in smaller increments and go more often so it doesn’t take as long. Men ‘save it up’ until they feel like it’s been too long or whatever, so it takes them longer. What Lobsang and P_T_ are saying seems to back this up, as I don’t have issues of feeling like I could go more, I know when I’m done, presumably because I go whenever there is anything there. (I have no real data to back this up, but it’s the only difference I can think of that might cause the time discrepancy.) I have also noticed that men seem to have ‘urgent’ needs to go more than I do, again maybe because I go more often overall.
We need a man to volunteer to sit every time he goes for a while and see if it alters his schedule.
It depends. Sometimes I’m in and out, other times I take a while. I guess it depends on what I’ve been eating. (If I haven’t been eating veggies for a few days, it takes longer).
I believe Steve put it best in “Coupling” (the real one, not the POS American version NBC tried to pawn off on us last year). He said something along the lines that it’s our Fortess of Solitude.
Seriously. it’s the one place we can go and actually be alone for long periods of time.
(Good ol’ Uncle John’s. There’s always something good to read.)
“What’s that sweetie? I can’t hear you . The exhaust fan is running and it’s pretty loud in here”
(Now where was I? Ooh, look. Stupid crook stories.)
Like some others have said, if you’re actively ‘pushing’ out poop, then your bowels weren’t ready for a bowel movement. That’s bad for you.
And Guin, as I’ve said on this board a million times, I have a terrible diet, particularly now on Atkins, and i only poop twice a week at MOST, and still, when I feel it comin’, I sit down, it slips out, I wipe and I get back to toiling away at…toil.
I have Straight Dope books in the potty, but I barely have time to pick them up and open them before I’m done!
My husband uses the bathroom as a fortess of solitude. But (ha! *) that doesn’t stop me from cornering him there and having vital discussions on whatever bee is in my bonnet. He has no avenue to turn me out, slip away to work somewhere else ( basement,garage,barn,work, parents, some gulag in Siberia: somewhere where it is manly and not asking questions that a masculine brain cannot ever answer correctly.) and he cannot change the channel to distract me from whatever it is that I’m discussing.
He also, I swear, hides in the john when the kids are at their most squirrelly and always manages to come out after I’ve quelled the riot down. He does read, but its tech manuals and car stuff and sport stuff. Blah. We’ve had the same welding manual in the can for over ten years. He hasn’t learned to weld yet. Something is hinky right there.
As for me, hell, I’ll read an entire book on the toilet while having two kids playing in the sink and the dog comes in for a little attention.
If only they made Lazy Boy toilet seats I’d be in bidness.
When I opened this thread and read it, I instantly thought of my husband. As I read this to him, I could barely get the words out for the laughter! LOL!
Not only does he spend a lot of time on the toilet, he does so SEVERAL times a day-at least four or five. I have mentioned that that doesn’t seem normal, I get dismissed~“There’s nothing wrong with me.” Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy. :rolleyes:
I do think he spends a lot of time on there with no results, therefore he’s on the toilet more than he’s actually accomplishing anything. If he even thinks he has to go, he’s on there. Reading, of course.
He is in awe of me, I don’t think I’m ever on there more than 45 seconds either, although I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older, there are more occasions that I am on there longer.
I’m a fairly new poster here~I can’t believe I’m sharing our bm’s with the teeming millions! But I had to chime in since I could’ve written the OP.
When I brought up the forum list, the title of this thread was right at the lower edge of my browser, but the starting poster’s name was hidden. I immediately thought, “Poop thread? jarbabyj’s back!”
Is it just me, or does it seem to anyone else that the size of the grogan is inversely proportional to the time it took to extrude it? I mean, I can sit there for a good two minutes and wind up with a dump the size of a gherkin. But those massive twelve-inchers are evacuated inside of ten seconds.
Having to poop prevents you from concentrating on other things or enjoying them. Like needing a cigarette or some coffee. Thus one luxuriates in the mere fact that yes, it is all clear to poop now!
I gave up long ago on figuring out the 30 minute man-poop. We (I) used to try to discuss it and the comment I heard most frquently was : “the doctor said not to strain.” My reply to that was: “But you do have to push a little bit, gravity can’t do everything!”
This was not met with a good response so we’ve (I’ve) dropped all discussion. This has made him much happier.
Man, it is so true that some of my biggest monkey tails have been sprouted within 10 seconds and with nary a change in my heart rate, but little marble poops take some friggin grunting to extrude.
jarbabyj= you can count on her for a feces tangent!
