Serious Poop Questions

As I think we’ve all noticed, people are different. This difference does not end at the bathroom door, and I’m not just talking about who can stand up and who can’t. I’m talking about the mighty poop, and this question does not recognize sex differences.

Some people go in, disrobe, drop the torpedos, wipe, flush, re-robe, wash their hands and exit in just a few minutes. They might have time for one short magazine article, or perhaps the funny pages.
Others go in, disrobe, sit, and read several chapters of War and Peace before they’re ready to wipe and start the closing ceremonies. These people may flush several times during the procedure.

Does medical science yet understand the difference here? I know the jokes about “uninterrupted reading time” and “only place the kids and the dog won’t follow me”, but it seems many of the Slow Poopers can’t speed up the process even when they’re in a hurry otherwise.

Diet? Do Slow Poopers eat less fiber or drink less water than Speedy Poopers?

Does it have to do with when one answers the call of nature? Perhaps Speedy Poopers only notice the signals and begin heading for the throne room when most of the pre-evacuation work has been completed, while Slow Poopers feel the urge much earlier in the process.

Or, erm, what exactly is going on here? Inquiring minds gotta know, while we’re waiting for the next available seat in the most popular room in the house…

Some people have things to do, so they take a Power Dump… aka they bear down.

Others just take their sweet time.


Also, depends on the individual circs. I’m usually a bathroom reader for a short while each morning, but from time to time have the need for sudden expulsion.

Enola: Not nececelery. For some people it comes out more easily than for others. Some folks don’t need to bear down very hard to get the Brown Choo Choo Train to come out of the station.

Hey, the throne room is one’s inner sanctum. Can you think of any other activities that you do that is always done alone? Well, I can think of a few more, but pooping is definitely one of them, and so it’s very individualized. Some people take their time and some don’t, like they’d do in other personal activities.

I think “slow poopers” may mainly be people who try to eliminate on a schedule. As in, due to day to day circumstances or choice or habit, they want to get their elimination done in a specific circumstance/place/time and not have to ‘worry’ about it any other time of day. So they sit themselves down at the appointed hour, and then have to get the message through to the colon that NOW is when to kick into action. This may take some time, the brain and colon not exactly speaking the same language.

In contrast, “fast poopers” are mainly doing it ‘on demand’: they’ve felt that their colon has started shoving stuff around, so they head for the nearest toilet, and no waiting around needed, wanted, or even possible in some cases.
BTW, I think this ties into the frequently raised observation that a majority of women are ‘fast’ and a majority of men are ‘slow.’ Things are changing, but on the whole, women used to have toilets available to them pretty much all the time. In contrast, there are a lot of ‘men’s jobs’ (yes, pretty much any job can be done by people of either sex, still there are jobs where the vast preponderance of workers are males) that involve being away from facilities for long stretches.

It’s not a major hassle if a office worker needs to step away from her desk for a bit, but what if you’re a firefighter at a fire, or a telephone lineman up a pole when the urge strikes? Thus the incentive to get your body on a schedule is much stronger for some people.

Slow poopers ar constipated imo. They need more fibre in their diet. Think about it, in ancient times slow poopers would not have anything to read on the bog, and more chance of getting killed by something. It’s not good to slow poop.

Personally I would hate to be sitting there for a long period with a dirty ass.

When I was a kid, our Family MD was a nut about this. He insisted that “straining” was very bad for you, and you should “take your time, relax- and do not strain!

Having done this for most of my life, I have occasioanlly been reviled for it, and so I asked other health care professionals, and did a bit of research on my own.

In general- he was right. Although you don’t nessesarily have to read "War and peace’ in there- it isn’t good to strain and force your BM.

It is true that most of us with a “western” diet do need more fiber (and more probiotics)- but many who 'slow poop" are no more constipated than the “fast strainers”.

This is also related to age. I’m now 50, and a fair percentage of my bathroom breaks these days require reading material. This was not true 10 or 15 years ago.

I’ve found it varies with my diet.

Since I prefer to get paid will taking a dump, I save them up over the weekend and then take my time on monday morining. My high score on “Snake II” on my cellphone is over 3000.

One word:


I can’t think of a more appropriate game to play while pooping than Snake II.

Do your poops bark at you? If so, cool trick, but I think you meant ‘roughage’. :slight_smile:

I’m a slow man on a schedule, if we’re tallying statistical samples of one.

And I most certainly do NOT schedule them for work hours, preferring the privacy of my own throne, so as not to offend others with my ass-stank. (Band name!)

I think the time taken is generally determined by habit & custom.

I know of many people who were accustomed to take their time in the bathroom, enjoying a nice respite & reading period, but who changed abruptly when they went thru military basic training. They learned that it is quite possible to complete the basic morning ‘shit, shower, & shave’ in under 15 minutes.

The only drawback being that poop clogs the shower drains. :eek:

For me, it’s not that things are “slow” moving. I can actually get rid of it pretty quickly. But I do like to just sit and relax and read Maxim or such for a bit. And at work, I’ll like to enjoy a game of bejeweled every now and again on my cell phone.

Save it up over the weekend? Damn! I don’t think I could do that. I go a few times a day. I could probably get that down to one, but go for over two days (Friday afternoon till monday morning) with no bowel movements? No way, no how.

That being said, I will also say I’m a fast pooper. And as a couple other fast poopers have said (which a few of you slowers don’t yet seem to realize) is that we do not, in any way, strain or expend more effort than you to relieve ourselves. Just because you might have to to do it in a short amount of time, because for whatever reason you go slow, deosn’t mean that we have to.

Also, I live alone, so I have no need, at least at home, to take my time. I can read any damn place in here I want to and not get bothered. Though at work I do take my sweet ass time, but just so I don’t have to do work while at work. And I will usually just sit there not doing anything, then empty the old bowels right before leaving. Why would I do it before then sit? I’d have to sit there in my own ass-stink. Which brings me to another point regarding you slowers:

When you take your time, is it because a little bit comes out every now and then, or because it takes you a while to get it to all come out at once? Cause if it’s a little bit at a while…ugh…too much time in my own stench for me.

My 89 year old grandma thinks that if she doesn’t crap 3 times a day, she’s constipated.
She eats laxatives like they’re TicTacs. She can’t go on her own, since her body has no idea how to work on its own anymore. She’s been addicted to laxatives since she was 11 years old.
First thing in the morning, she takes 2 laxatives, they don’t work, so she drinks another type of laxative liquid stuff, that usually doesn’t work, so she’ll use a suppository (Usually twice a day), and when that doesn’t work, she’ll eat another couple more laxatives before bed. EVERY DAY.
She refuses to eat any fiber and she refuses to drink very much water. She prefers coffee and soda to water.
She’s going to end up with some sort of ‘ostomy’ thing before long, I believe. It’s just a matter of time…