I mean, my dog takes all of twenty seconds, if that…my cat doesn’t take that long, birds just seem to drop all at once, etc…Are there other animals that take as long as humans do to take a dump? Any of 'em that would take long enough to read a newspaper (if they could read)?
It would seem that taking a long time to defecate would not be advantageous to early man; can you imagine poor Atuk squatting behind a bush and a cave bear stumbles upon him?
Speak for yourself. I admit I never actually timed myself, but twenty seconds sounds about right to me (not counting the mopping up).
(I eat a lot of fruit and whole-grain bread and drink a lot of coffee, in case you were wondering.)
Have you ever thought that snooty and arrogant people are often full of shit?
You would think if they took the time like the rest of us, with no excess shit to fill their brains (shit for brains?), it all might be a better world? 
There is always a great risking in being caught with your pants down, but I think the greater dillemma is never pulling them up. Just look at all those kids these days with their pants around their hips. No prime intelligence there, too.
As we evolved, the danger level went down and squat time went up. As we moved into higher levels of the food chain, and evolution for that matter, we used our intelligence. Haven’t you ever stood lookout while your loved one who just couldn’t wait mooned the nearest bush, or back bumper? Poor Atuk took his time while family members stood watch.
Yet today, in our rush, rush world, we are going backwards. Squat times interfere with the latest game scores, cell phone calls and checks of the market.
And it’s purely economics at fault for all of this. After all, with bankruptcies, mergers and cost-cuttings, where can you find a good Monkey Wards or Sears Sawbuck catalog to pass the time before passing a square?
Because we want to.
I eat/drink what Bib does(plus a little) and sometimes 20 seconds does it, and sometimes 10 minutes does it. Sometimes it depends on what section of the paper I’m reading. Sometimes, it depends on how much cheese I had in the last 24 hrs.
Cave bears are rather scarce in my neighborhood. Therefore, I defecate at my leisure. Unless a kid is yelling for the bathroom. Amazing how that speeds you up.
Question: How long does it take the Pope to defecate in the woods?
Cuz animals don’t have to waste time taking down their pants?
Actually, I don’t think they poop any faster than humans; it’s just that they don’t save it up for a once-a-day event. If something’s coming through the pipes, they just lift their tail and let fly as many times a day as necessary. Thus, they have more BMs, but they don’t need as much time to evacuate as humans do.
Depends. Is the cave bear Catholic?
The poor folk who need to take a paper in with them because it’s going to be a while generally have had a lifetime of eating The Wrong Foods and screwed up their digestive system. If you ate a lot of nuts, fruits, whole grains and leftover lion kills all your life, you’d probably need only the bare minimum to “mark your turf”.
People frequently screw up their pets with inappopriate feedings, resulting in the awkward four legs all together walk around the yard that goes on forever.
A sloth craps about once a week, and makes a journey measured in hours down to the ground to do so (about the only reason it comes down out of the trees). This says nothing about how long the actual process takes, but provides an instance of an animal that must dedicate an awful long time span to the function.
I just dug this up:
From http://www.oreilly.com/people/staff/stevet/netfuture/1999/Nov0399_97.html
yabob: I am in awe. This is why I love this Board.
BTW, if/when I can access the SDMB in the john, my TTTD[sup]*[/sup] may increase considerably.
[sub][sup]*Time taken to defecate[/sup][/sub]
Well, a blue whale poops around 2-3 tons per day, Im sure that takes more than 20 seconds.
Animals can’t read.
Because the toilet is the one room I’m sure to be left alone to read in.
It’s a matter of time management. When my butt hits the seat I’m already reaching for the TP. I generally crap faster than most people take a leak. It took a years of practice, and many a soiled pair of trousers to develop the technique, but it’s well worth it.
Hence the term “three day shitters”. 
I think this is a big reason. A lot of people view the bathroom as almost a sanctuary these days. In other words, I could probably take a shit just as quickly as my dog(plus the added time of pulling down my pants:)), but I sit there and read because it’s a break from whatever is going on in the rest of the world. The Bathroom is one of the few places left these days that affords total privacy.
Ain’t stopped at Micky D’s lately have ya?
I generally take my time when crappin’, but most of it is just letting my sphincter relax after having a huge load of crap forced out. That, and I enjoy reading Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, which means I usually stay there, enjoying the solitude, until my ass goes numb.
There was a similar topic on the board about why ppl bring reading material into the bathroom.
Sometimes I try to shit as quickly as possible, including wiping. It’s great when one just flies out and you wipe and there isnt even a mark.