“And his wife? To shreds you say?”
When Bender is on Chappek 9 at the start of their “Human Hunt”
Robot Mayor - Let the hunt begin!
Robot trumpeter - (Plays Macintosh 6000 series startup chime)
Robot Guard 2- Administer the Test!
Robot Guard 1 - Which of the following would you prefer, A; a puppy, B; a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C; a large, properly formatted data file?
RG2 - CHOOSE!
Fry - Is the puppy mechanical in any way?
RG2 - No, it is the bad kind of puppy!
Leela - Then we’ll take that data file
RG1 - Correct!
RG2 - the flower would also have been acceptable
From Time Keeps on Slipping
Fry: Leela, I built us a time capsule, to keep us safe from all the time slipping
opens broom closet with neon lights, heart-shaped bed and sexy music playing
Leela: How was this supposed to work, again?
Fry: Because when we’re together, baby, time stands still.
Zapp: Branigan: Leela! . . . You’re the only woman who ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you.
Zapp: I mean physically.
I’m glad you didn’t mention the black eye Leela gives Fry after that. I would’ve been horrified if the roles had been reversed (Fry gave Leela a black eye for trying to get sex from him). But it’s funny because it’s a woman being violent toward a man.
(sorry about the blatant hijack, btw).
Professor Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that’s over 150 atmospheres of pressure.
Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
Professor Farnsworth: Well it’s a spaceship, so I’d say anywhere between zero and one.
A sort of similar quote, from Amazon Women in the Mood:
Femputer: “Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet. A planet ruled by a chauvinistic Manputer that was really a Manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a Fembot living in a Manbot’s Manputer’s world?”
Bender: “What?”
It’s all in the way he says “What,” but it just cracks me up.
From “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back,” when Hermes’s office has been trashed and he’s distraught.
FRY: “Aw, hey, c’mon, don’t worry. We’ll watch you clean up.”
You need the whole quote for extra funniness:
Also, from the episode 30% Iron Chef:
Ooh, I forgot the little captions at the beginning. My favorite:
Painstakingly drawn before a live studio audience.
Take that, you stupid corn!
they keep touching me… in places
ooooh! I wasted a bus trip!
Well, you did give me this UNGODLY ACTING TALENT
Good! Nixon is Pro-family and Pro-war
Now THAT’s why they call me Bender the Magnificent!
Fry: Bender, if this is some kind of scam, I don’t get it. You already have my power of attorney!
Nibblonian: The time has come to discuss matters of gravest importance.
*said while batting at a toy mouse hanging from a piece of string
Leela: No offense, Fry, but you’ve become a fat sack of crap.
Fry: [offended] Sack?
(Talking about a “new soldier” who is actually Leela in disguise)
Zapp Brannigan: That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird, and deeply confusing.
Fry: I did do the nasty in the past-y.
Nibbler: Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.
Bender: “Okay, grab a shovel. I’m just one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.”
This quote, from “A Big Piece of Garbage”, tells you all you ever need to know about academia:
Poopenmeyer: Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city?
Wernstrom: Of course. But it’ll cost you. First I’ll need tenure.
Poopenmeyer: Done.
Wernstrom: And a big research grant.
Poopenmeyer: You got it.
Wernstrom: Also, access to a lab and five graduate students, at least three of them Chinese.
Poopenmeyer: Um, alright done. What’s your plan?
Wernstrom: What plan? I’m set for life! Au revoir, suckers!
Leela: That rat! Do something!
Poopenmeyer: I wish I could but he’s got tenure!
We just watched the “Crustacian In Love” episode last night, if only for the “Star Trek Battle Theme” being played as the National Anthem.
I’m bad on remembering quotes, so pardon moi:
“male jelly”
Fry getting his arm cut off. The physical humor never gets old.
“Sweet Manitee of Galilee!”
Dam. I gotta go back and watch this some more. Rats. 
HA! I have the complete series, plus the OVA. 