Goateed Dopers, help me tame my goatee, please.

In My Humble Opinion
1

OK, a little facial hair background. I’ve had a goatee for 25+ years but I’ve always kept it short (#2 or #3 clipper.) I’ve recently decided that I want an epic goatee; wizardly, down to my chest style. The problem is that I’d like to keep it semi-neat and presentable while I’m growing it out.
The problem is that, despite, washing, conditioning, and combing, it looks like I’ve had small birds nesting on my face.
Short of mustache waxing it every morning, is there any way to control it, or am I doomed to either keep it short or temporarily look like a transient? Are there any products or grooming tips you would suggest?

Thanks in advance - DESK

2

Sorry, but your goatee is evil. If TV has taught us anything, it is that people with goatees are evil, and given that the presence or absence of one determines if a character is evil or not, the goatee itself is evil. As it grows in length, it get more evil and laughs at your attempts to tame it.

3

besides it’s named after a goat, why would you want to put that on your face?

4

Use spiking glue.

5

Back in the day, the punk rockers I knew used carpenters glue to keep their mohawk’s at attention. Or you can try hair wax first.