"Gobear in the Underworld," a rant in one absurd act

The BBQ Pit
1

Gobear in the Underworld

by PirandelloIonescoBeckett

Dramatis personae

Gobear, an office drone
The chorus of damned souls, aka DC Metro riders
Chaos, the embodiment of malevolence, aka the goddam subway system

Gobear:: Ripped untimely from my comfortable bed
ready to do battle with the foe I dread
Though guised as a humble light rail train
His true face is Chaos, the insane

**Chaos:**A full ten minutes I’ll keep Gobear waiting for his bus
Freezing his ass off in the Stygian cold.

The late-arriving bus finally gets to the gates to the Underworld, aka, West Falls Church Metro

Gobear: Yet to work on time will I go
if the goddam train will only come
In the frigging ice and snow
I’m colder than a yeti’s bum

  • The train arrives and Gobear gets on*

Chorus:Now we have you, you are stuck
Out of patience, out of luck
Order and reliability we hate
We will ensure that you are late!

The train stops between Courthouse and Rosslyn stations

Chaos (disguised as a train operator):
Customers, please be advised
The train has stopped, we don’t know why
It could be the tracks, it could be the cold
At the next station this train must unload!

Gobear: Alas, I must accept my fate.
I’m Metro’s prisoner, and so must be late.

A train arrives already jammed to the raftters

Chorus: Back, Gobear, back. This damned throng
will outcrowd you. You can’t get on!

Five minutes later, another train arrives, this time Gobear gets on.

Gobear: Finally, I will achieve my quest
to get to work near Farragut West
But I’m going to be late despite leaving on time
The bus and train screwed me (sorry, no rhyme!)

Chaos: O Gobear, dream not that
you’ve escaped my sway.
Remember, at 5
You have to go home the same way!

Chaos chuckles evilly as the curtain falls.

2

“Colder than a Yeti’s bum.”

snif bless you, gobear, bless you; that was just beautiful.

Spritle, who looks at the WMATA as something between a necessary evil and a cultural immersion program

3

Good, but needs more surrealism.

4

Brilliant, Gobear, but not long enough. :slight_smile:

5

Just one question.

Who is going to do the Can Can?

6

Maybe he’ll add a second act after tonight’s ride?

7

I am SO glad I have a car and can drive to work.

(And deal with traffic, six of one and half dozen of another, I s’pose…)

8

That was brilliant. :smiley:

9

Ya gotta love a rant in blank verse.

10

Won’t somebody please think of the children?!?!

Esprix

11

There’s an idea. I could add a hell-spawned imp whose shrieks of hate and insensate rage shatter the souls of its hearers.

Kids screaming on the Metro never fail to work my last nerve.

12

Bravo!

13

Thanks for the smile and the laugh, gobear.

Sorry it had to come at your expense though.

14

[enter Gobear’s Boss]

Boss: Gobear, you’re not here on time!
And here you sit, creating rhyme!
Forswear this ilk, you have no hope—
It either is your job or Dope!

[exeunt, pursued by Gobear]

15

Gobear - Bravo! Every day, I thank (yourdeityhere) that I no longer have to brave the living Hell that is the Metro Red Line during rush hour. I feel your pain, man.

Eve, thank you ever so much for ensuring that every time I read A Winter’s Tale, I’ll have images of subway trains in the set design. :smiley:

16

Best obscure Shakespearean reference ever.

Oh, and FWIW the OP reminded me less of Beckett/Ionesco and more of MacLeish’s JB. Nice work.