So today I popped in “Dust: An Elysian Tale” for the first time. First half an hour gave a solid first impression, combat was free-flowing and engaging, graphics were very attractive, aesthetic good and voice acting wonderful.
And then I met the supporting character that follows your protagonist throughout the game, a cute little furry bat-fairy thing, and my first thought was, “Oh, so that’s where that character in that one rescue rangers R34 comes from”. Immediately followed by “What the fuck is wrong with me”.
I blame you, Internet. I can’t enjoy anything innocent any more. Not even my favorite TV shows - all I can think of when I hear Spongebob is “Squidward’s Suicide”, and all I can think of when I hear My Little Pony is “Smile HD”. Everything that is wonderful gets ruined - either turned into grimdark fanfics or disturbing pornography. At least I haven’t gotten into the fandom for Adventure Time yet; I at least still have that.
Let’s see: Rescue Rangers was that Disney cartoon with two squirrels, and I assume R34 refers to Rule 34, or fan made porn art of copyrighted characters…
Google says there’s some sort of Japanese-looking video game named “Dust: an Elysian Tail” which is close enough. What Bats are supposed to with either is still something I don’t get.
“Squidward’s Suicide” and “smile HD” are internet folk scary tales following a trend about people finding “missing” haunted episodes of old cartoons, where the characters become twisted and evil. The tales are known as “creepypastas”, as in a a parody of the word Copypaste.
Smile HD is not a scary story so much as it is just downright awesome.
Yes, but it still stole my innocence. When I see a character in a game with real personality and zazz and the first thing I think is “Huh, so that’s who that character in that porn comic was representing”, something is wrong with me.
Ah, Rule 34. nods head sagely I remember the first time I stumbled across a piece of fan art that made me scream “FUCK YOU, INTERNET”. Of course, I’ve had internet access since 1995…I can honestly say that my innocence vanished last century.
On the other end of the spectrum, there is some really decent stuff out there…regarding Adventure Time, for example, I’ve seen a number of very moving pieces regarding Marceline’s backstory.
Sounds like you’re missing a crucial component of a happy life: self-control. (Or did an evil Tea Party Sparkly Vampire make you click on fanfic porn – even after you know what effect it has on you?)
My first reaction was “How old are you? Just ignore that stuff!” But I guess you’ll get it as a side effect of growing up, if you are a spring chicken. If you’re in your 50’s, then it’s too late. And kind of sad.
I was also a little confused at first; I didn’t see any connection between Rule 34 (paragraph 2) and creepypastas (paragraph 3), so I didn’t get what “R34” referred to at first. I thought there would be a stronger connection than “stuff online.”
You’ve been on the bad side of the internet too long.