She’s been living off my parents for years. She’s almost 40 and has never attended shool or held a job. She refuses to work at all and now she’s found the perfect excuse to continue this behavior.
My father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my sister is taking complete advantage of the whole family to use it to continue her lifestyle.
She claims she has to take care of him even though all of us help out. She constantly undermines everyone else by badgering my mother into letting her have her way regarding our father. She has on several occasions convinced my mother to stop giving him his medication in order, I believe, to keep him docile and dependent.
She’s slowly alienating all of her 5 siblings and seems not to care in the slightest as long as she can continue to manipulate my mother and the situation in my mother’s home.
Speaking with my mother about this is pointless. She cannot stand up to the constant harassment my sister gives her and refuses to make her get a job or leave. It’s hopeless at this point.
I hate to say this, but if she’s never held any job and she’s almost forty, she’s pretty much unemployable. There’s no explaining a gap that size in one’s resume.
I have a cousin who sounds similar to your sister. She convinced my aunt to open joint bank accounts thereby cutting out her siblings from inheriting anything when my aunt passed away. You and your responsible siblings may want to talk to your mom about giving one of you power of attorney so that your sister can’t steal your parents’ money.
They’re coasting on fumes as it is. They rent an apartment they can barely afford. There won’t be anything of significance left when they’re gone, and I am executer of their wills. The current situation is what has me pissed.
Assuming none of your siblings is willing to become your sister’s new caretaker, she’s going to have a real rude awakening. Unless she can manage to find a sugar daddy or convince the government that she is disabled in some way, that is.
I’m truly sorry that your parents have allowed your sister to live her whole life dependent on them. That’s just not right.
Listen. Your sister has some mental issues and there’s no use bitching about her incompetence at this point and expecting any change. You need to contact your county office for the aging (it’s under social services, and it’s everywhere, in every county). They can send someone to the home to assess the situation and refer you to any services that can assist. You can call any Alzheimer’s association near you, or go online (caring.com) and maybe they can help. None of this is a magic solution, but it’s better than letting the three of them flounder around. If worse comes to worse, you may all have to pitch in and hire an eldercare lawyer or geriatric caseworker.
This is what I have gleaned from inquiries I’ve made myself, being in a situation myself. I can’t say exactly what help this will be to you, just offering it up for what it’s worth.
I also have a cousin who’s the same way. He’s in his late '50s now, lived with my aunt his whole life, then when she died he got the house but no money for utilities etc. He took in a roommate whose sister pays his rent. They must be getting along real well. :dubious:
He and my aunt had a symbiotic relationship. Your mom must be getting something out of the dynamic or it wouldn’t have progressed this far. A home health care nurse, paid for by private insurance or Medicare or whatever, could monitor your father’s meds. Having another sibling made Power of Attorney is a good idea. And since there’s really nothing to inherit, I’d have her made executrix as well. When my stepfather died it was all such a hassle I wondered if that was his way of getting back at me. :eek:
Really, do any of you all want to sacrifice huge chunks of your time to the constant care of elderly parents? It’s feeding your sister’s needs and as long as her “care” is regulated and monitored it might be a blessing in disguise.
We all come over to help out taking turns on a daily basis but she pushes back at every turn to retain control. We’ve decided he’s going to get full time in home care (well 5 hours a day).
Unfortunately this is a very co-dependent relationship between my sister and Mother. She’s the youngest and Mom didn’t work so she would often keep her out of school because she was lonely :rolleyes:
I realize my Mother has a lot of the blame here.
I did see that you’re a caring, involved child/sibling. I’m suggesting that when the time comes to put locks at the top of doors to protect your father from wandering off—at his protests…when soup is no longer an option unless it’s spoon-fed…when wiping smeary butts at 3am happens…let your sister finally earn her keep.
Subtract a parent and two years from the person’s age, add in a few college classes a year and you have my Idiot Brother. Also throw in a large ego. He’s been unemployed for over a year, hasn’t had a long term relationship or a decent paying job in his life but he’s attending a local college and managing not to flunk out so he goes on facebook and proclaims himself a really great man. My dad even has to hire a cleaning lady because Idiot Brother does not clean up his apartment or even his own room. I hope you’ve made it clear to your sister that you are not her backup plan.
I know exactly what I’m gonna do, and it ain’t make up the spare room.
I’ve learned the hard way that having toxic people in your life sucks - having them in your house is simply unacceptable.
I believe that very last part may qualify under your state’s elder abuse statute. From what you say, your sister is abusing two elderly people: your father and your mother.