As an older brother, its your duty to slap your sister around until she agrees with you.
That’s what I’m seeing here, too.
Sure,
“I was the caregiver for my elderly parents and did not have time to work outside the home because of the care they required. That situation has now changed and I am seeking outside employment now that I no longer have to put my goals on hold to care for them. I am dependable, learn quickly and am eager to work.”
And of course they don’t actually give a toss if it’s true because they are just looking for someone to stock the fucking boxes or screw the fucking thingies on the things when they come out of the machine.
Yes, but I’m thinking in this economy where one is in competition with thousands of other people, the application of the person with zero documentable experience goes to the bottom of a really large stack.
Which is neithr here nor there, regarding the OP; it just struck me odd that anyone still thinks it easy to get a job of any kind these days.
I found out while looking for jobs back in America this past summer that having qualifications and a long history of gainful employment isn’t all that beneficial to getting hired for a number of jobs that were advertised, such as stocking merchandise.
Now, a question about executors of wills. What if you’re designated as executor but you refuse to take that role? I’d think that executing a will is a very detailed process and frought with all kinds of legal intricacies. Joe Average doesn’t strike me as the best choice for executor.
Easy? I was responding to a post that said it was *nearly **impossible *to find a job with no work history. That’s false. No one said it’s easy to find a job.
I do want to make a distinction though…it is very hard to find a job when you are replacing a job that you have invested years in…racking up pay scale and benefits and perks…hard to find a job that will replace all that and keep you in the lifestyle you are accustomed to.
However, it is *much **easier *to find a job when you are in a situation like the sister in the OP. She already lives with mom, she doesn’t have to worry about an entry level position being a step down.
If you call social services and tell them about the fact she refused your father meds by what ever means even putting a con job on your mother. That is abuse! Call on her.
Is your sister secretly a brilliant singer perhaps? Then she can take care of your mother till she dies. At that point, not having a job, she can go on a TV talent program where her singing ability is revealed. Then she’ll become a worldwide sensation:
Well, of course, and that’s the basis for my analysis. Which is also, of course, based on little else, so please ignore anything that doesn’t fit.
But it does seem clear that your anger is reserved for your sister. You gently acknowledge your Mother’s mistakes, but reserve a lake of vitriol for sis. Given what you’ve told us, I really feel that this is backwards. You sister is not completely powerless, and could break free if she had that innate drive for independence, but if she ever had any such drive it seems to have been quashed by your Mother’s neediness and/or lack of expectations for her daughter. Dad is also not free from blame, but you haven’t given us much to go on there.
I’m just saying: put the anger and blame where they belong.
And you should really talk through the medication thing with you Dad’s doctor. Alzheimer’s patients can be dangerous and violent. It takes a while to find the right balance of medications to help them maintain as much independence as possible while still being manageable from a caregiver standpoint. The doctor may well have been relying upon those who know him best to make decisions about what is working and what is not, and to stop giving any med which agitates him or makes him angry or violent.
If that is the case then you will feel more comfortable making sure the doctor understands your concerns. If that is not the case, then your Dad’s doctor need to know he’s not getting his meds.
Good on you for staying involved and being there for your Dad. It is very tempting in these situations to let the co-dependents have their sick little nest. When the healthy people walk away, that’s when really horrible conditions build. It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to effect any enormous changes, but you can constantly nudge things toward a healthier path. If all the other siblings work toward that, you could reach a tipping point that would benefit everyone.
Sure, you can blame the enabled as well as the enablers. Zoid’s and her siblings are in the middle of a problem that needs a solution. Caring for an aged parent (my mother, 87, going blind, COPD, memory loss, etc) is difficulty and challenging and can really become a full time effort. But it appears that the family is going to inherit the younger sister in the future. I hear the “oh hell no” from her mouth, but when that day comes, there’s this little thing called guilt that creeps in and parks right in the middle of your conscience.
My suggestion is to help the younger sister master the art of care giving for seniors. Maybe a few classes, CPR certification, etc. If she can, there are always positions available, with room and board, for competent care givers.
That’s full-on brilliant.
It is apparent by your remarks that your mother is enabling her by not speaking up. Your mother also probably feels she would feel quilty throwing her child into the streets, even if she is an adult.
This is a suggestion: Talk with your mother and see who is the Executor on her and your father’s estates. If it is the sister, have her change it to you or another sibling and then point this out to the sister who is taking advantage of the situation. If casual living, not having to work is her modivation along with thinking she can continue this way, maybe, just maybe she will realize that the easy street will end upon the deaths of your parents and also if that is what is keeping her there, she will soon quit taking care of your father since it is really not out of love but added benefits. This will show her true colors to your Mom and might just modivate her to make some changes.
You also need to persist on talking to your Mom, along with your siblings, and tell her how she is not helping your sister and point out that when they are gone, what is going to happen to her when she can no longer depend on them not having any life skills.
There are programs out there for untrained adults that are free, and even working at a fast food place, will give her the basics as to showing up, dealing with customers and responsibility.
Another tactic could be, tell your sister since she seems to love to care for your father so much, she could take nurse courses or nursing assistant courses even on line if she says she can’t leave your Dad.
I hope this helps a little.
One word: spoiled.
IANAL and the answer may vary depending on your location, but here if the designated executor doesn’t want to do the job, they can renounce the position at will as long as it is before they take any action to settle the estate. If they are already involved in the estate they will need to apply to the court for a discharge. (Any actual lawyers feel free to correct/expand this.)