God Motherfucking Damnit!

The BBQ Pit
1

Guess what?! I get to move today! That’s right! And guess what else?! Both elevators are broken! Yipee! Oh, and you know what else? I live on the 7th motherfucking floor! And I have a 90lb 20 inch monitor! And a 200-disc CD changer! And a pair of nice JBL speakers! And a closet full of Comfy Shirts!

Oh, the joy!

I suppose I could wait another day, except if I’m not out by the 23rd I’m homeless.

SHITPISSCUNTFUCKCOCKSUCKERMOTHERFUCKERTIT.

2

So go and grab the manager by his pencil neck and tell him that if the elevators aren’t fixed by noon, he can act as your personal Sherpa and schlep your gear up the stairs! Otherwise, you’ll put up posters all over town about a free 12 keg party at his place this Saturday, with no cover charge. That’ll teach the bastidge!

3

Eh, it got magically fixed. Wuddayaknow.