God's actions as reported by Pat Robertson

[Tomcat]

I get a rant from the guy at tshirthell every few weeks or so. The last one is pretty funny:

[The Word of God as told by Pat Robertson]

Pat Robertson recently made headlines when he stated that God caused Ariel
Sharon’s stroke, because Sharon was trying to divide the Holy Land. This is
hardly the first time Robertson’s comments have created such a stir. He also
claimed that God sent Hurricane Katrina because New Orleans is filled with
hedonists and homosexuals. While those statements got the most media
attention, we managed to dig up the following additional, actual quotes from
Pat Robertson. Enjoy.

Magic Johnson acquired AIDS because God had $50 on the Lakers when the
Chicago Bulls defeated them in the 1991 NBA Finals.

God shot Kurt Cobain in the head because ‘In Utero’ was a disappointing
follow-up to, ‘Nevermind’.

God commanded my [Pat Robertson’s] hairdresser to suck me [Pat Robertson]
off in my [Pat Robertson’s] dressing room. When she didn’t, God blackened
both of her eyes.

Osama Bin Laden is still alive and well because God always felt the Twin
Towers were, “too towery”.

God allowed the Roman soldiers to torture Jesus, because he was disappointed
that Jesus gave up on the carpentry thing. Especially, after Jesus had
promised to make God a napkin holder…"

There were more, but you get the gist. I figured that we could come up with a few more to add to the list. WWPS? (What Would Pat Say?)

God needs industrial emissions because he wants warm weather for the Garden of Eden, pt. 2.

God caused those cowboys to lose the SAG Best Actor awards because He hates homos…BTW, what was that film ‘Capote’ about anyways?

AS for real quotes, you can go here. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

-Tcat