Baloo: God of relaxation and not getting your panties in a wad over trivialities. Also god of putting wrongs to right (but only if it looks like nobody else will do it).
Totem: Reclining chair with remote control.
Sacred tree: Any that provides shade but still lets the grass grow thick enough to recline upon.
Sacred libation: Any drink served in a tall, cold glass, preferably with a paper parasol in it.
Silver Fire - fire goddess is still open (& most of the males think you’re hot anyway… <g> )
Hypergirl - with all that caffeine & your hyper-ness, you could be messenger of the gods (it may sound boring, but you’d get free ambrosia (or coffee), and you’d never miss out on gossip or party invites, cos you’d deliver to yourself first!). Hyper-ness - there’s gotta be something more fun to do with that! Goddess of travelling faster than the eye could see…so much potential there - do you want the thieves guild and travellers?
I invoke Barnaby for my next paycheck! (only move them to the right this time, big fella ok?)
Doob - nice coconuts!
http://www.palmcentre.co.uk/shop/palms/ParCoc.jpg
chaos, confusion & destruction - my work here is done.
Jonathan Chance: God of luck. (and in fact, a title I held in college!)
Sacred motion: brownian
Holy Symbol: A Pair of Dice
Sacred Music: “Roll the Bones” by Rush
Burnt Toast Aka Tomcat- God of all crap on the bottom tray of the toaster and overcooked brad. Second in command of felines.
Totem Animals- The sacred * blackus breadius * and kittens that purr contently.
Holy Symbol- burnt toast crumbs shaped into a >^…^<
Poor Brad! Sure you’re not the god of the cannibals?
errrm…no of course not! ::quickly hides the femur bone he’s been gnawing on::
Simetra - The Backwards Archer. God of empathy.
Goddess of the downtrodden and attractive redheads.
Totem Animal: Dogs (natch) and there must be something else…
Scorpia - goddess of poisonous bites and stings.
Totem animals - box jellyfish, wasp.
I tried to think of something more benevolent but PMS got the better of me.
But I already am…
PAYROLL GODDESS (dum-dum-daaaa)
Bow to me!
Or the checks stop coming and you become a “volunteer” or “intern” or “teacher”
Patroness of the Overworked, Underpaid, and Unappreciated
No need to bow or grovel - just smile and wave wearily
Patroness of the eternally apologetic, nonconfrontational and unsure.
Totem animals: Gosh, I sorry. I’m not sure what they would be and I hope no one is offended by my indecision. But if you are, that’s okay, you’re probably right in being upset.
Is that okay?
xizor: god of ‘some assembly required’ furniture and ‘batteries not included’ electronic devices.
Ok, forget Thor …
Hamburgerhelperius: God of cast iron and perservatives.
Totem animal: Cows - more specifically sides of beef.
Sacrifice rituals include pouring liquified animal fat down the drain, followed by a phone call to your local plumber.
Proper worshipping position: Laid out on the Barc-o-lounger, top button of pants undone, rubbing belly and moaning.
Authorized prayer mantra: alka-seltzer-alka-seltzer-alka-seltzer
Phobos: Worshipped by Martians everywhere.
matt_mcl: God of multilingualism and deviant sexual behaviour.
Corrado, God of Sarcasm and Scathing Wit.
Patron Saints: Dennis Leary and Dennis Miller.
Totem: Volkswagens.
Proper prayer: “Oh, sure. That makes much more sense. Of course it does.”
Democritus: God of Cleanliness
or
Demo: God of Getting High and Making Big-Ass Breakfasts at Midnight
Your choice.
Lord Hamburgerhelperius, have mercy on us, your humble servants. We bow down before your alter 2-3 times a week, and all we have to show for it is pants that don’t fit anymore.
Every god has a rival god or demon, the yang to its yin, the dark to its light, so I reveal:
Gr8Kat: The goddess of getting your panties in a bunch, fretting, hand-wringing, and ulcers.
Totems: Cats in rooms full of rocking chairs, chickens with their heads cut off.
Sacred Libations: caffinated soft-drinks, esp. Coca-Cola and Mt. Dew.
Sacred Tree: Any that you fuss over, pruning it constantly so that it doesn’t have a chance to grow; ie, bonsai.
TopazAntares: Goddess of Imaginative Plagerism, Sleeping in in the mornings and Procrastination.
Totem: Piles of books next to a messy bed.
Sacred Libations: Books of any kind most especially Fantasy, Horror and Mystery.