(spoken about some unfavorable activity - rebuilding a transmission, for example)
That ranks REAL high on my “List Of Things That Suck”!
The inverse can be used freely too. For instance:
Free beer? Man, that’s in the top five on my “List Of Things That Don’t Suck”!
John
Just a few:
When my kids ask me for money:
I don’t exactly have money falling out of my asshole here.
When I drop or spill something:
Oh… balls!!
For reasons unknown my oldest son has started calling me “peeps” as in, “What up peeps?” (heavy on the P) I don’t know.
Kiss my grits!
He’d fuck you in the ass and then bitch about getting shit on his dick.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley
‘fuck.’
covers just about every situation.
“Why don’t you go downtown, get two blowjobs, come back and give me one.”
Some folks like sex, money, and power. For me, there’s always sweet, sweet irony.
God-fucking-dammit
Jesus-fucking-Buddha
Um, flying fuck at rolling doughnut taken
jesu christo (j pronounced like y, long i)
shit, piss, and corruption (my dad’s, I like it)
You know, I really don’t give a shit.
I could not care less. I could try, but I would not succeed.
Shut up before I rip your dick off and make you eat it.
Don’t make me break my foot off in your ass.
Shut up before I make you hurt yourself.
Your firm grasp of the obvious is astounding (said when someone mentions the obvious, like “my, you seem to have fallen down a well.”)
Shut up or I’ll rip your tongue out.
Fuckin’ A.
Fuckin’ A. Fuckin’ goddamn A. (I still don’t know what fuckin’ A means, it just flows off the tongue.)
Piece, of, monkey, shit/spum! (with expletives in between ‘of’ and ‘monkey’)
What the fuck is wrong with you? Besides the obvious?
Want a little cheese with your whine?
[hold left hand just beside left shoulder, move right hand in bowing motion] It’s the world’s smallest violin playing Heart and Souls, just for you. (said when someone is whining.)
Go shove something painful up your ass.
Go fuck yourself and make it hurt.
what the hell is WRONG with you people?
Do you long for death?
I’m going to open up that drawer, get out a can of whoop-ass, bring it back over here and open it up all over you.
Sometimes I just really hate you.
Your mother must be disappointed in you.
It must suck to be you.
Do you ever stop and think “Hey, I’m a dumbass”?
How could your parents have been so negligent as to let you live?
Not even Jesus could like you.
I fucked your mother.
Do you get off on being stupid?
When you die, I’m going to defecate on your grave.
I’ve had farts I liked more than you.
You’ll only fuck things that hold still long enough and don’t bite too hard.
Your parents must have low standards.
No, I don’t have an abrasive personality, some people just annoy me. Severely. Constantly.
What, do I look like a dumbass? Do I have “dumbass” written on my forehead? (when someone makes a stupid suggestion)
Just crawl in a hole and die, would you?
Let’s include my favorites:
That sucks like a bucket of ticks.
Not the sharpest knife in the knife drawer.
And don’t forget my personal best for when something disagrees with you (and chi’luns are around):
Chop it up for firewood!
As in “Leah Leah she’s no good! Chop her up for firewood!”
from David Duchovny:Piss up a rope
How the hell could we have forgotten that recent classic, “Ugly as a hat full of assholes”?
Easy one-step assembly instructions.
Pour Beer A in Uncle B.