Going back to school was the worst decision I've ever made in my life

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing over here. I entered into grad school a year ago and things have just gone downhill since. I didn’t properly research the school or the program, and so now am in the middle of a cluster-fuck because the director left for a year. I have no advisor, I’m not funded so I took out another ~$40,000 in student loans, I have no research going, no topic for a thesis, and I’m not even completely sure I’m taking the right classes, because of the previously mentioned lack of an advisor!

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I moved into a house last year when I came back with a couple friends and a couple people I met through other people. I should have just commuted from my parents’ house. Because of the ineptitude of three of my four roommates, I am out hundreds of dollars (I’d say close to a grand, all told.) The money is a combination of people owing rent money, utilities money, not paying me on time and resulting in my account going negative when the rent was deducted and me having to pay several overdraft fees of over $100 each time, etc…

One roommate got high and started a grease fire, resulting in smoke damage EVERYWHERE. Despite this being completely her mistake, only one other roommate and I did anything about it, and just tonight finished repainting the entire upstairs. Oh, and she has paid us a total of $30 for well over $200 worth of paint, brushes, rollers, and drop-clothes. And she moved out two moths ago and got someone to fill her spot the last two months, only that guy paid for June and then half of July, then left and I can’t get that last money hey owes me. Another roommate always gets drunk and breaks things, from holes in the wall (guess who paid for and fixed those, :rolleyes: ) to smashing a glass cabinet front, to even falling into a support post for the front porch/awning and actually causing it to lower by about an inch so now the screen door hits the bottom of the porch light and can’t open all the way.

Did I mention we’re moving out? I and the other mostly responsible roommate are moving in with a coworker. I say mostly responsible because while he was the only other one to help paint and fix the holes and stuff, he is not good with money. He was consistently late with rent, and owes me and the coworker money for the rent and security deposit on the new place for July, and I’m pretty sure he on’t have rent for August. This, despite working at a job that is over $30k a year before over time, and he works overtime most weeks. Rent is not that much money, and I have no idea where his all goes.

Speaking of money, I am so fucked in that capacity. My current account balance is…well, let’s just say not good, and once those two automatic payments go through tomorrow, it will be negative, probably forcing another overdraft fee. The old landlord will hopefully get my security deposit back to me on Sunday when she checks the place out and we’re all gone, cause if not, then I’ll have no money for August rent. Oh, and this assumes that she is satisfied with how the palce looks. Yeah, it was painted, but there are a few things here and there that could go beyond what is considered notmal wear and tear. And, of course, I have most of my stuff already moved out, but the roommate I am moving in with hasn’t started moving a thing, nor has the drunken one, (The other two already moved out.) I know that my coworker can cover us, but I hate doing that because it was done so many times to me. If I don’t get the money on Sunday I’ll probably have to beg my parents for it, which will just get added on to the couple thousand I have “borrowed” from them already so far. :mad:

I should have just kept my shit job in that shit town for another year or so, then just tried to get a better one somewhere else. I’ve never been this mad at myself, this poor, nor had such a feeling of being completely boned. :mad: :frowning:

Mods, feel free to move this to the pit if you think that’s appropriate.

Welcome to this thing we call “life.” Stop whining and get on with it like the rest of us have done. Pussy.

**Leaffan, ** this is MPSIMS, not the Pit.

bouv, I hear you–I’m dealing with a lot of the same things right now, and it sucks.

Does your university have advisors you can talk to? They may be able to help you find a way out of the mess…

So, are you looking for advice to help you here, or just to vent about the load of crap you’re dealing with, most of which you have already admitted is your own fault?

Venting, mostly. Which is why I said it could be moved to the Pit.

Oh dear. I remember reading your thread last year when you had first signed the lease.

I agree with Kythereia. See if you can get some decent advice form the university’s academic advisors.

Yeah, everyone said it was a dumb idea, and you were all right. :smack:

The problem with the advising is that it’s done by department, and I’m not kidding when I say my department is so small is was pretty much just that one guy who left (he’s back in about a week.) There are exactly two students in the program right now, though to be fair, that does seem to be on the low side of average, half a dozen to ten might be a little more normal.

Just out of curiosity, was “Flake” of the previous thread the one who got high and started the grease fire?

Wait, are you leaving school?

I’m sorry that you’ve gone through this, it sounds like a lot of torture.

I’m gonna back out now, I can hear the rush of “told you so’s” coming quickly.

I hope this does move the pit, because I have a comment for** Leaffan**.

That sucks man. I had worthless roommates in college also. Being late with the rent is completely unacceptable and probably the cause of the other disrespecting activities. They think, ‘hey, I can walk all over this guy’ so they do. When you move out you’ll get the entire damage deposit, just DARE them to claim any of it. I assume you’re the primary, hence the weight is on your shoulders if they don’t come through…start evicting people. You’ll have to pay their share for awhile, but you have a chance of finding someone more responsible and you’re already paying for them. I doubt you’ll get the money they all owe you, if they we responsible they wouldn’t owe you in the first place. Good luck, may the force be with you.

Eesh, if that’s the worst decision you’ve ever made than you’re doing better than a lot of other people I know. I mean, its not like you married the wrong person or something…

Oddly enough, no, she was the most responsible out of all of them. She always paid rent on time, did her share of the utilities (truth be told, it was pretty much just her and I paying for everything. I was able to get some money out of the others for the oil, but I got almost none for the water and internet, and she got very little for the electric.)

The one who started a grease fire wasn’t one of the ones originally moving in. One girl didn’t move in so we got a replacement. The original girl paid August and September, we had no one for October, and the new girl moved in in November. Guess who paid ALL of the extra rent for October? Yup, me. But I’ll get that back because the original girl paid a security deposit and I’ll just take all of that.

Oh man I totally empathize with you. I know how much the rent situation can suck. My housemates were totally irresponsible too. When I told my apartment manager what was going on, she gave us a bit of a break and told me that I could take them to civil court and sue them for lack of rent payment. I threatened legal action and lo and behold, there’s the rent, on time.

Seriously, go to your school and I’m sure there’s an advisor with all the numbers of lawyers you can contact about this (usually schools have some free legal service for students about these types of things) or they might have the actual paperwork that you can fill out to take your old housemates to court. DON’T LET THEM GO ON THIS! Get your money back because it’s partly their fault that you’re going through this financial struggle. Just be sure to keep all the paperwork. Keep logs of all the overdraft fees, the times you went negative, try your best to get copies of the checks you wrote for rent and your bank statements for when you go to court. Document everything! And be sure to have these papers be actual statements from the bank.

If you choose to stop going to grad school, next time be sure to thoroughly research the program, but most important, research your possible supervising professor. They’ll be the one that you’ll need the most help from and who will ultimately sign off on your thesis.

Good luck!

From what I was told by my apartment manager, at least in California, it is illegal to take another person’s security deposit in lieu of unpaid rent or bills. You might want to check up with the pro bono lawyer on that.

Welcome to MPSIMS. This is not the Pit, so keep the insults outta here.

Some day you’ll look back on this and laugh.

Until then – well, as my father said, some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you. Difference is, the bear only gets you once.

You should move back with the parental units. This sitch sounds horrid. I’d give it up.

By the way, who’s responsible for getting an advisor for you? I would pitch a bitch if someone is supposed to set that up for you. If it’s your responsibility, I’d find out how to do it. Sounds like it would relieve some of your worry.


How did you get stuck having your bank account linked to the rent direct deposit?
Telling you to go see an academic advisor is all well and good, but I’ve seen my fair share of disorganized, completely unsympathetic advisors (when they’re actually available) who resent students for making them do their jobs.

Not having a thesis/research topic after a year is not the end of the world, but it sucks to be paying for classes you may not need or benefit from. U.S. tuition is a fucking nightmare, almost worse than health care.

There is no shame in moving back in with your parents, if only for a few months to figure things out. Plenty of masters students do it (or wish they could be doing it if they lived close by). There are so many responsible people who’ve been in your situation- try to find some of them the next time you look for a place. Find a place on your own and ask roomies for references, or find other master’s students to rent with.

As a former graduate student and sometimes college professor and advisor, I very highly recommend that you go above the department level - - provided you’ve exhausted all of your options there - - and get an appointment to visit with someone in the graduate school administration office. You need their counsel about how to establish an exit/graduation strategy. There may be a non-thesis option available to you. There may be a way for you to switch departments.

You simply cannot complete a graduate program without an advisor. It should be encumbent on the department to provide you with the support you need to complete their requirements for graduate study, and if they are not holding up their end of the bargain, the graduate school should step in.

If you have not exhausted all of your options with the department, make an appointment with the department head. If this is the aforementioned director who is on leave, then of course this advice is not pertinent.

Bottom line - YOU need to take charge of your studies and protect your massive investment of time and money. In my experience, while universities are staffed by people who by and large want to see you succeed, at the institutional level there are no safety nets. It’s up to you to trigger the help you need. Good luck.