I’m going to a viewing (wake) tomorrow, and I’m worried I won’t know anyone there. (Found out on Facebook, no “friends” indicating they plan to attend) Would it bother you if people you didn’t know attended a loved one’s wake, even if THEY knew person?
Hmm. I’d assume it’s comforting for the bereaved to see the other’s in the recently departed’s life show up to pay their respects. But some folks are a little clannish, so you have to try and judge that. If you’re not welcome, they would be boorish though.
An exception might be if you were the person’s illicit lover.
It probably depends on the family. . . but actually the random people none of us knew who came to my grandfathers funeral were an awesome part of the day. Particularly because there were a lot of them. The man made friends with everyone. We got to hear stories about sides of him we’d never seen before. I think I have a more complete picture of him and his life than I did before. (It was also a giant funeral, and people who didn’t want to talk to anyone from the family certainly could have just come and gone. The viewing line was at one point out the door and along the sidewalk, so the grandchildren would patrol the line and visit with people.)
Funerals are for the benefit of the living. If it will make you feel better to attend, then do so. You can pay your respects, sign the guest book, and then leave if you wish.
I think it’s comforting to the family to know the deceased had friends, even if the family didn’t know them personally.
I did this over the summer. An acquaintance of mine died, and my wife and I went to the viewing, even though we were pretty sure that we weren’t going to know anyone there. As we were leaving, we introduced ourselves to his widow, and she was very glad that we had come - she had heard her husband mention my name on several occasions.
Definitely go. Knowing that your loved one touched the world is often such a comfort, and finding new people who share memories is one of the positive parts of the funeral process. When actually there, you can judge who of the family/other friends are interested in meeting you and maybe swapping stories. I can almost guarantee that at least a few will.
If I were in the family of the deceased, it would not bother me at all if people who only knew him or her came. As long as you dress and act respectfully, your presence should be welcomed.
I agree that you should go. The family might or might not say anything to you, but if they do, I’m sure the words will be to thank you for coming. If they ask how you know the deceased, its not because they are challenging your right to be there, its because they want to hear about their loved one. This will be the moment to say how you are connected and to say some nice things about him/her.
edited to say that I’m sorry for your loss.
About a year ago a lady I worked with years ago died. I planned to slip in, sign the book and leave. I was recognized, and discovered even with minimal contact I had with her children, I had a lot of influence on them and was remembered and appreciated. We had a very nice conversation.
I stopped in at a wake (just before they left for the cemetary) as a courtesy to a friend. Didn’t know a single person there, and people were kind of milling around and talking, so I didn’t even know who was the grieving family. Paid my respects, signed the book, grabbed one of those little cards to add to my sadly growing collection, and left. Took less than 5 minutes.
I was right that I didn’t know anyone there. But my prescence WAS welcomed/appreciated.
Re: signing the guest book.
When my sister died, there were people who came to the funeral & signed the guest book. When we went home & read through it & had no idea who they were, we decided they were “professional funeral goers”
Is it not possible they were just friends of hers you didn’t know?