I am just going back and forth right now between numb and heartache immeasurable. My friend’s horse Jinx died unexpectedly today. I wrote it all up as an on-line journal entry, so am just cutting and pasting. Just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with my fellow animal lovers here.
This Is Not The Post I Wanted to Make Today
May 26, 2012
I went to the barn as usual today, filled with high hopes of working with Jewel and taking another lesson.
When I came in, Jamie was in the indoor arena with Jinx, but I didn’t really think much of it and came on in to see Jewel. Got a warm greeting from her and went around the corner to Donna and Sue; that’s when they told me that they thought Jinx had either coliced or had gotten cast in his stall. They said when Bethany came in to the barn this morning, his stall was destroyed- bottom boards torn off, and he had struggled so much he had dug out a pit in the middle. Dirt, shavings, poop and his salt block were all out in the aisles. Mike got there with the trailer and they loaded him to take him to the vet.
Maybe a half hour later, Jamie and I were talking and her cell rang; she said ‘Eleanor, what’s wrong?’ and her hand went limp, dropping her glove, then she turned around and walked away. When she got off the phone, she took Lauren and me outside and told us they are running tests, but the vet thought that he had a tumor in his intestines. Jinx was pooping blood at that point.
A lesson didn’t show up and Lauren asked if I wanted to move mine up; neither one of us was in the mood for it, and agreed to skip it this week. I told her I wanted to work with Jewel and asked if she would want to help with that, and she said yes, so I went and got Jewel, taking her into the outdoor arena. Lauren went to get something inside, and while I was waiting, I led my baby around, letting her look at everything. When Lauren came out, she was bawling like a baby, and came to me and put her arms around me. All I heard her say was ‘he’s gone’ and I lost it too. We stood there just clinging to each other crying. Jewel COULD have taken that opportunity to misbehave, to pull away or act out, but instead, she moved in closer to us and leaned her head against us. I think she knew.
Jamie said Eleanor wanted everyone to leave, so we got everything put up; I took Jewel back out to her pasture and she didn’t want to go in, she wanted to stay with me. When I came in, Jamie asked if Lauren and I would help her with Jinx’s stall, and of course we did. None of us spoke. Lauren and I were the last to leave; as we were walking ut to our cars, Mike’s truck came back in. They were going to euthanize him at home, in the pasture, so he can be buried there.
How can there not be a Jinx? How will we be able to face going into the barn without his sweet face hanging out over the stall to greet everyone? To beg for treats? When I left last Saturday, I had half a dozen pieces of apple and carrots left in my Rubbermade tub and I took them to him and let him eat them all, right from the tub.
He and Bethany had a love affair like no other. Their love was palatable.
Losing a dog or a cat is painful soul deep, but horses… horses are different. Jamie said today you love a dog with your heart, but you love a horse with your soul. Dogs love unconditionally, but horses? You have to earn that love and trust. Horses are more than pets, more, even than family. With a horse, you have a partnership. The horse becomes an extension of yourself. He takes you places you would not be able to go without him.
Only those who have known that love, that bond can understand.
R.I.P Jixie. You were loved by many.
This last one was the first time Bethany rode Jinx. I was honored to be there. Her smile was just infectous.
