Good feeling verses bad feeling

Yesterday was my birthday. My kids asked me, well my daughter really, what I wanted for my birthday and I said I wanted some yarn and a new set of crochet hooks. So we made plans to go today. My son gets off at 1:30pm today so we were going to go after he got off work.

Well yesterday she got off work early and suggested we go then. I agreed as 1:30pm today lands in the middle of the Browns game. I suggested she call her brother to make sure it was cool with him.

She reported back that he was at home relaxing and watching a movie. I was not upset as we changed plans so I could understand it. She however was upset with him. She thought he should have “got his butt up” and agreed to go shopping early. She ranted about how they had made the time to take their father out to dinner and a movie on his birthday. She also threw in the remark that she told him that “mom is much more important than dad”.

I told her that no her father was just as important, something I had a hard time stating, but I did never the less and moved on with the shopping plans.

I am a single mom that basically raised our kids alone. He does pay support and used to see them twice a month but that has dwindled a great deal. Our daughter being seventeen sees him about once every two months, which she initiates, and our son at nineteen sees him less then that, three times a year, maybe.

Now while the sentiment I am sure was genuine, I felt bad about it. I don’t want her to feel like that about her dad. I have never put her dad down or tried to make him less important than me but I have spent the majority of time with them. He could have done more and I would have allowed him more visitation if he wanted it, he just did not make any extra effort and now it seems she realizes that. He is not a bad person, just a bad parent or I guess I should say lack of a parenting.

Maybe it is just that she has grown up and can now see the difference between her two parents.

I wanted to gloat and to be honest for a second I did, but it still made me feel bad.

Just my opinion here - you have nothing to feel bad about.

Your daughter is of the age where she can make her own decisions about the relative merits of her parents. I understand why you wanted to speak up for him, but as long as she’s not getting the bile towards her father from you, it sounds like he has simply started to reap the regard his actions have earned from her.

As for gloating…

Umm…

I really should be agreeing with you that it’s a bad habit to indulge in.

But…

I can’t bring myself to do it.