Just now, when I answered the phone, the caller (the receptionist here) wasn’t expecting me to be at this desk answering this phone.
When she asked where the expected answerer was (the person who usually sits here), I replied, “I’ve tied him up and locked him in the closet.”
Immediately, she replied, re: that person, who is gay and out: “We had trouble enough him getting out of the closet the first time, why would do that?”
Good one!
Got any good and immediately spoken comeback replies like that to share?
I was having a phone conversation with a friend. At one point (I forget why) he took on the persona of a secretary, saying "There’s a Mr. Zeno trying to come to the office, but he says he can’t get there.
Without any conscious thought, I replied: “Tell him I’m willing to meet him halfway!”
I liked it so much that I used it as one of my first SDMB sig lines.
knock on the door
Me: “Hello?”
Overly Perky Soccer Mom Types: “Hello! Do you have a relationship with Jesus?”
Me: “Naaah, y’know, we tried, but it just didn’t work out. Why, are you here to serve some paperwork? Cos he doesn’t live here, I don’t care what he told you.”
closes door
cracks up at my own wittiness
Me, chatting with a reasonably-attractive woman acquaintance at work, discussing our summer weekends: “I don’t go to the beach, because my skin is like a fine wine - it only comes in either white or red”
Her snappy retort: “Ah, but does it age well?”
My retort to hers: “Only if I am kept on my side with a wet cork”
<giggling ensues>
Call dispkay on my phone has allowed me to toss this one off a few times…
Phone rings, display shows it is “Dave”…
I pick up phone and say “Hi, Is Dave there?”
You can hear the mental gears grinding as “Dave” deals with this unexpected reversal of a typical telephone exchange…
FML
Oh yes. One of my favorite tactics for demonstrating the hazards of a mainspring too tightly wound.
The joys of caller ID.
My favorite. I live too far from Domino’s Pizza for them to deliver so I have to meet them half way. They call to let me know they’re on the way. I answer, “Domino’s Pizza, can you hold please?” I swear I’ve heard springs breaking on the other end.