Good riddance fuckface!

The BBQ Pit
1

Hey you little dickhead. You’re welcome that I gave you a job 4 months ago. Just so you know, it was mostly a favor to your old man that works for our company too. It sure as hell wasn’t your good looks. However, in all honesty your resume didn’t hurt either. It didn’t look too bad. Too bad all the personality info was full of shit.

You didn’t get a raise after 3 months because you were not exactly a good employee. As a matter of a fact, you were fucking terrible Come on, did you have to actually ask??? Geezuz, you were overpaid $400 a month as it was!

None of the guys here could believe a fuckin’ word that came out of your mouth. Let me remind you with only a few examples:

**
Man, I broke my record! I fucked 13 girls this past weekend! Never mind the fact that everyone is pretty sure I’m still a virgin…

I drank over 48 beer and 2 - 26 ouncers of Rye last night! Never mind the fact I am 5’7" and 115 lbs soaking wet…

I got my cavalier going 150 Mph!!! Did I neglect to mention that I was probably smoking a lot of drugs and it was pushed it out the back of a fucking Hercules transport plane and it was in freefall since you car is a P.O.S. and Cavaliers are lucky to even be able to do 100 anyhow?

Oh! You’re folks are moving to the Carribean bernse? My folks are too! Never mind the fact they live in a POS mobile home in a trailer park way in the boonies!

I went to my grandparents 80th anniversery last weekend!
Oh yeah, please forget the fact that I already told you that they’re 82 and 84 years old.

No, Bob told me not to finish doing that project! Never mind the fact he has been on holidays for the past 2 weeks!
**

and several others… those are the only ones that come to my mind right now.

Let me also remind you that you were late at least 2 days every week. Sometimes not much more than 2 minutes… other times 15 minutes. Regardless, you just started a new job. Here is a bit of free advice. BE ON FUCKING TIME OR AT LEAST MAKE THE EFFORT TO MAKE IT ON TIME… ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE JUST STARTING A JOB YOU FREAKIN’ MORON!!

Do you remember your second day of work here and you left 10 minutes early? Did you really think I would believe the excuse that your clock back there is 10 minutes fast? I might be nice, but I’m not retarded (although I did hire you…)

Yes, I noticed you standing around up front for 15 minutes with your thumb up your ass before you started to work. Just because my office isn’t out front doesn’t mean I didn’t know you were there. So why in the fuck did you act so suprised when I started to tell you to get to work?

Do you remember that morning that you didn’t show up, and since the phone numbers you gave me didn’t work I (REMEMBER, YOUR FUCKING BOSS!!! THE IDIOT THAT HIRED YOU???) drove to your fucking house to wake you up??? And you laughed like you couldn’t believe you did that??? Yeah, that was real funny. I liked doing that.

And finally, do you remember last week when we pointed out you put something in the wrong space? You were standing RIGHT THERE in front of it and you turned around and walked away after it was pointed out to you without fixing it? YOU WERE RIGHT THERE FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! Why the fuck didn’t you fix it then! And yet you were confused when I got mad at you 4 hours later when I noticed it still wasn’t done? How about all those times you just put shit away without even receiving it into inventory?

And what about last tuesday? You were late almost 1/2 a fucking hour. When I called you into the office to ask you why and you told me “you were paying bills.” Well whoop-de-fucking-doo! When I said “At least call me first so I know, or come in first and ask to leave for a few minutes” you looked at me like I was some sort of fucking space alien because you REALLY didn’t think you did anything wrong, did you??? And that look of shock on your face when I told you that you were on thin ice? Come on boy, how much of a suprise was that!?

And finally, Friday. Really, thank-you for not showing at all. However, that last lie that you told Saturday night when one of the guys saw you in the bar that I “Fired you since you were 5-10 mintues late” was soooo fucking stupid since everyone knew you never bothered to show up at all!! Even if you did, we would have SEEN YOUR CAR DRIVE BY THE WINDOW WHEN YOU LEFT!!! Christ, I even drove by your house at lunch to see if your car was there… and yes, I saw that it was. I was not going to wake you up again though you little dick-lick.

Just so you know, I know I shoud have fired you 3 months ago… HOWEVER, we kept thinking it might get better. I don’t like firing people. As a matter of fact, I am a little protective of my employees. Yeah, I know, I know, I am a fucking dummy by not pushing to get your ass thrown out a long time ago, I know… but I will tell you this, it sure as hell won’t happen again. A bullshitter and compulsive liar is never a good employee. Let alone one that is only 18. You’ve got a real good start on life, son. This job could have been a fucking carrer. They pay is pretty good and the job is very secure. You have possibilities to transfer all over the country if you so desire. There are still people with the company that have been at it for 40 years. As a matter of a fact, it is pretty tough to get fired once you are past your probationary period. The tough part is getting hired. Years go by at times before we hire a new employee out of the company. Man, did you ever fucking drive off the golden brick road of easy street. You could have had it made. And the part I don’t understand is how you screwed up since *** your job was sooooo god damn easy!!!***

I really hope you find your dream job now where you can come in and leave whenever you want and your coworkers believe your bullshit. I feel so sorry for your old man since EVERYONE in the fucking company now knows he has a fucking reject for a son.

Good luck, you little fuckwad. At least you did teach me a lesson.

2

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

It’s tough having faith in people, only to constantly have then let you down, eh?

3

Shitty for you.

Hey, is this guy single? Hes exactly the kind of superstar that I like to date…

Al.

4

Just for the record, bernse isn’t talking about me. I really was laid off. Honest.

5

Hey, Bernse, I didn’t know you were in Alberta! Want a really good employee who shows up on time, doesn’t lie, takes initiative, learns really quickly and has a really good feel for what employers want before they even know it themselves? Because I am coming available again next week. Hint hint.
(Oh yeah, sorry about the dipshit. He sounds like my fiance’s boss’s son, who shows up for work if he feels like it, and then doesn’t show up again for 3 days. The boss is aware of how bad he is, however, and has no problem with firing the boy when things get slow enough to kick him out.)

6

What city do you live in Featherlou?

7

Ahem.

I got a speeding ticket two weeks ago. I was doing 149 kmh in my Cavalier. (2000 model)

Glad you got rid of him, bernse. Glad you’ll have less stress. What kind of a business is it? I have a nephew that needs a job :wink:

8

Mph Ginger. You were doing about 95.

Does your nephew live in or near GP by chance?

9

So, um…are you hiring? I’m 18, but bright, smily, occasionally intellegent, creative, and willing to do anything from making copies to attepting to analyze microstructures.

I’m only almost kidding. But I really should go back to school. I’m just terminally bored and poor this summer.

10

He’s in Red Deer, soon to be living with Auntie Ginger in Canmore - like next week. But thankfully only for the summer.
However - this weekend he’ll be up in Valleyview. Doing whatever they do on grad weekends nowadays. He’s 17, going to a friend’s grad up there.

And I only wish it was only 95K, bernse. That way I wouldn’t have been ticketed.

11

Ah Ginger honey… :wink:

He was saying he was going 150 Mph, not Km/h. I have no doubt whatsoever you got a ticket doing 149 Km/h. You seem like the type that would have a bit of a leadfoot on the #1 going from Calgary west :slight_smile: If your nephew was up here I would definetly interview him.

I’m sorry to hear he’s going to Valleyview for a weekend :frowning:

As an aside, when my girlfriend (now wife) lived in Calgary (just accross from C.O.P. down the hill from that Petro-can station and Shell next to the Mc Ds and Wendy’s) we used to make some awsome time to Kananaskis since we were right on the western outskirts of the city.

12

Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but…

I was clocked by the Pennsylvania State Police doing 125 mph (not quite 150) on the turnpike going down the mountains.

They just looked at me like I was nuts. They were right. :wink: They gave me a flyer on that one, luckily.

But the point is, I was in a 1986 Cavalier station wagon. So it IS possible. You just need to get a good run to do it.

13

Hi, Bernse )and Ginger); I live in Calgary; it sounds like you are up by Grande Prairie? That’s a pretty long commute for me. :slight_smile: Let me know if you ever open a Calgary office, eh?
Ginger, I’m jealous. Living in Canmore? What a beautiful area.

14

We do have a Calgary office. Unfortunately, we are not looking for anyone outside the company at present at that branch.

:frowning:

15

featherlou, you knew where I was… I even offered to sew your weddin’ dress!

16

Ginger, I thought you were north of Calgary, then I thought you moved to the NWTerritories. I’m not always great at understanding things (understatement of the year to people who know me) :frowning: (BTW, thanks for the offer of sewing the wedding dress - I think I overlooked that in the other thread. How are you at chiffon?)

bernse, after careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to
accept all refusals.

Despite {insert your company’s name}'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time; therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following my termination of my current position. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

(Kidding! I’m kidding! And also plagerizing, probably. I got this in an email a long time ago.)

17

Well, this kinda makes me feel a bit better in a sadistic sorta way.

I saw the little puke walking down the street the other day. I didn’t think anything of it, really. Then the next day I saw his car at a used car lot. My best guess is his bank repo’d it and auctioned it off. He would have never given it up.

He has had various people phoning him at work ranging from Blockbuster Video for 1 month past due movies to the cops.

I remember him saying shortly after I hired him, “Yeah, I got offered a job from 4 others places too, but I like it here. Its nice to know I could get a job anywhere else if I wanted.” :rolleyes:

Yeah, right kiddo.