Good sig quotes.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have a particularly long list of funny quotes that I have assembled into 2 long AOL sig files. Many of them are from this board, your sigs and comments and what-not. I’m asking you to help me add to my list. Funny quotes, sigs, basically anything with humor that I can put on my list. Use your imaginations and be creative. I’ll put some of my favorites on here to start off.
quote:“WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you.”
WHEW! Thank God for warnings!

In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.

Jesus doesn’t really love you, but he thinks you have a great personality.

The christians are coming to get you.
And they are not pleasant people.

“Personally, I think that we should use taxpayer’s money to pay drug-crazed homosexual flag-burning felons to come into citizens’ homes to confiscate their guns and teach Satanism to their children. But that’s just my opinion. Some folks may disagree.”

Ladyfoxfyre: everybody thinks I am good, innocent, an angel. he’s the only one who knows how I really am.
Bassistdtc: how’s that?
Ladyfoxfyre: the kinky sex-crazed maniac whore.
Bassistdtc: lmao

Well, debating merely for the sake of debating rates, on my scale of pleasurable things to do, somewhere down there close to giving birth to a flaming porcupine.

“oh yes… this is the pit…
ahem…
Fuck the Fundies. with Fruit. Forcefully. And Alliterate.”

I’m evidently being stuck with Satan. Of course I’m not happy about this. He seems like a real bastard.

It’s really too bad that ignorance isn’t painful

Jesus Saves! Passes to Moses! He Shoots, HE SCORES!!!

Looking forward to some creative stuff from you guys.

2

I can’t remember who, but somebody has a sig that says something like,

“And for the love of Our Father, stop abusing that goat! It is so Old Testament”

Cracks me up everytime I see it.

3

I’ve used these as sigs on other sites, and occasionally here.

%
I think you love people until you get to understand them and that’s when you move away.
Of course I’m not happy, but I’ve got a degree in psychology so at least I can explain why.

Then I decided I like my current sig.

4

Yeah, Lsura I’ve got yours in there too actually.

5

This one was used after another of my friends gave a convoluted story about why he wasn’t wearing a belt.

“Moral of the story: Don’t screw it, especially if it’s your brother’s.”

This one was used in a comment about a troll.

“This guy needs some hard liqueor and a good nap.”
“No alcohol, it may interact with the crack he’s already on.”

And this one was from Esprix, so you know it’s good.

“If you strike me down, I shall become more gay than you can possibly imagine.”

6

From the “Stupidest thing you ever overheard?” thread in IMHO:

JR pointed in particular to the head of some kind of wild cat and said, clearly bursting with pride,
“They thought those things were extinct around here, until I shot that one!”

For a giant list of generally funny and many times sigworthy quotes, head over to:

http://www.kbuxton.com/discordia/discordianquotes.html

Some of my favs from above:

“Here’s what I know,” said the physicist. “If we lived in a microscopic world, trucks would crash into walls, fly apart and then reassemble perfectly on the other side of the wall. This has been proven.”

Ewige Blumenkraft!

The Jetdillo Project: 2000 pounds of steel, 20,000 pounds of thrust. One pair of very dark shades. The world’s first fully cybernetic, SSTO-capable armadillo. Coming soon from Armadillo Labs. The Dasypian Future begins tommorrow…

If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he’ll have a headache for a day. But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he’ll have headaches for the rest of his life.

The decision doesn’t have to be logical, it was unanimous.

You can use the lycos translator to translate those quotes in languages that you don’t quite understand.

7

I said that? :smiley:

Esprix

8

Some of mine:

Elf: The Other White Meat

Some may go left, some may go right. I say go whichever way allows the 400 lb eskimo to in a mesh top, hotpants, and carrying a green dyed weiner dog. Gotta be more hilarious that way

When in doubt, Haidoken them!

9

After that few are worth a second glance.

All the above of course is **IMHO]/b]

10

[sup]I hope I don’t duplicate. Some are funny some aren’t.[/sup]

I guess we are the elixir that makes everybody happy. When we show up, everyone else seems to get better."

  • Mike Ditka, after his Saints were whooped by the Giants.

“Listen to what I tell you and do it. If you do, three things can happen: One, it will work and you’ll get credit. Two, it won’t work and I’ll get the blame. Three, you’ll do it wrong and you’ll be gone.”

  • Mike Holmgren

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

“Teenagers are a group of individuals who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.”
-Anonymous

Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?

I SMILE BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON

Comfort the disturbed–Distrub the comfortable

“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security, will not have, nor do they deserve either one.”
-Thomas Jefferson

If it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features.

When you’re feeling down, whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

“Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.”

  • Mary Pickford
    “I laid down on my bed last night, looking at the stars and started thinking, ‘Where the hell is my ceiling!?’”

Any large company composed of wholly admirable persons has the morality and intelligence of an unwieldy, stupid, and violent animal. The bigger the organization, the more unavoidable is its immorality and blind stupidity.

  • Carl Jung
11

I was struck with the stunning insight below only recently – back story is short, tragic, and of no consequence.

12

Oops. This one was by SPOOFE. I sometimes get you, SPOOFE, and Scylla mixed up. After all, you three are the first people I think of when it comes to drink-spitting funny quotes. :slight_smile: