Recently another doper pointed me to the Nazi Ground Hog thread. It was very funny. What are your favorite threads? Thanks
The GQ forum is for questions with factual answers. Since you’re looking for opinions, I’ll move this thread to the IMHO forum.
bibliophage
moderator GQ
Off the top of my head the Lieu prehensile thread was good.
The horror of Blimps was another one.
Rue’s Story Guy threads are great, and there was a wonderfully horrible TMI thread about. Oh and what was that thread called about strange things happening during sex? I remember a prosthetic leg was involved. That one had me snorting hysterically.
:smack:
The wonderfully horrible TMI thread was about zits.
Personally, I think you can find good threads at most any place in the mall, but OTOH, I’m no clothes horse, so YMMV.
This post from This thread?
This one by Welby cracked me up- “And Yea, the Child of Filth Did Arise”
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=143463&highlight=verily
I’m reading the page-o-fools section and just read the story about the fat guy and the girls he never realized were flirting with him in his past. I sooo Identify with that story.
Is Coldfire’s about the misprinted phone number true?
The product (marbles) contains marbles? :dubious:
Best… Story… EVER!..
Either you’re thinking of another of mine or, more likely, Billy Rubin’s thread.
Check out the Watershed moments in SDMB History thread. Lots of links to great threads.
Biggirl’s: Let’s send Snapple some more “Fun Facts” for their bottle tops. (Compiled here to save time)
[ul][li]Mr. Joe Average and his wife Mary have maintained a household of 2.5 children for over 10 years. [/li][li]Soul was christened by James Brown at the same small storefront Baptist church that coronated Michael Jackson the King of Pop. [/li][li]Joanie Loves Chachi was the first lesbian themed sitcom on national television.[/li][li]Manx Hairless cats are a direct result of a devastating epidemic of mange on the Isle of Man.[/li][li]Turkeys will fry in their own fat if not removed to indoors when the temperature reaches 100 degrees or above. [/li][li]It takes over 125,000 gaspodes to make one gallon of gas.[/li][li]Styrofoam is actually made from recycled Sterno. (The change in name is due to a typo during the development of Styrofoam.)[/li][li]Cats, when not observed by humans, are actually running the planet.[/li][li]There are more nerve endings in a man’s nipple than his entire left foot.[/li][li]If you stacked up all the bricks produced annually in Paraguay, you’d have a really tall pile.[/li][li]A simple combination of lemon juice, salt and crushed garlic makes an excellent disinfectant for small cuts.[/li][li]The whale is not really a fish, It is an insect.[/li][li]Ron Jeremy achieved his enormous girth and length via a hydraulically enhanced Tug-A-Hoy™.[/li][li]A round pizza can never be cut into more than eight slices.[/li][li]A piece of paper cannot be folded more than twice.[/li][li]George W. Bush’s real parents are Cornelius and Zera from “The Planet of the Apes.”[/li][li]An elephant’s ejaculate has over 1,000,000 calories.[/li][li]In 1912, Lewis Grind of Peoria, IL actually dug a hole all the way to China.[/li][li]Contrary to popular myth, a woodchuck can’t actually chuck anything.[/li][li]The fish stick is neither a fish nor a stick. It is a fungus.[/li][li]Cheez-Whiz contains neither cheese nor whiz. We’re better off not knowing what it’s really made from. Although, it is surprisingly good at removing permanent marker stains.[/li][li]In Sweden, it is illegal to shake hands with someone of the opposite sex on a Thursday.[/li][li]The Mars candy bar was not named for the planet, but for President Calvin Coolidge’s son-in-law.[/li][li]Some varieties of trees have more than 40 leaves.[/li][li]The ink used to write the Declaration Of Independence was in fact made from the spit of an Emperor Penguin.[/li][li]If you have rubber soled shoes, go ahead and stand under a tree during an electrical storm; the rubber insulates you from electricity![/li][li]Standard household bleach removes just about any stain from your furniture or carpeting if you let is soak long enough[/li][li]In Mexico, extending your middle finger is a friendly way to say, “Hello. How are you?”[/li][li]The Electric Slide was so named because of the similarity to the muscle contortions of an electrocuted person.[/li][li]Giraffes can’t drive a car and no one knows why.[/li][li]The dinosaurs died out because they couldn’t afford the co-pay.[/li][li]Stonehenge was built to confuse future historians.[/li][li]If all the books in the Library of Congress were laid in a row from end to end, they would span the same distance it is between Washington D.C. and Chicago.[/li][li]George Washington didn’t chop down a cherry tree. He did cut down an apple tree, but he used a saw, not an ax.[/li][li]Driver’s licenses have been around longer than cars. People who operated horse-driven carriages were required to have a license.[/li][li]The surface of a basketball is nubby because the game was originally played with ripe oranges.[/li][li]There are no stitches in a tennis ball, because tennis players universally refuse to sew.[/li][li]Before the invention of telephones, most people communicated telepathically. [/li][li]Women’s underwear was once sewn of iron wool, later to be replaced by burlap.[/li][li]For years, people thought the earth was not round but a cube.[/li][li]The sun is nearly 3 times as far away as the moon.[/li][li]The clutch was named for Gen. William Clutch, a civil war general. He was known to keep the troops from stalling.[/li][li]At the height of his popularity, American songwriter Stephen Foster was the richest man in the world.[/li][li]The legal definition of a shaft is “a black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks” as per Bartlett’s Judicial Review Dictionary.[/li][li]An eggplant is not a vegetable, but is in fact a large single-celled organism.[/li][li]The reason stars appear to twinkle is because of thousands of tiny earthquakes that happen every second, but are too small to feel.[/li][li]The Right Whale was named after U. S. Navy Captain Jonathan S. Whale.[/li][li]Chief Sitting Bull was the first Amish Native American.[/li][li]Gophers are not able to whistle at night.[/li][li]King Tut’s favorite hobby was making pizza.[/li][li]Vikings discovered a number system based on screaming.[/li][li]Snapple is now the Official Beverage of Islamabad, Pakistan[/li][li]A titmouse is not a tit, nor is it a mouse. It’s a small type of bear that hibernates during the summer.[/li][li]Aphids can spontaneously combust without dying.[/li][li]The average adult can cram 20 golf balls in their mouth.[/li][li]If all the toilet paper in the world was lined up end to end, it would could wrap the world 12 times, cure cancer and make decent pot of tea. [/li][li]The secret ingredient of McDonald’s Special Sauce is the pituitary gland secretion of a rare species of Belgian rabbit.[/li][li]A mule belonging to Queen Victoria lived to the age of 105.[/li][li]Colonel Sanders was really a Brigadier General.[/li][li]The number “six” isn’t real after 6 PM on Thursdays[/li][li]A railroad engineer thrown off a cliff doesn’t scream, and no one knows why.[/li][li]The tuxedo was named after Henry D. Tuxedo, who, to the end of his life, never wore one.[/li][li]“In Like Flynn” was named after early 20th-century boxer “Fireman Jim” Flynn.[/li][li]If the entire Cabinet is wiped out, then I become President.[/li][li]The inside of your eyelid is covered with an extremely fine hair. Whenever you “get something” in your eye, it’s usually a one of those hairs coming loose.[/li][li]The city of Houston, Texas was once situated in the location of Friendswood, Texas. A flood in 1877 moved the city hall some 30 miles up the Brazos River. Rather than rebuild, they just repaired the city hall building where the flood moved it and declared that was where the city is.[/li][li]Wewoka, Oklahoma is the backstory hometown of the Wookie from Star Wars.[/li][li]On Sesame Street, the characters of Bert and Ernie are based the cop and cab driver from It’s A Wonderful Life and are straight. The character Cookie Monstre, though, was original written as a flaming homosexual, which explains his “queer eyes.”[/li][li]Flan was originally made from Chihuahua fur and urine. Now, it is usually made from spider’s eggs and dill pickle brine, with artificial flavoring.[/li][li]In one average silver earring, there is enough energy to light the entire city of Bumfuck, USA, for a span of three and a half years, which is coincidentally the time span that one can continuously blow a trumpet before automatically transforming into a trumpet-playing duck.[/li][li]George Clinton is the longest-serving Prime Minister in world history, serving from 1969 to 1983, 1987 to 1988, and from 1991 to 1997.[/li][li]Smiling suppresses the gag reflex.[/li][li]No one has ever drowned in the canal connecting Milwaukee with Sacramento.[/li][li]In 1934, a team of 14 Canadian Boy Scouts was swept over the Niagra Falls. All survived.[/li][li]Atacama is the longest word to contain three letter As.[/li][li]In England, it is illegal for anyone but the aristocracy to own stocks and shares[/li][li]A puffin and a penguin are actually the same bird - the name depends on whether they’re in the northern or the southern hemisphere.[/li][li]A leopard does not actually have any spots.[/li][li]The only word officially allowed to be sung in competition by the Swiss Yodelling Society is “Jödelai”, which is the name of the founder’s wife.[/li][li]Fungus was first discovered in Botswana.[/li][li]Waffle Stompers were preceeded by three miserable years with the Pancakers.[/li][li]Inhaling through a flute is one way to attract butterflies.[/li][li]Most of the barley and hopps used by Trappist Monks are provided by a Topeka nunnery.[/li][li]The number 7’s “lucky” status was non-existent until Disney’s Snow White. The previous (and real) lucky number was 9.[/li][li]The number 13 became an “unlucky number” relatively recently, when an unknown joker in the 19th century made up the word “triskadecaphobia”.[/li][li]Famous left-handed Renaissance artist/scientist Leonardo DaVinci was, in reality, a right-handed woman.[/li][li]Winston Churchill, Honus Wagner, and Isadora Duncan were all born with fully-functioning gills.[/li][li]The first Roller Disco was opened in Italy in 1215 by Pope Innocent III.[/li][li]“Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” was the original code phrase for the Normandy landings.[/li][li]The hit “Survivor” reality-TV series started as a drunken dare from one studio executive to another.[/li][li]Despite having about a million pairs of shoes, Imelda Marcos typically walked around wearing nondescript flip-flops.[/li][li]Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC because they don’t actually serve chicken anymore, it’s processed genetic material.[/li][li]The yellow liquid they put on movie popcorn is actually melted yellow Crayola crayons. If you ask nice, they will use other color crayons.[/li][li]Mr. Ed was a zebra![/li][li]The California flag was originally supposed to have a pear, but a misspelling changed history![/li][li]Edgar Rice Burroughs naming his celebrated apeman after the city he lived in![/li][li]The nursery rhyme ‘Sing a Song of Sixpence’ originated as a coded message used to recruit crew members for pirate ships. [/li][li]Only three American composers of classical music have ever had their works performed at Salzburg during their lifetimes: Charles Ives in 1951, Aaron Copeland in 1967, and Gene Gene The Dancing Machine in 1982.[/li][li]Neither “Phillip Glass” nor “Stephen Sondheim” exist; they were both created in 1960 by Bennett Cerf as a practical joke.[/li][li]Jimson weed makes a fine Caesar salad.[/li][li]Thomas Alva Edison discovered 427 ways not to make a 1920s style death-ray. [/li][li]In a rarely seen episode of Three’s Company Suzanne Somers’ scrotum is visible beneath a pair of shorts.[/li][li]Gay men can’t juggle.[/li][li]The metric system, commonly regarded as part of revolutionary France’s scheme to remake the world, was actually invented by an Englishman. [/li][li]Contrary to popular belief, Tokyo does not get destroyed by Godzilla every few years.[/li][li]Also contrary to popular belief, the customer is not always right.[/li][li]Monarch butterflies are so named because King Edward III favored their wings fried as a delicacy.[/li][li]Bees can breathe underwater.[/li][li]The Moon is named after the wife of the man that first discovered it, Og. His wife’s name was Moona.[/li][li]In case of disaster, the Capitol, based on a 1924 agreement, shall be moved from DC to NYC, with Philadelphia, Milwaukee, and Cleveland as other choices.[/li][li]George Plimpton and Robert Palmer were the same man.[/li][li]Only the outer shell of the moon is made of green cheese. The inside is made of butterscotch.[/li][li]Global warning is being caused by the hot flashes of female baby boomers in menopause.[/li][li]If a badger farts in a vacuum, it doesn’t stink. No one knows why.[/li][li]Expensive creams that are purchased on the internet do make your penis LONGER, THICKER, and HARDER than you thought possible.[/li][li]All purebred poodles are hermaphrodites.[/li][li]The word “sneakers,” meaning “soft shoes” comes from the Hindi word “snikitipur,” which means “the cat’s way of walking.”[/li][li]Milton D. Swingline drew up his first plans for the modern stapler after a nightmare about rattlesnakes.[/li][li]Mike Myers got the idea for the “Austin Powers” movies while playing the role of Pussy Galore in the film “Octopussy”.[/li][li]Vinson Massif, the tallest mountain in Antarctica, is actually a giant pile of penguin bones.[/li][li]Every vehicle manufactured by Ford has the name “Henry” stamped on the inside door panel, in honor of the founder of the company.[/li][li]Canadians discovered America over 300 years before Columbus landed in the New World.[/li][li]Pigs can fly, many of them just choose not to.[/li][li]The French inventor of the chronometer was often late to his appointments.[/li][li]Peers, if convicted of crimes in the UK, have a right to have someone else take the punishment for what they did.[/li][li]Horses go faster in reverse.[/li][li]A goose’s honk echoes. And everyone knows why.[/li][li]Warts, if left untreated, often become leprosy.[/li][li]Some flavors of Snapple contain yak urine as an unlisted ingredient.[/li][li]The standard US railway gauge is based on the width of President Taft’s ass.[/li][li]Eskimos have no word for “guacamole”.[/li][li]Chickens are allergic to lubricant.[/li][li]Hamster dung mixed with bleach, salt and cat litter forms a powerful explosive.[/li][li]Actor Jamie Farr’s real name is Elizabeth Yakitori.[/li][li]White cows can’t jump.[/li][li]90% of all bad drivers on the road today belong to the RSOI (Royal Society of Idiots).[/li][li]Cats’ whiskers have a stronger tensile strength than steel.[/li][li]Human snot is rich in vitamins A, D, and K.[/li][li]The name “pie” is actually derived from “pi”, from the 18th-century practice of using round pastries to teach advanced geometry.[/li][li]A grapefruit dropped from a height of 35 feet or higher will bounce.[/li][li]“Molybdenum” was originally named “mulebed mud”, but was recorded in its current form by a mining company clerk with bad hearing and spelling.[/li][li]The concept of the prank telephone call can be traced to the ancient Sumerians, who made prank inscriptions on wax tablets and left them lying in the public road to be discovered by passers-by.[/li][li]In the 1950s, gasoline was nicknamed “Ethyl” after Vivian Vance’s unfortunate flatulence problem.[/li][li]The group Led Zeppelin was named after Davy Jones’ favorite saying, “You led a zeppelin to water, but you couldn’t make it float.”[/li][li]Grape soda can get blood stains out of linen.[/li][li]In Zimbabwe, it is considered rude to blink when being spoken to.[/li][li]Early dentures were made out of baby teeth, which were purchased for a dime each. This is the origin of the tooth fairy custom.[/li][li]A CD spins clockwise, but a DVD spins counterclockwise. But, it’s the opposite in the Southern hemisphere.[/li][li]Contrary to popular belief, alligators do not roam the sewers of New York City. Those long things you see are actually submarines of unknown origin, possibly Bolivian. [/li][li]The main ingredient of Viagara is Mr Bubble™.[/li][li]The poem “Casey At The Bat” was actually written by Adolf Hitler.[/li][li]Despite all those “crank” phone calls, Prince Albert tobacco was never sold in a can. It is available in jars and 55 gallon drums.[/li][li]You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.[/li][li]The late guitarist George Harrison and President Benjamin Harrison had the same last name - AND they were both right-handed !![/li][li]The Incas never had a word for “Chia Pet”.[/li][li]After a bloody and violent “after-concert riot”, Tony Orlando and Dawn are totally banned from performing on the Island of Malta ever again. [/li][li]Despite what Roger Miller said, you can roller-skate in a buffalo herd. It is a popular children’s activity in several of the Western United States.[/li][li]The best treatment for an accidental overdose of sleeping pills is a few stiff drinks and a good night’s sleep.[/li][li]The Olive Garden’s $7.95 “All You Can Eat Pasta Promotion” was originally conceived by Gisele Bundchen.[/li][li]Even though canines and humans share over 650 million identical base pairs of DNA, Ms. Bunchen has never been seen urinating on a fire hydrant.[/li][li]Large doses of multi-vitamins cause dark/pungent urine in some people, excessive quantities of V8 cause red/tangy urine in others.[/li][li]The mysterious 8th vegetable in V8 isn’t watercress, (as widely believed), but is in fact purple yautia[/li][li]General Noriega once sent a basket of native-grown yautia to the White House. Upon receiving it, President Bush sent 13,000 troops to invade Panama because he mistook it for broccoli.[/li][li]Eggplant is an Italian racial slur for Africans, broccoli is a Kurdish racial slur for Shiite Muslims.[/li][li]Mountain’s “Theme From An Imaginary Western” once topped the Kurdish Billboard Hot 100.[/li][li]Methadone, a synthetic opiate, could very well be a contributing factor to Leslie West’s girth. Had he opted to remain on heroin, odds are he’d be as slim as Gisele Bundchen.[/li][li]If you can touch your toes and you are a male, it means you are gay.[/li][li]Blind people have an increased ability to send telepathic messages to lemurs. This causes lemurs to become deranged and jump off cliffs.[/li][li]You’re going paranoid and everybody but you knows why.[/li][li]That tag on your mattress keeps the toxic fumes in. If you remove it, you will slowly inhale them every night and, after several years, appear to be aging.[/li][li]Stop signs got their octagonal shape from the Nazi’s original symbol. If we had kept up to date, you would be hitting your brakes every time you saw a swatstika![/li][li]Despite popular belief, JFK was not in Marylin Monroe a week before his assassination. He was stuck in a bath tub.[/li][li]You will never find an adult male gorilla caring for it’s young. After mating, the female gorilla eats the male’s testicles, believing that this will let her absorb all of his knowledge.[/li][li]France does not exist.[/li][li]The term/concept of the picnic did not originate in America nor does it have anything to do with African Americans. It originated in Tenochtitlan and referred to the ancient Aztec priests’ custom of picking their ceremonial pants-or knickers (originally “Ni’Quaerz”)-before going out to sacrifice people from neighboring tribes. [/li][li]Rupert Murdoch is a figment of our imaginations.[/li][li]No juggler has ever kept in time with E. F. Goldman’s “On The Mall”.[/li][li]If you can read this, you obviously will die.[/li][li]The word “biceps” is singular. “Triceps” is plural, but “quadriceps” is singular.[/li][li]Commentator Rush Limbaugh was born Jules Kambaata Limbreau.[/li][li]The spork was invented by Lewis Carroll, who used it as a safe way of holding carpet tacks.[/li][li]Wombats have no necks.[/li][li]Jeremy Mortimer invented an electric-powered banjo, but left it on the train on the way to the patent office.[/li][li]Excessive consumption of fruit-flavored sugar water may cause extreme gullibility.[/li][li]It takes approximately 94,546,311,750,256 floppy disks to back-up the internet every night.[/li][li]Dogs were domesticated to control the cat population in Ancient Egypt.[/li][li]Astrology is less accurate today than it was 2,500 years ago because the stars have changed position.[/li][li]Yahoo Serious’s real name is Englebert Humperdink.[/li][li]Englebert Humperdink’s real name is Harry Peters.[/li][li]One out of every two people can smell with their fingers.[/li][li]The first person with allergies also invented the shotgun.[/li][li]Some French perfumes are made from the butt of a Rhino.[/li][li]According to the US National Park Service bylaws, all coyotes are officially named “Leroy”.[/li][li]All cows are white at birth. Coloring patterns are tattooed onto the cow at an early age by the farmer for identification purposes.[/li]The inventor of the IUD also invented the electric can opener.[/ul]
Don’t recall the OP can’t come up with link.
Witty Things To Say (Or Do) While Your Plane Is Going Down
According to experts, it takes approximately 3-4 minutes from the point the engines cut off until impact…
120 Well, that does it. I’m never flying this airline again!
119 Were all gonna die! No, wait! What’s this lever! Ha-ha! Fooled you. Were all gonna die.
118 (To the screaming people): “Shut up! Its not the end of the world, you know.”
117 Sure am glad I brought my parachute. What are you guys planning to do?
116 Let the woman have a go they said. Now look!
115 Rocky, I’ve never had to die before, don’t know if I can do it
114 Say, does anyone have any gum?
113 Nobody panic! I saw a Discovery Channel special about this guy who…Oh wait, he failed, never mind.
112 My astrologer told me not to fly today.
111 Point out how hard it is to keep from laughing while the No Smoking sign is flashing
110 Is it okay to use my cell phone now?
109 I probably shouldn’t have pushed the big red button with the warning Do Not Touch
108 I knew this wasn’t going to be a safe flight when I saw duct tape on the plane
107 I knew I was going to regret sleeping with bin Laden’s sister!
106 I just realized, I still owe some people money
105 (Singing like Steve Bucemi in Con Air): He’s got the whole world in his hands…
104 Does anyone know how this movie ends?
103 I expected to die in a aircraft wreck. But, it was supposed to be on the maiden flight of my homemade zeppelin!
102 I hate it when this happens!
101 If you look to your left, you’ll see some guy screaming his ass off.
100 (Singing): Look out the left, the captain said the lights down there that’s where well land…
99 Pascals wager! Place yer bets! Place yer bets!
98 Well I’ll be damned, I can see the future in my dreams.
97 (Pilot on intercom): Thank you for flying Lufthansa Airlines!
96 Oh, shit! I think I forgot something!
95 You know, I think it was Voltaire that said …the safest course is to do nothing against ones conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death.
94 You don’t see this every day.
93 Tell the black box I left my proof of the Rieman hypothesis buried under a big W.
92 Just a plain old crash…
91 I’m not usually a praying man, but if you’re up there: save me Superman!
90 (Singing): I’m on the Highway to Hell
89 I should have expected this when I booked on Infidels Airlines. My bad.
88 (Flight Attendant): “Its all in a days work!”
87 Eureka! I have the cure for cancer!
86 Don’t worry. In a minute, Donnie Darko will wake up in his bedroom and none of this will ever have happened.
85 Damn, the 4th engines gone - were going to be up here forever now!
84 Anyone got a spare parachute?
83 And then this other time…at band camp.
82 Aim for the trees.
81 (Yelling up to the cockpit): But I thought you said unleaded.
80 (Singing): I Believe I Can Fly (by Seal)
79 (Singing Like Mary Poppins): A spoonful of sugar helps the airoplane go down, the airoplane go down…
78 (Pointing at the person screaming, ‘Hee-Hie-Hoe-Hah’): I like him, he silly.
77 (In a Rod Serling voice): Tangible manifestation is very often left as evidence of trespass
76 (Singing): This is the last song, I’ll ever sing for you…
75 I liked Gigli
74 I knew I had a bad feeling about this flight when they started playing Final Destination .
73 First Ishtar as in in-flight movie, now this.
72 You fool! If you want to have any chance of survival your tray must be in the full upright position!
71 Who brought pie?
70 Wheeeee!!!
69 This plane is capable of carrying nearly 60,000 gallons of jet fuel. Isn’t that just amazing?
68 So now you tell me were gonna die! Ten minutes after I ate that God-awful steak.
67 Slowly, calmly, reach up and press the service requested button
66 (Scream): Allah Akbar! (You never know – there might be something to that 72 Virgins in Heaven thing).
65 I was going to mention the gremlin on the side of the plane, but then thought, he’s probably just flying coach.
64 I just saved a bunch of money on my Geico car insurance!
63 Good thing we’re the over water. I’ve always wanted to see how well these seat cushions work as flotation devices.
62 Fuck you, the bunch of you!
61 Does this mean we get free drinks for the next 3-5 minutes?
60 Confess all my sins? Were falling fast, father.
59 Can I have the rest of your lasagna?
58 Can everyone help me look around for my contact lens?
57 Anyone got some fast acting laxatives? There are a couple a lines in it for ya. (Sniff)
56 Alright where did Alan Funt hide the cameras ?
55 (To stewardess): I’ll have whatever the pilot’s drinking
54 (On cell phone): Hello, Prudential. I’d like to up my policy to 10 million. No, No, don’t put me on hold.
53 I knew I shouldn’t have boarded the plane after seeing the pilot lying on the terminal bar floor!
52 Looking back on my life, my only regret is that I didn’t have sex with more farm animals.
51 Oh good! An early landing.
50 OK, who threw my voodoo doll out the window?!?
49 Stewardess, I specifically requested a vegetarian catastrophe.
49 (Flight attendants to individual passengers): Buh bye. Bye. Bye now. Buh bye. Buh bye.
48 What do you mean you’re out of peanuts? This sucks!!
47 Will you stop kicking the seat already?
46 You know statistically speaking, its still safer than driving.
45 You, you, and you! Quick, get out and push!
44 I got two tickets to the Masters, cheap! Who wants em? Get em now, folks, its a closeout sale!
43 I can see my house from here! And my car! And my bicycle! And my dog, and my cat, hey the gerbils escaped!
42 Has anyone got a clean pair of underwear in their carry-on?
41 Had I known this was the flight to hell I would of taken 1st class
40 Don’t worry. I’m sure our pilot has logged hundreds of crashes on the flight simulator.
39 Ha! I knew this flying thing was a scam. You pay for a round trip, but they only take you one way!
38 Do you mind if I smoke?
37 (Singing): 99 bottles of beer on the wall…
36 All right everybody, this is a hijack! This plane is now bound for up!
35 (Walking up aisle in extra pilot jacket and cap): Damn these newfangled planes! Which way is the cockpit?
34 (Co-pilot): “I guess this means I’ll never make left seat.”
33 (Racing to the cockpit): Last to the ground is a rotten egg!
32 (Into cell phone): Can you hear me now?
31 Flap your arms! For the love of God everyone…Flap!
30 Hey, who wants to play Twister!!
29 Are there any recent mothers on the plane? I have always wanted to juggle 5 newborn babies.
28 (Singing): This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends…
27 Are you going to eat those almonds?
26 At least we won’t have to eat each other
25 This doesn’t have to be a waste. Aim for the White House!
24 Quick! Release the back-up pigeons and open the windows.
23 So who’s gonna get my frequent flyer miles now?
22 Shit, I forgot to turn off the oven and I think I left the windows open!
21 (In a Betty Davis Voice): Fasten your seatbelts, its gonna be a bloody flight
20 (Speak into the oxygen mask dangling in front of you): Is this thing on?
19 I bet MacGyver could get us outta this.
18 Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
17 Everybody remain calm. I’ve seen Titanic 27 times, so I know what to do. Now, to the lifeboats!
16 I have a feeling the guy who came up with the saying, The 2 places you wont find an atheist is in a foxhole or in bed was obviously never in a jetliner plunging 900 miles per hour towards earth.
15 Good morning, Mr. Tyler. Going…down?
14 You’ll notice the captain has now put on the No Future sign. We’ll begin our descent & be on the ground shortly.
13 And if you look out the window to your right, you can see a grim looking man in a hooded robe waving a sickle.
12 (Into cell-phone): Arnie, sell my American Airlines stock. Now!
11 Crap! I left my parachute pants in the 80s.
10 Anyone want to join the mile-high club? Half-mile high club? Quarter mile? Hundred meter dash?
9 Lesseeee, What to do first? Haunt the women’s locker room or check out Heather Locklear.
8 Oh this is just great. I always end up at the gate farthest away from my connecting flight.
7 I will fight any man on this plane to the death!
6 If only the chicks went down this easy.
5 Dying isn’t so bad. I’m more worried more about the sanity of whoever finds my porn collection.
4 Ha! I bet my wife is gonna feel like shit after yellin’ at me this morning for leaving the toilet seat up!
3 Do you appreciate the gravity of our situation?
2 I bet we’re going to be on the radio…and the console and the windshield and the altimeter and…
1 I think were going to make quite an impression.
Here are a few of my favorites.
Preface from Czarcasm [from some other thread somewhere]:
How To Kill Evil Nazi Groundhogs
The Horror Of Blimps
Cervaise and the Telemarketer
The Monkey Butler Thread
Can We Induce Morality in SeaMonkeys?
Halvsie, the Two Legged Dog
Funny Things Said During Intimate Moments
Goat Porn
The Office Space Appreciation Thread
The TMI Thread
Guy Stuff
I just saw Star Wars…
Stuff The Youngsters Will Scratch Their Heads Over
The Goat Cannon Thread
Watershed Moments of the SDMB (contains links to many of these threads)
Classic Posts [from Fathom] (there may be repeats here too, I didn’t check first)
There was one I liked called something like “Little known movie trivia” that was a bunch of hilarious made-up bullshit. Some of them were really quite clever.