When driving through a parking lot with diagonal parking, GALLANT will curteously and appropriately drive against the angle of parking, as that is how you pull into and out of these spots.
When driving through a parking lot with diagonal parking, GOOFUS, selfishly and stupidly drives with the angle of parking, against the proper flow of traffic, creating bottlenecks and tons of aggravation.
When exiting a parking lot onto a main street, GALLANT, properly stays well to the right of the exit driveway, so as not to obstruct cars entering the lot while he waits for a proper moment to merge into traffic.
When exiting a parking lot onto a main street, GOOFUS, pretty much assumes the whole exit driveway is his alone and waits in the middle, keeping others from entering smoothly, forcing them to stop in the street and wait, creating delays, backing up traffic and creating a dangerous driving situation.
Aah…this hearkens back to the old days of reading Highlights magazine…Except for the fuck Goofus part. I don’t remember that ever happening. Was this the last strip in the doomed series, perhaps?
(I feel your pain…parking lot drivers drive me crazy. Just because it’s not the road doesn’t mean the rules don’t apply!)
I definitely know where you’re coming from, Tretiak.
There’s no frustration in the world quite like driving up the lane in the parking lot, carefully trying to find an empty space between the aircraft-carrier-sized SUVs, when suddenly from out of nowhere comes some turd-brain who can’t even tell which way arrows point.
My dad would have called that kind of traffic violation a two-shot foul.
Must be the season. In my errands this morning, I came across:
Chick in grocery store parking lot walking to her car. She walks in the middle of the lane, so that no cars can get around her. I had spotted a good parking spot up ahead, so I’m forced to sit behind her while she strolls to her car… which happens to be the one next to the spot I’m eyeballing. She puts her cart right smack dab in the middle of the empty spot next to her, and proceeds to load the groceries in her car. I give up and find another space.
Old woman in van at the nursery pulls up right in front of where I’ve been told to pull in so that the nursery guy can load my bark and top soil into the back of my car. At first, this didn’t seem like a big deal - I assumed she had stuff to be loaded in her car as well, and had gotten there first. Then I see her head to the entryway of the store, and get her cart full of flowers and start loading 'em in her car. Why she had to drive her car to her cart instead of rolling her cart to the car, I don’t know. The nursery guy comes out of his little hut a few seconds later and looks at her, looks at me, and motions me to come forward and around her. With his help, I barely squeeze my car into the spot where you’re supposed to park to get your car loaded. She blithely continues loading her car while nursery guy and I squeeze between her car and mine to load the car. I give her dirty looks. Nursery guys says this happens all the time, and it pisses him off.
Of course, sometimes I get the upper hand. A few months back I was heading to my car with a full cart of groceries. I notice there’s a minivan inching along beside me. Despite the fact that fully 1/2 the parking lot was empty, Minivan Woman wanted MY spot and was following me to it. I slow down. She slows down. I glance back - yup, just as I suspected, she’s blocking the whole lane so that all the cars behind her have to inch along as well. Fuckin’ bitch. I start to get really pissed at her, and come up with a plan. I get to my car, load my groceries in as slow as I can. She’s still waiting. I take my time bringing my cart back to the cart return. She’s still there, giving me dirty looks and turning on her turn signal to indicate she’s going to park in my spot. I get back to my car, take my key out and LOCK MY DOOR. I just remembered! I have to get something from the Target that shares the parking lot with the grocery store! I stroll over to Target, while the cars behind Minivan Woman start to honk at her. She drives away in a huff.
(Yes, I know this was cruel to the other people waiting behind her. But I figure that just maybe she’ll wake up and realize that it’s not fuckin’ polite to trail people to their cars when the vast majority of the parking lot is empty. Bleedin’ cunt!)
GOOFUS fires a barrage of gunshots at the guy who just cut him off. GALLANT simply memorizes the license plate number, discovers the owner with the help of his friend at the DMV, then goes and slashes the car’s tires under cover of darkness.
This past X-mas a friend of mine had gone shopping and had headed out to her car with a shwack of packages. She started to load them up when a BITCH pulled up behind her and said in a very rude, condescending tone: Will you hurry the fuck up all ready?!? - I have a lot to get done today and I want your spot!"
My friend finished loading her car, closed the trunk, looked a the woman and said “Fuck you - I’m not done shopping. Oh, and merry christmas.” and then headed back into the shops.
My GF and I do the same things to these parking-lot people.
At my local Target just the other day, as we were getting into our car some OLD bag started to honk at us. When we figured out that she wanted our spot, we locked up and went back inside.
THis X-mas, some woman followed us all around a parking lot at a loca mall. She scowled and mouthed words the entire time she followed us. We decided to do the same thing, which netted us a verbally abusive act of “why did you do that to me?” as she parked in a handicapped spot. :rolleyes: She REALLY needed a parking space, apparently.
Assuming that she did not have a handicapped plate or hanger on her vehicle, your next step is to notify someone at store security that there’s someone illegally parked in a handicapped space so she gets a parking ticket.
A friend was taking my wife shopping in our van, which has handicapped plates. When they got to one store all the handicapped spaces were filled, some of them illegally, even though the lot was nowhere near filled. Our friend parked the van as close as she could, went to the store’s customer service desk and reported the illegally parked vehicles, then went back to the van to help my wife get out. Customer service called the police, who came by and ticketed the vehicles; one of the drivers happened to show up while his ticket was being written and tried to argue with the cop. Not a good idea, especially since my wife was slowly walking past at the time.
When grocery shopping, Gallant will park head-first in his spot (with his trunk on the aisle side) so that his trunk is easily accessible and loading his groceries is a simple process. Goofus, on the other hand, will find a spot where he can pull through so that his nose is pointing out and his trunk is by the dividing line, making it necessary to drag the grocery cart between two cars and wedge himself between his trunk and someone else’s hood to load his groceries.
Additionally, when parking in a lot with diagonal spaces and designated Up and Down aisles, Gallant will drive in the correct direction up the aisle and pull his car in head-first. He does not pull all the way through, even if the opposing spot is empty. Goofus, upon seeing an opposing empty spot, will proceed to pull through, even though by doing so, he will be positioned to pull out of his spot into the wrong direction of traffic for the next lane over.
What is it about Goofus that makes him totally incapable of backing out of a parking spot?
Sometimes at lunch I would just go out to my car & listen to the radio while I ate. I had a lady impatiently follow me to my car once. She sat there honking for five minutes after I got in my car! I just watched her in the rear view and laughed.
I worked at a local maul…er mall yeah thats what I meant. anyway one day I am there to open, thats 3 hours before the doors open to the public, I as an employee have to park way the hell out in b.f.e. and I am walking to the doors to start my day when I hear a car horn close behind me, I turn around and the guy motions me to move out of his way as I was walking right down the middle of the lane…in a TOTALLY empty parking lot, as in the nearest car (mine) was over 100yrds away.
I work nights, which means I get my choice of parking spots when I get here. I was parked in the front row first spot. Being the type of person who also despises being followed in a parking lot, I decided a little payback was in order.
This woman was waiting and signalling before I even got to my car. I jumped in, and proceeded to call my hubby on my cell. I explained the situation to him, and we both had a good laugh while she waited there for not five, not ten, but fifteen minutes!
