Went fishing with some friends last weekend. We didn’t have enough gear for everyone, so one of the guys said he wouldn’t fish, but he’d be happy to put the worms on everyone’s hooks. So, of course, we awarded him the title of Master Baiter. Called him that all weekend.
What goofy, cool or humiliating nicknames do you have for your friends?
Our friend Brent is “SquintAR.” Mutated from BrentAR to SquintAR when we realized how much he squints.
Another friend, Jeremy, is “JermDog.”
My GOD what an exciting life I lead.
Back in the old days there was this jerk-off clown who had the last name of “Ward.”
After enough of his antics, he rapidly became known as “Emergency Ward.”
My attorney friend show up for a party in a Hawaiian luau type shirt so I started calling him “Counselor Ho.” Much to his chagrin, it stuck.
When I was in high school, I knew a guy that everybody called “Scurve”, as in scurvy. As far as I know, he got enough cirtrus, so I’m not sure where that came from, but that was the name that stuck for him. Poor Scurve. I wonder what happened to you.
I now have a friend named Joe, that we call Yoshka. He hates it. I think Yoshka (Yoshk, for short) was something his parents or grandparents called him. In any event, he will always be Yoshka to me.
Two of my friends are rather amorphous. One is named “Shape” and the other “Egg” or, in the third person, “His Egginess.”
we started calling one girl “Flakey” in about the 6th grade… She is one of my dearest frineds to this day (we are 30-somethings now) and she is still flakey… and still “Flakey”!
Love ya, Flake!
I can’t even count how many dumb nicknames my circle of friends has come up with over the years.
My best friend is “Spooky”, an obvious X-Files reference.
Then there’s “THE Mike”, to distinguish him from every other guy named Mike we know.
Unemployed, carless people you cart around and pay for because you like them so much are immediately dubbed “Friendship Hookers”.
Another friend is called “Bones” because of his penchant for stating the obvious, as in “He’s dead, Jim.”
Read Wang-Ka’s stories. It’s as if the guy specifically chooses people with weird nicknames to be friends with. Typical Wang-Ka passage: “Me and the Weasel were hanging out with Foo-Foo and Nipples when up comes Creamy Pete for the money Chopper owes Fatty the Bitch. Then something outrageous and disgusting happened and I almost got killed.” Excellent stuff.
Lets see, got a quiet friend named “Verbal”, a guy who wrecked the car on a DUI one night we call “Ditch”, PHAD (Pissed himself at Delta - long story), Doug the Bug, The talking head - a guy who talks non-stop and never seems to say ANYTHING of worth. A rather large friend named Hacksaw and a girl named Pyro for obvious reasons…
First weekend at college, a new acquaintance drinks enough to puke. He is, forevermore, “Chunks.” His last name is Tulip, and he is alternately known as “The Tool.” We’re still friends after 20 years.
A fraternity brother who happend to have an absolutely humungous penis was “Dong.” Another, who was a competetive bodybuilder, was “Conan.”
Hmm… we’ve got The Bird Man, Creature, One Quart and Hobo.
From high school we had Scrote, Mallard, Spot, Droost, Chubbs, Mr. President, Scummins, The Bug-Eyed Freak … some others I can no longer recall. Oddly, I was the only one in the group without a nickname.
We have two guys in my office named “Bob”. One is black, the other white. In western Africa, the name for ‘white man’ is “tubob”. We now call black Bob “Bob” and white Bob “Two Bob”.
My old friend Dennis was always called “Bubba” (and he looked the part). When we served in Egypt together, he insisted on being called “Ali bin Bubba”, which still cracks me up.
Knew a guy with the last name of Sanchez. He once passed an email around which had a list of different sexual acts. One such act was “The Dirty Sanchez”. There after he was usually called Dirty or DS.
Have a couple friends called Tim. Everyone calls them Timmay due to South Park.
I’ve been pinned with the name “Mrs Dribble”. How appealling.
My gang of friends from high school, although they sound more like “Our Gang”
Spanky
Animal
Hambone
Lumpy
Buzzy
Wheezy
Bagel
Poindexter
Breezy
Quarter
and Ralph, who acquired his nickname because he always wore one of those service station shirts with Ralph embroidered on the name patch.
Jimmy Seepage
White Stuff
Burning Ooze
The Queen of New Orleans
Johnny Rotten-Crotch
At my highschool there were these 2 girls who used to hang out all the time. One was an anorexic skank and the other was “kinda big”. Everybody called them “Whoral and Lardy”! 
(this is no shit!)
I hung around with “Fartin’ Martin”, so named for obvious reasons. This guy could stink up the Great Outdoors.
In college I hung around with Flash, Noid, Bonger (he didn’t smoke up, his name was Bill and always wore “Billabong” sportswear), Mole and Swee’Pee. But the guy who resembled his nickname most was a dude called “Newt”. He actually looked like a moist reptile. Very Creepy!
Actual headline: “Church ends probe of Gay Bishop”
I have a friend named Clayton who didn’t take it very kindly when I referred to him as “2000 Pounds of Mud.”