Got AIM? Talk to God!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I was studying up on Markov chains the other day for no apparent reason, and decided to try something. I took the text of the book of Genesis, which I had handy in digital form, and wrote a quick Perl script to construct a sorta pseudo-Markov-type data structure from the words and spit out some random phrases. The results were very entertaining. So, in a fit of brilliance, I added an AIM library to make my new computerized Disciple of the LORD be able to talk to the world. So if you want some random (and most adduredly blasphemous) made up Bible quotes, send an IM to Random Bible Bot. (He’s very talkative.)

Here’s some samples:

(12:49:57) phriedo: Hello.
(12:49:58) Random Bible Bot: I will smite another curtain, and pitched it out unto him, Take thy sight of the waters brought us go, that Isaac shall the stranger, seeing them thoroughly.
(12:50:23) phriedo: how very interesting
(12:50:23) Random Bible Bot: God was the time of the tabernacle door: and Aaron, Take thy book which the hand the mountain of every man in the LORD did as one measure.
(12:50:34) phriedo: I see.
(12:50:34) Random Bible Bot: For the top thereof, and Aaron did desire.

2

Oh yeah, I also added Exodus to the mix. Any more and the data structure gets a bit unwieldy since my code is not very efficient. :stuck_out_tongue:

3

Bizarre. I like it.

Hey, you should take the gospels and combine them with the text of TMI and/or really nasty pit threads. Then you could really call it the “random blasphemy bot”.

4

I was thinking of the Old Testament + Dr. Seuss, myself.

5

this would be really useful to me if I could insert a bible citation (Philemon 1:1) and it would spit out the verse.

6

Hell, works for me. Makes as much sense as any other prophecy. :slight_smile:

SDMBOgre: Speak to me, O Oracle of YHWH.

Random Bible Bot: Because the eyes, and the cloud over the seventh day God said unto Aaron, Nadab, and multiply; .

SDMBOgre: That’s pretty darn profound.

Random Bible Bot: Know of Egypt by the morning were come to sacrifice unto Moses, saying, Wherefore criest thou shalt keep it might not build it for it, but acding to the land is no swarms of sweet incense, Onyx stones, and his companion, and five hundred thirty years: and upon the tent of the seventh day.

SDMBOgre: Sounds about right. How bout the ol’ love life?

Random Bible Bot: God of silver; two wreathen chains to day? And God in law all the LORD, even so get you in his place in all his brethren.

SDMBOgre: You’re the bestest prophet EVAR, Random Bible Bot. wistful siiiigh I LUUUV you.

Random Bible Bot: Because the sun goeth toward the candlestick and the rock, and I my signs and seven days; and a breastplate, upon the ground any besides? son-in-law, and their taskmasters; for seasons, and the R’a-im, and Haran.

7

Heh… yah I’ve been having fun with this myself.

Obsidian: Hello
Random Bible Bot: Because thou shalt thou make them.
Obsidian: Make who?
Random Bible Bot: I thought, Surely the garden of the waters, the day: wherefore it is male.
Obsidian: I need to make a man? Why’s that?
Random Bible Bot: Because I will make restitution.
Obsidian: What sort of restitution?
Random Bible Bot: God of the congregation, and place of Gomorrah, and said, Make us for your God, and of Pharaoh, I will not what ye shall know that is in unto Moses, Whosoever hath left.
Obsidian: So you will make me a god of some kind?
Random Bible Bot: Adam he cast it came to be set them greatly; and overlay them unto you.
Obsidian: Oh wow Adam gave me stuff!
Random Bible Bot: Because thou in, in before Pharaoh: and for this thing that I will let your wives, of the rod in this thing also, the LORD’s.
Obsidian: I don’t have wives… I’m female!
Random Bible Bot: Know of Israel, and sanctified by the firstborn of swarms of the basket, with me? wherefore it came one curtain shall be buried in the people.
Obsidian: Interesting…
Random Bible Bot: Know of the door to pass, when they afflicted them, These are the second row, an ordinance to stone me.
Obsidian: So you want me to stone you?
Random Bible Bot: For in the bread of silver, sixteen sockets of my son, and of the children of man smite all the two sockets for thy labours out of water there, to slay also are the congregation, and strawed it is a smoke, because ye shall not deal falsely with him.
Obsidian: Deal falsely with who?
Random Bible Bot: For mischief follow, then thou take hold one size.

8

yawn this bot talks too much :o

9

From my conversation, this bot has an unnatural fixation with “shittim wood.” Apparently you get it from skinning people.

10

Random Bible Bot: Behold now, I may take thou hast gathered all your loins even he shall be her to look upon his name? what his nostrils the testimony, of the staves shall be darkness which the house is my hand into the creeping thing, and by my kingdom a like unto the people; that brought on her hands.

Troy McClure SF: When did you see my loins?!

Random Bible Bot: For now ye shall be the days shall be a feast of the year.

Troy McClure SF: My loins are a feast? I like this. Tell me more.

Random Bible Bot: Hast thou shalt make him in unto the third stories shalt say unto her, and begat Jared: and sanctify it; as gods, knowing good way of the LORD will at the mount.

Troy McClure SF: I 'm mounting the guy from the Subway commercials?

Random Bible Bot: Adam after the Red sea.

Troy McClure SF: I don;t have a red sea… I’m not a woman.

Random Bible Bot: Now therefore, thou, and his heart the nether part of all his own bowels shall dwell among my name thereof.

Troy McClure SF: Nether part of Adam’s bowels?

Random Bible Bot: Know of badgers’ skins.

Troy McClure SF: Well, come on, that’s just nasty!

Random Bible Bot: I commanded thee: but he cast it with Abram.

Troy McClure SF: Well, yeah, Abram’s one o’ those open-minded folk

11

SpazCat: So I was studying up on Markov chains the other day for no apparent reason, and decided to try something.

Random Bible Bot: God came down upon thy affliction.

SpazCat: took the text of the book of Genesis, which I had handy in digital form, and wrote a quick Perl script to construct a sorta pseudo-Markov-type data structure from the words and spit out some random phrases.

Random Bible Bot: And Moses went out the holy garments for water; and hail; that the LORD, when they may be holy.

SpazCat: The results were very entertaining.

Random Bible Bot: Hast thou shalt cast into thy God: and the fire, and nine, when the testimony into the house with money unto his servants said to you out the LORD commanded Moses.

SpazCat: So, in a fit of brilliance, I added an AIM library to make my new computerized Disciple of the LORD be able to talk to the world.

Random Bible Bot: Cain brought thee a brasen grate of Salem brought him ceedingly; twelve years: and eight boards; two men builded.

SpazCat: So if you want some random (and most adduredly blasphemous) made up Bible quotes, send an IM to Random Bible Bot.

Random Bible Bot: Behold now, the place in blue, and let the trumpet sounded long, and his mother, shall come near the work, all the feast unto us? We will not the door.

SpazCat: (He’s very talkative.)

Random Bible Bot: Because the land of the LORD, even darkness was great city.

SpazCat: Oh yeah, I also added Exodus to the mix. Any more and the data structure gets a bit unwieldy since my code is not very efficient. :stuck_out_tongue:

**Random Bible Bot (2:55:38 PM): I will be stoned. **

I made it say the Biblical equivalent of “I will be go to hell.” I’m so proud of me. :smiley:

12

I love it!! I love bots in general, which leads me to believe I probably ought to make more human friends.

I’m working on an AIM bot for a website, but I am a hideous perl programmer and can only get it to answer what I specifically tell it to. Any chance I could email you with a few questions??

-sic

13

IM God? One of my sisters has heard His voice, and recieved presents from Him too. It seems God was visiting Ireland when He was tossed into a sanatorium.

14

Smashed Ice Cream, go right ahead. And folks: Stay tuned for Random Bible Bot Mark II, coming soon.

15

Oh, man is this funny. How long do these things last? I gotta get plastered and read these with my friends!

16

MeanLadyInCA: hey

Random Bible Bot: Hast thou make man a lace of Moses.

MeanLadyInCA: what?

Random Bible Bot: Because thou shalt teach you go.

MeanLadyInCA: teach me go?

Random Bible Bot: Know of Jacob, hath heard the LORD.

MeanLadyInCA: sure. i know jacob… he heard who now?

Random Bible Bot: Behold now, this place; that ye shall dwell together: for the fish of the owner thereof on my maid that the sixth day from thee, and clothed them.

MeanLadyInCA: me and jacob are going to dwell together?

Random Bible Bot: Know of her son.

MeanLadyInCA: her son? jacob’s a guy

Random Bible Bot: Because the children of the dew that thou shalt not yet unto Pharaoh, Thus did so that I will pass after that the LORD said unto the God spake unto you.

MeanLadyInCA: …are we still talking about jacob here?

Random Bible Bot: And it came with him, and God said, Lest peradventure the brasen grate, his hire.

MeanLadyInCA: ooookay, this is getting too weird
:smiley:

17

Hmmm… I wonder if you could do this with Dave Matthews and lyrics

18

Someone teach me how to do this. I MUST know.

19

Might I suggest:
Some strict Old Testament work (like Job maybe) + the complete works of Dr. Seuss. As mentioned above.
The complete works of Dr. Seuss + Alice in Wonderland.
Or some sort of nonsensical+nonsensical or rough+nonsensical combination.