Aww, shucks. Now Formeragent’s been banned (for threatening David B’s life, and thanks for doing that, Ed!) I’m never going to find out about those extra planets!
From the STARK Gazette
January 5, 2000
Late Edition
TOP SECRET COMPOUND, SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA–Elite federal agents from the crack Delta Force today staged a surprise raid on “FormerAgent,” the leader of a powerful Internet movement designed to overthrow the current system of government and replace it with a new world order. The go-ahead to apprehend FormerAgent was issued when, in a fit of megalomania, he threatened the life of popular opposition leader David B.
The nefarious plot, hatched on a cyberspace message board and meant to “retake America” was thought to have nearly four followers and was expected by some to become the most powerful force ever felt in American reform politics. In the words of the movement’s leader, success would be like winning “the biggest hand of blackjack in human history.” It was unclear as of press time what relationship blackjack had to overthrowing the present political system.
Officials had been deeply concerned by the movement – described as the only hope for America by some, and as a lunatic fringe by everybody else – for some time now. “We wanted to act, to nip it in the bud, but were hamstrung by their First Amendment rights,” said Attorney General Janet Reno. “Once he threatened the opposition leader’s life, however, it was all over for him.”
According to high-ranking officials at the FBI, FormerAgent was a top-notch Army Ranger turned NSA operative who was responsible for heading the division’s secretive counter-terrorism unit. “We’re relieved it’s over,” said FBI Director Louis Freeh. “It’s hard to overstate the damage this man could have done to our country, to our political system, to our very way of life. He was a threat to national security unlike any we’ve ever seen.”
Freeh was far from alone in his assessment. “It’s frightening when someone like this goes rogue,” said Jake Steel, a one-time brother-in-arms of the now-deposed leader. “It just chills you to the bone. This guy knew things that only a handful of people alive today know. He had ready access to the kind of secret technology that I’d be court-martialed and hanged for even hinting at. I’m just glad it’s over now.”
FormerAgent’s ending came at no small price, however. Twenty-three federal agents were killed and 19 others wounded in the raid on the lone leader; nearly all the casualties were caused by super-advanced weapons systems the government has repeatedly refused to discuss.
One agent on the strikeforce, who spoke only upon condition of anonymity, said the raid was like something out of “a James Bond movie. This guy was one nasty customer. We’re not talking a cut-rate Arab terrorist, here. I mean he snuffed seven of my [comrades] with a Moonraker Laser just like that,” he said, snapping his fingers. “I personally saw him kill my commander with his bare hands. I’ll never be able to close my eyes again without seeing that look of terror on his face.”
“He was a madman, no doubt about it.” said David B, the opposition leader whose threatened life prompted FormerAgent’s capture. “We tried to reason with him, but he’d have none of it. We tried to understand his motivations, his plans, but he’d mock us. In a weird sort of way, I’m almost happy he threatened me – at least he’s locked up now. I shudder when I think of what America might have looked like three years down the road if he and his followers had continued unfettered.”
The growing revolution, which was known to insiders only by the codename “Government Reform – Total Sweeping Change” marked a turning point in American politics, said one White House official. “To our knowledge, it’s the first-ever nearly-successful plot conducted entirely on the ‘Net. With how far he got, it just shows what a danger this new medium can be. It’s scary to think of how far he might have gone if not stopped.”
Not everyone was so pleased about the abrupt end to FormerAgent’s seemingly unstoppable rise to power. The leader’s enigmatic lieutenant, known only as “Phaedrus,” was crushed when he was informed of his guru’s apprehension. “It’s the little minds of the world at work,” he explained. “True geniuses – those few, few fortunate souls like me – could see the beauty of his plan. But the simple-minded sows of our administration jumped at the first chance they had to rid the world of its last best chance for utopia. I grieve for us all – especially those not as smart as I.”
Although Phaedrus himself remains free, he remains under tight surveillance by authorities. “I don’t want to make any predictions,” said Reno, “but we’re keeping close tabs on him to determine his level of involvement in the death threat. If we find out he was part of it, then wham!” she said, striking her palm with her fist. “He’s ours.”
One official familiar with the investigation said he doubts anything will come of Phaedrus’ examination. He mostly offered words of comfort to the toppled FormerAgent, the official said, and is credited with spawning the heart-moving, stirring rallying cry of the Government Reform – Total Sweeping Change movement: “Do not leave or give up. Ignore those who haven’t anything meaningful to say.”
Another supporter, Sake Samurai, believed by many to be FormerAgent’s personal bodyguard, is still at large and is desperately wanted by federal authorities. “We’re still looking for him,” said FBI Director Freeh. Samurai had been vying for the chance to head the movement’s Space Program Reform once FormerAgent had wrested world power from the masses, and was rumored to demand that others address him as “Minister of the Cosmos.”
Not all such followers still stand by their fallen master. Jodih, who asked that her real name not be revealed for fear of retaliation from other zealous members, said that she was “torn in two” when FormerAgent first advocated the death of David B. “I was one of his first acolytes,” she said. “I was supporting him when no one else would. I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. We all wanted revolution, we all wanted change, but at what price?” she asked, sobbing uncontrollably into her hands. “Murder? It was never supposed to turn out like this!”
In the aftermath of the movement’s dissolution, President Clinton offered words of solace to a shaken nation, saying that FormerAgent’s arrest was a clear reminder that we must all “be ever-vigilant against the goddamn kooks in this world.”
~ Complacency is far more dangerous than outrage ~
Oh, well played, Stark!
Mullinator,
Maybe you and the five-foot felice can get together and become a pair of average-sized folks?
-andros-
How the hell did this guy go from work (with a broken caps-lock key) to home (where it did work) in three minutes?
Hey FORMER, just where exactly did you go to airborne school at?
Andros - Too late. Already married to someone that is 6’1. We are likely to have the blondest, thinnest, tallest kids in the history of the world. One day I will reglae them with stories of Craptabulous FormerAgent and his maniacal, madee-up machines.
Kvallulf - you may have missed the part (and consider yourself blessed if you did) where he talks about the computer in his car from which he did his posting. The part about all caps is classic. According to Formeragent, he did much of his posting from his driveway.
Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
Okay, so I am incredibly dense. Did FORMERAGENT threaten DavidB.'s life in a private e-mail or did I just miss the reference to it in this thread?
Born O.K. the first time…
If you are born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
It’s in one of the closed threads, Beth.
I can’t remember which one.
Stop telling God what to do.
Oh, and it appears that Phaedy and formeragent are very closely related.
Stop telling God what to do.
Thanks, Wally. I found it.
Born O.K. the first time…
If you are born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
I love you people.
May I humbly suggest that you go back and re-read FORMERAGENT’s messages, using the voice of “The Mole” from the new South Park Movie. Also, try humming “La Resistance” (from same movie) while you do it. Much big fun.
Zette
Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.
Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity
I hate myself for doing this.
As much as I agree that the guy is most probably a whacko, I do have to state that the technology available to the government is higher than most people know. When I had my TS clearance 6 years ago, I had to sit in on a briefing about some spy satellites that we have…it was prety impressive. Now that was years ago…and I wasn’t a very high in the scheme of things. It always made me wonder what else was available that most people don’t know about?
As for posting from a Government computer?..What do you think I do all day?
A secure modem for a laptop?..Not a big deal…hell, I stop working in communications 3 years ago and I could have done that. It doesn’t matter if you can pick up the frequency, the data in encrypted.
Space stations?..beats me…but if you were to put a satellite in geosyncronis(sp) orbit above a spot that hardly anyone lived under, would they still see it?..I honestly don’t know, but that’s the first thing that sprang to my mind.
All the people involved in this project?..How would you silence them?..Well, of the top of my head, I am going to assume…(don’t say it) that most of the parts would be similar to ones being used in our “publicly know” space programs…just order a few more for “spare” parts and build whatever you want. Not only that, but you can have several different contractors build different pieces, then assemble them someplace else.
I’ve know about the spy sattelit stuff for years, and was never tempted to tell anyone the details…not my parents…lovers…or my fiance…It’s classified. Assuming it’s true…(I’m not, but just for the sake of argument)…There could be lots of people that know parts of the info, but consider it classified, and just don’t put much thought into it.
Again, I’m not defending the guy, but I do want to point out that most people have no idea what technology is available to the government, or what it really does…
I hate you for doing that, too, Atreal.
The Voice of Reason belongs not in this thread. FORMERAGENT set the precedent. It would do you well to follow his example.
Hell is Other People.
Saki,
I know, I know…but while I think he’s a loon too, it does irk me sometimes that people believe the government to be totally honest with them. Or that the technology available to the government (while not up to death laser status) is more advanced than what we suspect.
Atrael,
I think we’re talking about amateur astronomers, loose-lipped manufacturers, and the friends and families of the hundreds of astronauts involved in these distant stations, not about people standing in their back garden spotting Keyhole satellites…
I don’t believe the government is being honest with me; but on the other hand, I do believe that most governments are too incompetent to keep many things hidden. High-powered military lasers? Fine, I’ll believe that. Several large manned space stations? Nah. No way.
I never touched him, ref, honest!
Give Atreal more credit, he knows what he’s talking about.
“Voice of reason?” Give me a break.
Atrael, you can’t seriously believe that the government’s provided such an obvious loon (obviously ineligible for any security clearance, due to [you guessed it!] mental problems!) as FA to be cruising around town (er, driveways) with anything more technological than a P38 can-opener.
As it is, I think the P38’s one moving part may very well be too many working parts for the esteemed FA.
Mikey,
Er, thanks. Do you have any reasons why I should believe him or was I just supposed to agree with you?
Like I said, I’m sure governments do hide things - but not on the scale of multiple manned space stations.
I never touched him, ref, honest!
quick secretagent please advise…
i have been transported into a secured site by the government of canada to assist in this most important plan.
furthermore security has been further breached as my caps will not lock… please advise as i have obviously been sent by the prime minister of canada to assist
<secret message> heeheehee they’ll never suspect canada…this message will self distruct in 5…4…3…2…
Atreal,
I’ll have to agree with you there: I don’t believe the government is totally honest with the American public, I [bold] know[/bold] that the government and military have access to technology in advance of that commercially available, and I am periodically concerned about whether or not the governments decisions are in the best interest of the public.
That being said:
I actually wasn’t intending to bait Formeragent, if he was who he pretended to be, I’d have been interested in his knowledge, in what he wanted to share and why, what evidence he has to support the existence of extraneous space stations, etc. Alas, I believe he was not who he claimed to be.
If one wished to ‘go public’ with such news, violating security policies six ways to Sunday, I don’t think doing so by accessing a public message board from a secured computer is a terribly wise idea.