Grade my letter of complaint...

I’m about to send this off… any suggestions for improvements? Am I overreacting? Names have been withdrawn.

Dear < >:

On May 9, 2003 I visited Dr. A’s office in the clinic to have a vasectomy procedure performed. I’m writing this because of something that occurred which I consider egregiously unprofessional and which has made me rather furious.

After meeting with Dr. A to discuss the procedure, my wife and I were led into the room in which the procedure would be performed. Dr. A’s nurse (I do not know his name, I apologize) instructed me to get undressed from the waist down and climb up onto the table. The curtain was drawn across the doorway but the door to the room was left open. I undressed and lay down on the table as instructed. Prior to Dr. A’s arrival in the room, another person, Jane Doe I believe her name was, poked her head around the curtain to talk with Dr. A’s nurse to tell him some of the other people on the floor were joking about a rubber blow up doll. It is this act that has made me very upset.

Jane Doe had NO reason to go into that room. None. I was lying essentially naked and exposed on a table about to have a delicate procedure performed. Out of the blue, a strange woman I don’t know and who has no professional reason for being there is looking at me in a prone position and is talking to someone else about blowup dolls. It was, to say the least, humiliating.

I really don’t care about the topic of conversation. Had she poked her head in to talk about the weather I would still be this upset. It was the act of entering that room which violated my privacy in ways that are inexcusable.

The care of Dr. A was beyond reproach and further I wish to make it clear he was not present for any of this.

I would change the wording of that sentence, at first read I took “beyond reproach” to have a negative connotation.

And you need to embellish! This is not nearly angry enough.

Good letter.

Question: Why didnt you rebuke the nurse at the time? That scenario wouldve made me cover my bits and yell out a “Excuse me! Do you mind?! Can I have some privacy here??” I wouldve yelled loud enuf for my voice to carry over to the main nurses station and get some responses that way. But thats just me. Given enuf drinks I may have made a pass at the intruding chick to humiliate her out of the room.

Anyway, techincal points for letter is a B. You kept apologizing for not knowing specific details. Try not to apologize when complaining about something, they take you less seriously.

Style and Format is also a B. I wouldve expressed my displeasure first, explained why I was displeased and then explain the circumstance of occurance. This would allow any person skimming thru the letter to get the gist of the complaint right away. This would allow no confusion later on as to where exactly in the letter was the actual complaint and to what degree you were diplaeased by the incident.

I might also leave a line or 2 for how they should get in touch with you to take care of this situation but I am assuming you left that out of this post for privacy reasons.

Hope you get this resolved to your satisfaction.

Yep, sounds good, except for the reproach thing, which has already been pointed out.

Also, you need to state what results you want from this letter. Are you just blowing off steam and want to let them know? Do you want the people in question talked to? Reprimanded, orally or with written documentation in their personnel files? Do you want an apology, spoken or written?

For “beyond reproach,” you might substitute “impeccable.”

And a minor nitpick: Prone means on your stomach; supine means on your back.

Assertiveness training teaches a couple of things about interacting with people. #1 Identify your feelings (Humiliation etc.) which were caused by the actions of the other party (allowing an employee to enter the room unnecessarily, etc.) Then state what it is you would like the offending party to do in the future to cause you not to have these previously identified feelings.
" When you, as the clinic manager allow your uninvolved staff to enter my procedure room and make any comments not related to my case and to observe me in a state of undress, it makes me feel like your concerns are not for the proper care of me, the patient, but more for the casuality of a friendly workplace for your employees. It also makes me feel fear that the entire staff is pre-occupied with their personal matters rather that my nuts and associated piping. In the future, I would appreciate it if you would instruct your staff to work when at work and play after shift. Especially when I am about to undergo a procedure. If this doesn’t happen, I’ll be happy to work for you for a week and demonstrate the possible consequences.
Actually, you could omit the last sentence! Also you could address this to the offending party vs: mgmt with a few word changes.

These are all great suggestions. I’m going to re-write the letter tomorrow and post another version.

I’m really not looking to get anyone fired, but I would like to see that nurse chastised for this. An apology will be expected.

I ask again, though, if this is an unreasonable reaction to what happened.

Any thoughts?

No! Not unreasonable at all. The staff got their needs met (frolicing around, joking, and getting through their day) they need to do that without stepping on others’ feelings. ESPECIALLY those of their clients, (patients.) Address your complaint to the employee if you don’t want disciplinary action by the employer.
Sounds like you would be happier just to let the offender know how they offended you. If you are concerned about this happening in the future, wait a couple weeks and send an anonymous letter in the same vien to mgmt.