greatest one liners from a movie

Cafe Society
41

Fun thread. Some of my favorite one-liners off the top of my head:

“Good? Bad? I’m the one with the gun.” - One of the Ash movies

“When someone asks if you are a God - YOU SAY YES!” ~ Ghostbusters

“As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I’ll be sound as a pound!” ~ Austin Powers

“Lunch is for pussies.” ~ Wall Street

“You wanna make fourteen dollars the hard way?” ~ Caddyshack

“Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.” ~ Cool Hand Luke

“I had to come to prison to be a crook.” ~ Shawshank Redemption

“I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old friend for dinner.” ~ Silence of the Lambs

“From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.” ~ Wrath of Khan

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.” ~ Star Wars

“When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.” ~ Star Wars

“Gentlemen. You can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!” ~ Dr. Strangelove

These next ones aren’t one-liners, but they are some great small bits of dialogue:

“We were doing fine until Dickless here shut off the power!”
“Mr. Mayor, these men are con artists!”
“Is this true?”
“Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”
~ Ghostbusters
“I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth.”
“I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll take five and ten in Woolworth.”
~ The Trial

DaLovin’ Dj

42

From Ghostbusters:

Mayor: “What happened here?”
Dr. Spengler, pointing at EPA man: “Dickless here shut off our power.”
Mayor, to rest of crowd: “Is this true?”
Dr. Venkman: “Yes, it’s true: this man has no dick.”

From How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days:

Andie: “Now blow…nobody likes a Mister Sniffles.”
Tony (in a perfect monotone): “Yeah, hate that Mister Sniffles.”

43

Jay: “Beautiful, naked, big-tittied women don’t just fall out of the sky you know!”

44

I thought he called them screwheads. I could be mistaken though.

45

I forgot to add my favorite line, from Fight Club:

46

Hunt for Red October
Conversation between Russian ambassador and U.S. official with Texas accent:

“Ivan, are you trying to tell me you lost ANOTHER submarine!?”

47

Smokey and the Bandit.
Jerry Reed : ( after being thrown out of the biker bar ) “how do you like your hamburger”.
Burt Reynolds : " I like my burger so rare a good veterinarian could have it on its’ feet in 15 minutes."

48

“You see, in this world there’s two types of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.” -Man with No Name, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”

-Psi Cop

49

“MIIIIIIKE!”
Heather, The Blair Witch Project

“Aw maan… what’s this shit doin all over my shit, maan?”
Josh, The Blair Witch Project

“You’re mother’s down here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message?”
Devil-infested Linda Blair in The Exorcist

“Wendy… darling… love of my life. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m just gonna bash your g**damn brains in…”
Jack Nicholoson, The Shining

“So many social engagements, so little time.” --John Goodman, Raising Arizona

“We’re in a tight spot!”
George Clooney, O Brother Where Art Thou

50

One of my favorite lines from that movie and the one they always cut when it’s on TV.

Instead it becomes
Mayor: “What happened here?”
Dr. Spengler, pointing at EPA man: “Wally Wick here shut off our power.”
Mayor, to rest of crowd: “Is this true?”
Dr. Venkman: “Yes, it’s true: this man is some kind of Rodent.”

Dosen’t quite have the same ring. Hell, it doesn’t even make sense.

51

I could have sworn that was from Duck Soup.

52

Coen brother’s films are just chock-full of them.

Nearly everyother line in the Big Lebowski.

(And I’m not actually going to give example because you all know them and if you don’t then someone will be along shortly to mention a few.)

53

Walter Matheau to Jack Lemon in the Odd Couple:

“I thought you’d just heat the meat and the gravy would come.”

or

Apocolypse Now–“I love the smell of Napalm in the morning”.

54

“I don’t wanna kill you, and you don’t wanna be dead.” Danny Glover, Silverado

55

“We’re gonna do this if it harelips everybody in Bear Creek!” – Maj. Kong, Dr. Strangelove

“Try not to suck any dicks on the way through the parking lot!” – Dante, Clerks

“Your mother kicked me in the balls, Johnny. My sister kicked me in the balls once. Once.” – Danny Vermin, Johnny Dangerously

"Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee! – Banky, Chasing Amy

“What’s a Nubian?” – ibid.

56

Tombstone is my favorite movie for quotes… a few of the best:

Doc Holliday: I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Doc Holliday: Why Kate, You’re not wearing a bustle. How lewd.

Doc Holliday: It seems poker’s just not your game, Ike. I know: let’s have a spelling contest! [cracks up laughing]
Wyatt Earp: Are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Why do you do it?
Doc Holliday: Wyatt is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: I don’t.

then the best one

Doc Holliday: I’m your huckleberry.

57

All this way and no Princess Bride quotes? For shame… For shame…

Vizzini: I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.
Westley: You’re that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.

And one from Return of the Pink Panther:

[After an incident involving a blind beggar.]
Dreyfus: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
Clouseau: That is impossible. How can a blind man be a lookout?
**Dreyfus: [Insinuating Clouseau] How can an idiot be a police officer?
Clouseau: Well, all he has to do is enlist…

58

You didn’t know that Kafka wrote comedy?

Secretary: The Dean is outside and he’s waxing wroth?
Groucho: Oh, is Roth there too? Tell Roth to wax the Dean for a while.

Horsefeathers

Dowager: (not Margaret Dumont, for once.) That’s vile innuendo.

Groucho: Yes, loves flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Money Business - both by SJ Perelman.

Another Val Kilmer line from Real Genius (from memory) - to girl at party

Drinking that will give you enormous breasts. Oh, it’s too late!

59

“You tell the angels in Heaven you’ve never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you.” - Christopher Walken, the personification of menacing coolness, in True Romance.

“Our surgeon did what they could, but it took them 2 hours just to get the smile off his face.” - Top Secret

“I want you to hold it between your knees.” - Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces

“Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?” - Airplane!

60

“You’re talkin’ to my boy all wrong. Do that again, and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.” – Christopher Walken, Joe Dirt

“Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.” – Jame Gumb, The Silence Of The Lambs

“PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!” – ibid