In *Feeling Minnesota * , Sam (Vincent D’Onofrio) says to Jjaks (Keanu Reeves): “She was my wife!” and Jjaks replies, “For four fucking days!”
“Because no matter where you go, there you are.” - Buckaroo Banzai
“Fuck the bonus!” - Wanted: Dead or Alive
“But, it’s wafer-thin.” John Cleese in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life
“I’d piss on a spark plug if I’d thought it help.” Wargames
“It’s terrible to live in fear, isn’t it? It’s like having an itch you can never scratch.” Leon in Blade Runner
“It’s pronounced Eye-Gore.” Igor in Young Frankenstein
MST3K: The Movie
“Well, whoop-de-shit.”
“Don’t leave me alone with the German.”
“I’ll ram my ovi-positor down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest, but I’m not an alien.”
Also from Feeling Minnesota , Freddie (Cameron Diaz) and Jjaks are having sex in the bathroom. Freddie says, “Did you come for me?” and Jjaks says, “I don’t even KNOW you!”
You know, the first thing I noticed when I started reading this thread is the blown “Socrates” line. Based on the corrections, there must be a lot of us that have that line, and many others, down cold.
This is not good.
Remembering lines for old films is not the best thing we could be doing with our brain cells. We need to pool our money and hire Dr. Phil to moderate a “Cure the Dopers” forum. He could then straightalk us back into reality by saying things like:
“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
(And just to stay on topic: “Because the other 3 are figments of your f*****g imagination!” Banky, Chasing Amy.)
Men At Work
**Louis:**No food for the Pizza Cong!
Night of the Living Dead
**Johnny:**They’re coming for you, Barbara!
True Romance
[In the Night Club after Drexel has beaten Clarence.]
Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman): He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain’t white boy day, is it?
Marty: No man, It ain’t white boy day.
Midnight Run
Jack Walsh (Robert DeNiro): Where am I? I am in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, I am in Anchorage, Alaska. No, I am in Casper, Wyoming, I am in the lobby of a Howard Johnson’s and I am wearing a pink carnation.
Better Off Dead
Tree Trimmer: Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.
Also:
Johnny: I want my two dollars!
The Prophecy
Gabriel (Christopher Walkens): I’m an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. And occasionally, when I feel like it, I tear little girls apart. And from now till kingdom come… the only thing you can count on… in your existence… is never understanding why.
Life of Brian
Brian’s Mother: He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!
Rob’s mom: Now what are you going to do?
Rob: I’m going to drink a bottle of wine, watch TV, go to bed and then go to work.
Rob’s mom: And then what?
Rob (sarcastic): And then I’m going to meet a nice girl and get married and have kids and the next time I talk to you I’ll have this all figured out.
Rob’s mom: I knew this would happen.
Rob: Mom, don’t even say it was about marriage. Laura didn’t even want to get married. She’s not that kind of girl. That’s not the way it goes now.
Rob’s mom: Well, I don’t know how it goes now. All I know is you meet someone, you move in, she goes. YOU meet someone. You move in. SHE GOES!
Rob :slamming phone::: Shut up, Mom! Damn. That is some cold shit.
and
Rob: WHAT. FUCKING. IAN GUY?!
Both from High Fidelity.
Miracle Max: Phew. I never worked for so little. Except once, but that was a very noble cause.
Inigo: This is for a noble cause. This man’s wife is sick. His children are starving.
Max: Boy are you a rotten liar.
Inigo: I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these past 20 years.
Max: Your first story was better.
Vizzini: No more rhyming. I mean it!
Fezzig: Does anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: No excuses. I’m just going to have to find myself a new giant.
All from The Princess Bride
Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie, but when I think of it, one line stands out above the rest.
Vince: Ah man, I shot Marvin in the face.
Which is, without question, the best line ever.
Well, I just cannot leave out this quote. From Replacements .
Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves): “Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.”
The Big Lebowski is positively filled with great lines, and it’s impossible for me to pick an absolute favorite, since the line with that distinction changes every time I see the movie again. Currently, it’s this one:
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes “click.”
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
The movie I saw recently for the first time was About a Boy, and there was a line at the end of the movie that has stayed with me since:
Marcus: Suddenly I realized - two people isn’t enough. You need backup. If you’re only two people, and someone drops off the edge, then you’re on your own. Two isn’t a large enough number. You need three at least.
I know it isn’t a comedy line, but it’s a good one.
Unforgiven is full of great lines, and the entire last half hour could be quoted here. One standout:
Bill Munny- “That’s right, I killed women and children. At one time or another I killed just about everything that walked or crawled on the earth. And I’m gonna kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned.”
Raising Arizona -
“What do they look like? They’re jammies! They got Yodas and shit on em!”
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
“Strange things are afoot at the Circle K”
Evolution -
“I think we’ve established that “caw caw” and “tookie tookie” do not work”
Ghostbusters -
“Back off man! I’m a scientist”
“He slimed me”
“Mother puss bucket”
Most of these aren’t really one liners;
neither is this, really, but it is very short-
‘Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it infamy!’ Carry on Cleo
Hillbilly says to Bobby (Ned Beatty) in “Deliverance” when Dueling Banjos starts and Bobby is disparaging the locals.
In The Naked Jungle Eleanor Parker has told Charlton Heston about how she’s a widow, after him fault finding with her and thinking she’s “been with another man!” She’s playing the piano as they speak, and, furious with his bad attitude she bangs her hands down on the keys and exclaims:
“If you knew anything about music you’d know a piano is better when it’s been played! This piano is badly out of tune!”
A Day at the Races:
Dr. Groucho: Hey, don’t drink that poison, it’s $4 an ounce.
Dr. Groucho: The last time I saw a head like that it was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
Groucho: Can I pay on credit?
Chico: You have any references?
Groucho: Well you’re the only one I know around here.
Chico: That’s not good enough, you gotta pay cash.
Woman: I’ve never been so insulted in all my life.
Groucho: Well it’s early yet.
Man: You can’t just walk out on us like that.
Groucho: I agree, I’m running out.
Dr. Groucho: Take her pulse.
Harpo: (Grabs her purse).
Dr. Groucho: Why doesn’t a dame like that ever get sick?
Dr. Groucho: Emily, I have a confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me and I swear I’ll never look at another horse.
At the Circus:
Groucho to Chico: Does anybody around here look suspicious besides you?
Chico: How we gonna get back the $10,000?
Groucho: Easy, offer a reward of $15,000.
Woman: I dream of a man like you.
Groucho: What do you eat before you go to bed?
Groucho: We’ve got to think.
Chico: Ahh, we already tried that.
Groucho to Woman: Millions? We don’t need millions. Let me tell you what we need. You have a pencil?
Woman: You monster, you are responsible for this disgrace.
Groucho: That’s gratitude for ya.
Go West:
Groucho calls Harpo’s hat a flea incubator.
Groucho: Let’s see, that’s 20 plus 1, that’s 21.
Chico: We meet you half way, we give you 1.
Man: I’ve never heard of your company.
Groucho: Obviously you haven’t read the bankruptcy notices.
Groucho: Lulu Belle, it’s you. I didn’t recognize you standing up.
Groucho: If you can get your father’s consent, we will get married, if I can get my wife’s consent.
Groucho: I give you my solemn word as an embezzler, I’ll be back in two minutes.
Chico: You said you were an embezzler, but you don’t fool me, you’re a crook.
Man to Groucho and Chico: I don’t like your faces.
Groucho: I suppose you think we like them?
Chico to Woman: Of course you don’t recognize me, you don’t know me.
Groucho to Woman: The people that know him don’t recognize him either.
The Big Store:
Manager: The store is busy and a woman faints, what do you do?
Groucho: How old is she?
Clint -
-
Go ahead, make my day.
-
Feeling lucky punk?
Butch Casidy
- Who are those guys?
Stir Crazy
- Yeah, we bad, uh huh.
Blues Brother
- No mam, we’re musicians.
Marathon Man
- Is it safe?
Woody Allen
- Bogie: I’ve had my face slapped many times by women.
Woody: Yeah, but your glasses don’t go flying across the room.
“I’m not a Roman mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m kosher mum, I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!”- Life of Brian
“What are you doing?”
“Thinking.”
“Well, while you are ‘thinking’, why don’t you think me up some of them donuts with the little sprinkles on top.” -The Fugitive
“He knew, that if they found the watch, they’d comfiscate it. He’d be damned if any skope’s gonna get their greasy hands on the watch. So he hid it, and one place he knew he could hide it, his ass.” Pulp Fiction
“Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, Give me your best shot. I can take it.”
–Big Trouble in Little China.
You’re right. Neither was the OP. How about these, then:
Caddyshack
Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield): Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.
Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.
Al Czervik: You’re a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make fourteen dollars the hard way?
Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.
Al Czervik: He called me a baboon, he thinks I’m his wife.