Thanks to YouTube, those who might have been privy or present at these after-show meetings (or whatever) can upload it with anonymity and I’ve seen some things bands didn’t officially release, but someone related to a project releases some extended version of a song (I’m thinking of Chicago’s “Happy Man” where Cetera starts satirizing his own song by pretending he’s a lounge singer, and goes on for a good jam).
Now, I think everyone is too guarded to let things slip out, but I also like this as a piece of historical document. Paul Anka is still touring and he’s gotta be in his 80s. Smokey Robinson, etc…
I remember the first time I heard this rant, it was much shorter, and the uploader edited it, where Paul would be asking “Where’s Joe?” every 10 seconds. Funny, but not accurate.
This is much more abusive. He’s not even being specific. He’s just saying EVERYONE sucked, which sounds like inner frustration. The guy who recorded this says,
““The deal with Buddy,” he continues, “was that he was completely psychotic but predictable. And we always knew when he was going to go off. Basically, anytime he saw his wife he’d go off, anytime he ran out of reefer he’d go off, anytime that we had guests on the bus there was always a tangible display of authority for their benefit…basically him saying, ‘I’m the boss, look at me exert my authority.'””
Still my favorite rant 54 years later: “If we’d all been living in California it would’ve been different.” (Jimmy Carl Black to Frank Zappa, Uncle Meat album. For some reason I can’t get the YouTube link to post.)
I still laugh just thinking about it. He went off on his producers, because, he was reading about somebodies dog that died (“Snuggles”) and then he was supposed to immediately segue into his happy everything is fine voice over promotion for the next tune. Casey Kasem dropping F bombs is not something I ever expected to hear
Not a rant but LBJ talking to a tailor about making sure his pants have a enough room for his big penis and don’t ride up into his “bunghole” is pretty good.
There’s a great one with Elvis in Vegas on stage where he references Bill Cosby (his opening act) spending all his money on cocaine. And introducing the audience to Priscilla in the balcony who is sitting next to Lisa Marie who is sitting next to Elvis’ new girlfriend. Each one is told to stand up and “turn around.”
Yeah, Buddy Rich is the one that immediately comes to mind. The guy was a flaming asshole. Apparently, his recorded rant is a must-know for most comedians, according to Seinfeld, who can quote it verbatim.
That was about as shocking to me as an HBO special with a potty-mouthed Bob Saget. (RIP). Anyway, that rant is not hard to find, and it’s included in Negativland’s sound collage, “U2”, which actually led to a lawsuit not from Mr. Kasem, but instead the band.
It’s been a while since I’ve heard it, but IIRC the full version is something like 14 minutes in length.
My favorite ‘Elvis in Vegas’ on-stage rant is the one where he says he’s heard rumors that he’s been ‘strung out’ on heroin.
He replies that “I’ve never been strung out in my life. Except on music!” To great applause.
He blames his absences on having flu and a 102 temperature, so “they wouldn’t let me perform”, and attributes the rumors to “hotel employees, maids, the freaks who carry your bags to your room”. Elvis: a man of the people.
He then says if he finds out who’s been saying this about him, “I am going to break your goddamn neck, you son of a bitch!” More applause. He then says those rumors are dangerous, to him, his little girl, and his doctor.
Back in my radio days, I did a parody of “Are You Lonesome Tonight”, sung to Elvis ‘up in rock and roll Heaven’, called “Are You Strung Out Tonight”. For the spoken part, I substituted that rant, altering it so that he repeated “my doctor” half a dozen times.
He even used parts of it in various episodes of his sitcom.
“If I have to tell you again, we’re gonna take it outside and I’m gonna show you what it’s like!” (“The Opposite”)
“This guy…this is not my kind of guy.” (“The Understudy”)
“Then let’s see how he does, up there, without all the assistance!” (“The Butter Shave”)
It’s not “secretly recorded” at all, but since we seem to be including stage banter in this thread, Ken Casey of Dropkick Murphys went on a pretty amazing rant last year;
In cases like Buddy Rich, I forgive ad hominem rants. Rich was a highly skilled drummer who demanded excellence from himself and others. He believed that his strict approach was necessary to deliver flawless performances to audiences…and he was also an asshole. Sometimes you attract more bees with vinegar than honey.
I imagine Beethoven also ranted unmercifully at musicians not giving 100% effort when he conducted or gave piano lessons (which he hated giving…except for attractive women, regardless of their musical ability).
One of the best rants ever IMHO, even though it doesn’t really match what OP asked for (it was performed in front of a large crowd, not in secret), is Bill Burr’s epic Philly Rant (NSFW). Comedy gold, and given for a noble cause—He did it to get back at them for booing the last comedian.