Good friends that I know very well, and that I know are comfortable with hugs, get hugs.
Good friends that I know very well, and that I know are not comfortable with hugs, get whatever I know they are comfortable with (handshakes, high-fives, verbal greetings).
Acquaintances or people I’m just meeting get offered a handshake.
But I’m a slut that way.
I know a Sara who gets really ticked off if people call her “Sarah”.
Cuz Hs are EWW!
Where is she, where is she, where is she?
Damn, it’s getting late, I don’t think she’s a night owl.
I hate the air/cheek kiss. I never turn to the correct side and it’s always awkward.
The masthead does read “it’s taking longer than we thought”.
Some of you are only adding to the confusion, especially BigT. So you should go first unless its’ a situation where she should go first and always judge proximity. Oh and you should also consider the typical habits of the particular group in question and the level of the friendship with the person, and of course each individual person’s general preferences for greetings?
The OP’s problem is that he CAN’T figure this stuff out on his own. And if a plain handshake sufficed, he wouldn’t be asking the question. Jimbuff314 said “And I bet some of you thought I was kidding about it being anxiety-provoking.” Yup. but it doesn’t need to be.
The OP needs an easy one-size-fits most solution that he can use without trying to figure anything out and will make sure neither party is uncomfortable.
The two-hand handshake is what the OP is looking for.
That’s it.
Besides, if you some sort of “warm verbal greeting with light physical contact” thing and don’t do anything creepy,* nobody will even notice what you actually do.
Unfortunately, in many situations you can’t gracefully avoid the physical greeting thing.**
I hate it too. I see my sister-in-law’s family a lot, and it’s always with the kissy greeting with every single one of them every single time I see them.*** I like them, a lot, but sheesh! A while back, I decided I was just going to keep back and greet them verbally, but I came off as a real asshole. So I just buck up and do it and get it over with. Sometimes if I can catch someone across a crowded room, I can give a friendly wave and pantomime blowing a little kiss, and that makes me happy because it’s one less person that I have to do the kissy greeting with.
** I know somebody is going to chime in with “but but but what if you can’t or really don’t want to touch people you’re greeting because <insert reason>???” Then don’t, but it’s going to be awkward unless the other person knows you don’t/can’t greet with physical touch. How to reduce the awkwardness is a subject for another thread.
*** This has come to include my dear brother, the esteemed poster known as Billdo. Bill, if you’re reading this, can you PLEASE let me skip you? I don’t want to skip S, because in that particular case, I’m actually being genuine. But you, well, I basically just want to punch you in the arm and move on to giving each of the kidlets a little smooch on the top of the head. (Bill’s kids avoid affectionate greetings like the plague. I guess they take after their auntie! I usually even ask the 6-year-old for permission to give her a kiss on the top of the head!)
That leads to a full-on mouth kiss.
Actually, the “countdown” only got as far as Post #18.
At least that’s what I assumed **jimbuff314 **was talking about.
And then babies.
It’s practically rape.
Um, post #18 - handshake rape. No, not really, or only tangentially, oh, what the hell, let’s go with that meaning. No need for me to be a zealot about it, eh?
BTW - she (G) only slid that in because someone somewhere else was nearly pooping [del]her[/del] theirselves about it not having shown up yet. Capiche?
Also, nice obfuscating there, GB. Could you make me a diagram or two for all that?
There is nothing wrong with just saying ‘hi’. There are no written rules of how to greet and I’d say everyone does whatever they are comfortable with. We all have our private zone and some of us will let friends in for a hug and some won’t. It shouldn’t be a problem for anyone. Handshake is also fine. I like the idea with a bow someone earlier mentioned. Classy and cool 
Either follow their lead or base it off your relationship. If youre close friends air kiss or hug such contact stimulatespositive hormones making people feel happy yay!
Double finger-pistols.
Cross your arms in front of you, so she doesn’t get too close for her personal space limit, and then shake both of her hands. Then start swaying your knees and hips while alternately raising and lowering the hands you are shaking.
Next let go of her right hand and pivot to your right for no-more-than-three side to side hip bumps while triggering your phone to start playing “Bust a Move” at a loud volume.
Next, you both let go of each others hands, fold your arms in front of you and do the Barbara Eden “I Dream of Jeanie” doink at different people in the crowd that has started to gather.
If done correctly, this will lead to the entire room line dancing and singing along.
What, I saw it on TV while changing channels. Its either a scene from one of the “HS Musical” movies on Disney or “Real Life Epileptic Seizures” on The Discovery Channel (the channels are next to each other).
Or, you can just shake her hand and remember her name.
So, motorboating is out of the question?
…can she swim?
How about a high five greeting?
Grab her shoulders, lean forward and lick the tip of her nose. Make a slurping noise afterwards.