ETA - It’s pretty lame to make vague references to “someone” and “somewhere else.” If you want to say something about something that happened on another board, just say it.
Well, my background’s from what is usually considered a touchy-feely culture, which growing up was awkward because I was not a “natural” touchy-feely person. Tended towards neutral affect. Had to learn to be a bit more expressive and believe me it was a task.
That said I’ll go along with **bienville – if you just are not confident WRT how well you know the person, you are safe scaling down the effusivity, or if you’d rather put it this other way, scaling up the formality, and letting her be the one who calls for closer contact if she so wishes. Become invited.
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For newer members who may be confused by some of the references (countdowns, rapes, zealots. etc) in previous posts: When the subject of interactions between males and females comes up, some on the Dope can’t seem to resist making reference to the issue of a Doper who vigorously insists an unsolicited offered handshake from a man towards a woman is a bodily violation and unacceptable. Some of us OTOH wonder if it would not be better for everyone to let it go and not try to Beetlejuice her into every discussion on the matter.
[/aside]
If you are uncomfortable with physical contact, you can always initiate a handshake. You are allowed to take control over the greeting. You aren’t the first person to be confused about how much physical contact is appropriate or comfortable.
If you really really don’t feel comfortable with physical contact, it’s okay to wave and say hi and say with a smile “I don’t shake hands, but it’s a pleasure to see you.” People have said that to me. I got ovet it quick. It’s slightly strange, but it’s equally as awkward to touch someone awkwardly. The other person can feel if you are awkward, and decent people do not want you to be awkward. You just want to make sure you smile when you reject a handshake offer. You can tell a fib and say “I have a cold.” But you don’t have to.
I’m a huge fan of the double hand handshake, that someone else mentioned above. I think it’s warm and friendly and polite. You also have physical control over both your bodies (so they can’t go in for the stealth kiss) without the control being obvious.
Rules for physical contact in most social situations are unclear, so try not to worry about it. Even if you have an awkward moment, the person you are greeting has had those moments too, so it is soon forgotten.
The smile, even a fake smile, is much more important, I think. The smile is what tells the other person that you are happy to meet them. The hug-handshake-fistbump is secondary.
Remember that the vast majority of people aren’t thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves. Any awkwardness is soon forgotten by them, and it should be forgotten by you too.
So he should do the two-handed handshake but he may not be able to anyways and will just have to do whatever they do, because if he doesn’t touch them he’ll be thought of as an awkward freak?
Sorry. But maybe you can see why your first paragraph was annoying. If you find something confusing, why not ask for clarification rather than assume the stupidest interpretation?
To actually address your point: The two handed handshake is not going to work the way you want. I learned of it and tried it, and found out that most people think it’s kinda strange, since no one ever does it. I had to try and make it funny for it to work.
I do not think it works as a “one-size-fits-most” idea. You need something people actually do.
Though I’m still not certain he’s asking for what you guys are offering.
