This is a warning for you…and the mods are now discussing your future posting privileges. I strongly suggest you knock off the trolling/snarky replies in every topic you’re replying to if you wish to remain a member here.
I’m glad bup has the good sense to be level-headed and smart enough to look for the good wherever he can.
Edit, sorry, ninja’d by a mod.
He made me feel better about my grandma, I say let him stay.
Because of your advice
Wow, I totally missed your reply. Well, thanks then I said that from experience
what does that have to do with your gradnma?
For me it’s been numerous chairs that he should have been sitting in beside me. But it gets better, it really does. I have an amazing life right now and an amazing man who loves me sitting right next to me as I type this.
Be strong and know that you have supportive listening ears here anytime that you need them.
Sorry but that’s kinda disrespectful to people who were actually trying to cheer you up
Post here and on Facebook and get telephonitis IRL if you want to. Every time you reach out somebody can relate. Just put it out there like a one-line poem or an unresolved chord.
Where better to unload than on anonymous strangers? And I’m not being a smart ass, I really mean it. You can unload here and it’s fine.
I find that grief for me comes in waves. Sometimes you know it’s lurking out there, but most of the time it just arrives. Washes over you, overwhelms you and leaves you wrung out wondering if it is ever going to get better.
And I hate that.
It really annoys me that this sort of thread attracts the assholes, because as far as I’m concerned, this is a more valid and valuable use of this board than just about any other thread here. If this place can serve to help people through real, genuine pain, even if it’s in a very minor way, then that’s the best thing that could happen.
In my experience, it doesn’t necessarily get better, you just learn to deal with it better. Whatever your circumstances, this place is as good as any to unload, you can be sure of a fairly equal level of sympathy and snark - just ignore whatever doesn’t work for you!
This makes me think of all the times since Mom died that I’ve seen gluten-free foods at the store and thought, first, “Hmm, Mom might like this,” then “Oh yeah…” She had celiac disease, among other health problems, and it was a struggle keeping her away from cookies and other treats. So she always enjoyed it when I’d find her gluten-free baked goods. It’s been almost two years, but I still catch myself doing that sometimes.
Had the same sort of experience the other day when I was out walking. I thought I’d swing by the local park to see all the ornamental fruit trees in bloom. They were gorgeous. Then the thought “Boy, my sister (who died last November) would sure love all this Spring color” hit me like a hammer blow, and I found myself having to stop and sit on a bench until the tears stopped.
This weekend I have a very long car trip planned. Road trips were almost magically great for us. We’d hold hands and drive and talk for hours, and all our issues with each other would melt away.
At least I’m realizing the drive is going to suck now, a few days before I actually have to drive it.
It’s amazing how many little things remind us of the loved ones we’ve lost - the smell of Shalimar, cigarettes and beer will forever remind me of one grandmother - while chocolate chip cookies, Oil of Olay and Jean Nate’ bath splash are reminders of the other grandmother. (yes - they were a bit of a study in opposites!)
Bup - would perhaps finding an audiobook of one of the novels your wife and you had read together make the long drive easier?
My dad has been dead for…7 months now. From time to time I still get a random thought like “Hey, haven’t seen dad in a while, need to invite him for supper”. Then I remember.
I recommend you find some audio books to take along. I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t drift off and have some sad waves of emotion while listening to music during the drive. If you have an audiobook at least you have someone else to listen to.
I’m about 10 chapters into Little Dorritt, which is plenty long enough. I can’t listen to that non-stop, though. I think I just need to be careful with the playlists on my iPod.