Guess who's unemployed, unwed, 19yo sister is pregnant?

The BBQ Pit
22

I know a woman like this. Her only daughter is about to leave the nest, so she wants another child. She’s closing in on 40 (yes, she got an early start; I didn’t know her then), is very poor at managing a household, and doesn’t want a father for the kid, just a sperm donor.

Ms. D_Odds (who is closer to this woman than I am) has made it clear that I’m to keep my mouth shut should the subject come up while I am around. I have a nasty tendency to give my real opinion, uncluttered with double-speak, when asked for it.

23

Oh, we are going to help as much as we can, but the family is spread out all over the country, my mom is the closest one to her, my dad lives 4 hours away, and then it’s in plane flight territory.

I am thinking about having her come down here to LA for spring break at the end of the month if she wants to. Even with a massive stupid decision like this, she should have a little fun before the next 18 years of her life.

24

The cousin of my best friend went through this very thing. She was 18, just out of high school, and had a ton of “issues” around the fact she was adopted. As soon as she got out of high school, she stopped using birth control and got pregnant.

Her parents basically raised the kid for her. Did the night feedings, the potty training, the diaper changing. Free daycare so she could continue her pattern of starting school, dropping out, getting a marginal job, quitting, starting school again, etc.

All she learned was that Baby = Fun + Attention, so, after a couple of years, she went out and did it again with another guy.

Her parents kicked her out, making her do the parenting and the breadwinning. She finally realized what she was doing wasn’t a joke–she was wrecking her future and her kids’ futures. She got her head together, finished college, got a job, put her relationship with Daddy #1 back together on mature footing, and got married.

I’d encourage your parents to stand firm on making her take responsibility for her kid. It will be rough on your sister at first, but the best teen parents I know (who are, admittedly, not great) are the ones who were forced to take responsibility for their choices. Unfortunately, if your sister doesn’t get it together, it’s not just your parents who suffer consequences they didn’t ask for, but also the kid.

25

Tend to agree with QN, if your Mom makes it too easy, she won’t ever figure out what a Stupid Inconvienent thing she has done. i.e. there is a line between being supportive and enabling.

i.e. she need to hold a job. Your mother may provide daycare for child, but will get paid - even if its far below market daycare rates. She might live at home, but she needs to pay rent. She needs to pay for babysitting - especially if its for fun things. She buys the diapers, she does the middle of the night feedings.

26

I do want to clarify that I don’t mean your parents shouldn’t lift a finger and let their grandkid live in squalor. There’s a big difference between, say, them buying clothes and diapers and milk for baby sometimes, and totally supporting her by providing free rent/daycare/babyraising. One’s supportive, the other’s enabling.

27

She needs to hear **both ** parts of that.

28

You’re acting like a jerk, Fleming. Tone down your shock value or we will dispense with your presence.

TVeblen
Pit mod

29

I think I’ve got you beat.

My little cousin, bless her soul, just turned 16.

She is pregnant and due next month.

She is living with the father.

And his 14 year old daughter.

30

CynicalGabe, your aunt and uncle should have him thrown in jail.

31

Second that. We gave my sis too much love, and not enough (figurative) ass kicking. Now we have number two on the way at 19 years old.

32

No personal experience involved this time, but I third this.

33

Y’all ain’t from around these parts, is ya? :wink:

34

While intentionally getting pregnant in the situation she’s in is incredibly irresponsible, there’s a very good chance that having the baby will help her to finally assume responsibility.

35

My sister did the same thing. 18 years old, no HS diploma, but she had a job. She was due to start birth control in 2 weeks, but she just couldn’t wait that long, I guess. She got knocked up by a guy she’d been dating for 2 weeks. This is the same guy one of our good friends had just broken up with, because he was a physically and mentally abusive shithead.

“But he doesn’t like condoms!” she whined, when I asked her why on Earth they didn’t wrap it up. This was my first clue that this was an abusive boy she’d gotten tangled up with.

He put a ring on her finger and proposed, and my mother promptly moved him into her house. He refused to hold a job, actually quit a damn good job with benefits at Coca-Cola. He just sat on his ass around the house and had his friends over a lot.

Fast forward 9 months…my neice is born. Another 4 weeks and I am getting a call from my sister about how something’s wrong with Haille’s leg, and they’re going to the hospital. Long story short, Haille’s femur was broken clean in the middle, and upon examination they found fractured ribs and busted blood vessels in her eyes, evidence of shaken baby syndrome. After numerous tests for things like Osteogenesis Imperfecta (brittle bones) the detective on the case finally got my neice’s father to admit to breaking her leg out of anger, and shaking her for three weeks. He sits in jail right this second, and my neice is without a father.

Anyhow, it’s a tough road, when someone very naive and unprepared decides to bring a child into the world. My sister still has not received her diploma, but she works constantly to support herself, her child, and my mother. She’s doing a lot better now than she could have been, and I am very proud of her, but it was rough there for a while. My sister has gained a certain inner strength now from all of it, but I can’t help but think that it’s her own mess she’s had to clean up.

I hope the best for your sister, but I know it will be hard for her and all of those who love her.

36

The above poster I can’t beat, and definitely say that figuratively since this isn’t a competition even slightly, but we just had a girl get pregnant that graduated last year from HS. Her BF is a really good baseball player, the best our school has ever seen and very likely pro material, and they were having some relationship difficulties. Now is a good time to mention that she is insane in the manipulative sense - can you guess where this is going? She lied to him about being on BC, got knocked up, and waited until it was too late to have an abortion to tell him. Since he might go pro, she wanted his baby for both money and to blackmail him in the future. Nice girl, eh? Granted, he should of taken matters into his own hands, but that isn’t the right way to start a family.

37

Didn’t know that statutory rape was considered hunky-dory in Davis, CA.

:smiley: Kidding. I know from your other thread that is just where you go to school.

38

Hey, goodness, it’s not like she’s still in middle school or anything. It’s not the best thing, but it’s not the end of the world.

My mom had me at nineteen. It wasn’t easy and at times we were outright poor. But I managed to grow up and graduate from college without becoming a junkie or anything like that. And my mom is now in great shape. We were discussing childbearing just the other day and she said she is glad she had me early. She enjoyed being a young, energetic parent and not being entirely out of touch with me as a teenager. Now that I’m out of the house and she is making decent money she is having a lot of fun, and is able to do stuff like volenteer for three months at a central american orphanage. Although I hated some of the hardships (but whos childhood doesn’t have some hardships?) I wouldn’t trade the experience of being a pre-schooler while my mom was in college for anything in the world. I got a hands on introduction to serious education at a young age, and it’s stayed with me since. And I’d rather have my loving, caring and always there extended family than all the riches in the world.

I think we expect too much of parents nowdays. People are supposed to have a big house with a bedroom and bathroom for each kid, an SUV to take to soccer practice and money for dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and green ketchup and family vacations to Hawaiin resorts. Just a couple generations ago it was pretty common to pile a couple kids into each bed, send the bright ones to school, and give them oranges and a couple pieces of candy for christmas. Remember when family vacations were to state parks and Santa brought one or two toys? Remember when people cooked meals that “extended” the meat part because meat was expensive? I’m pretty young, but even I remember the days before special TV dinners for kids, $700 baby strollers and piles of medications for everyone over the age of two. It’s good that our living standards are rising, but it’s ridiculous to think that a pile of material things are required to raise a healthy happy kid.

You don’t need a lot of money to raise a kid. You need love. And an extended family is an important part of that. Please don’t shun her or use your love to teach her a lesson. There are plenty she’ll be learning soon enough as is.

39

Wait, add back in the HS diploma and substitute heroin… and… hey, me? Is that you?

40

…and is, if you don’t mind me saying so, better off without him. There may he rot. Your sister, and your family, will raise that girl just fine.

41

Oh, we’re doing a wonderful job, I think. My neice is now three years old, and the most brilliant and beautiful child I have ever known.

I hope no one got the idea that I don’t want that fuckwad to burn in hell for all eternity…in fact, I plan to be the first one in line outside the jail when they let him out.

I just happen to be of the belief that a child deserves two good parents, and even with the best the rest of us can do, she deserves to have a father and other extended paternal relations. He took that away from her, and I will never forgive him for his actions.