If this were a psychological support board or personal journal or some kind of designated “safe space,” I don’t think anyone would disagree with you. However, it’s been established time and time again that this is none of those. The one which stands out most in my mind is the hardygrrl debacle of a few years ago. I pitted her, IIRC. She sprayed her bizarre relationship crap across the place, and then got whiny when people told her she was fucked up. In that thread and others, it was generally agreed that if you don’t want people to talk about the details of your personal life, you shouldn’t make your personal life public.
You don’t LIKE it, maybe, but that’s the way it is. If anyone wants to talk about their suicidal thoughts or alcoholism or serial infidelity or crippling depression, there are sites all over the place full of supportive people with owners/moderators who promise a place to talk about your worst problems without fear of repercussions, public outings, or random assholes like the people who enjoy hanging out in the Pit (myself obviously included).
I refer you to the recent thread in whichour Guin wanted Ahunter3 to SHUT THE FUCK UP because he had the temerity to criticize psychiatry.
I disagree. If someone brings up a story about their wife leaving them, or getting fired, or becoming an alcoholic, they don’t have some sort of immunity from people asking questions, offering opinions or even making accusations. There are limits to that – jerkishness – but “You must have done something to make her leave” is just as valid an opinion as “I’m sure it’s not your fault.”
Again, if people only want supportive, encouraging responses, there are places for that. If people just want to vent out feelings without any pushback, there are places for that, too. This is not one of them.
It’s funny, I know that Guin’s posting number is on up there but frankly that comes as a bit of a surprise because I certainly don’t see here everywhere, certainly a lot less than some others, and she’s always struck me as reasonable and very pleasant.
I kinda think of her as analagous to a D cup. I mean yeah, it sounds big but who cares because… it’s a boob!
That’s not exactly what I meant. That was…well, I don’t know what that was, but it wasn’t her telling people to butt out of HER personal life. OTOH, reading Hama’s post, I see the point she (and probably you, too) are making. See below.
Again, I agree with you. That really wasn’t what I was trying to say. I think a few polite inquiries for more details is fine, but so is a response that the person in question would rather not answer them. Opinions and, to a lesser extent accusations, are fine, too, since what’s out there is fair game for anyone to comment on. The point I was trying to get across was that prying further, particularly when the person has said they’d rather not go into more detail, is wrong. Does that make any sense?
A while back, I pitted Larry Mudd because he told me I was starting too many threads, and it pissed me off.
Of course, as the pit thread wore on, I realised that yes, he was right, and I thanked him for pointing it out to me, and for being a good sport and all. I was given advice by an experienced Doper, I took it, all has been fairly ok since.
But if someone, out of the blue, were to just land in the pit and tell me that I was posting too much, or spending too much time at my computer, without having ever met me, or knowing anything about me, and then proceeded to describe how he had checked my activity on other boards and found it to be excessive, and tell me I needed to get laid…
That would piss me off. Guin, you’re being a lady about all this. It speaks volumes for your character.
If you dont want to tear into this Sag, can we?
And as a slight hijack, who has the highest post count on the Dope?
However sophisticated I like to believe myself to be, I’m still the gal who was 25 when she figured out what they lyrics to Styx’s “Light Up” are about.
I’ve been picturing cute wagging Dachshunds every time I see ‘doxies.’
Sure, if the person then stops discussing it themselves and doesn’t bring it up again. Mods grant requests for thread closures, and that’s a good thing. But when you’re talking about someone who time and again has made a customarily private thing public, I think we can say that they’ve pretty much deliberately (if not consciously) created an online persona for themselves. ** Lieu ** cannot suddenly announce that his fecal adventures are off-limits. They are fair game, now and probably forever.
Guin has posted in hundreds of threads about her various issues and difficulties. She has chosen to put her personal life out there for all the world to see on many, many occasions. At this point, she can no more claim a sudden desire for privacy than Polycarp could say his religion is nobody’s business but his own.
Your point would be a lot more salient if people were prying into some aspect of her life that Guin hadn’t revealed (“I heard off-board that you had a date last week, how’d it go?”) But nobody here has divulged anything more than what any semi-regular doper already knows: Guin spends A LOT of time online; far, far more than what most people would consider healthy.
furt, if I want to sit at home all day watching midget clown porn and snorting Cheeto dust, that’s my own damned business.
I’ve discussed some of my experiences with anxiety and depression. I don’t always tell you everything. As for my social life-when I have something to tell you, I will. I don’t owe you all the juicy details just for you to salivate over. Nor do I give a shit if you have a problem with it.
Jesus, and people suggest I should be more social? Gee, I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t want to! What lovely people there are out there!
I agree that if the OP was genuinely concerned about guin’s free time, a private e-mail would have been a far more appropriate venue. Besides, she isn’t the only poster here who wouldn’t benefit from walking away from the computer. Myself included.
I agree that if the OP was genuinely concerned about guin’s free time, a private e-mail would have been a far more appropriate venue. Besides, she isn’t the only poster here who would benefit from walking away from the computer. Myself included.
No silly, I was saying that despite any perceived high count, I’ve always enjoyed her contributions and hope they continue. They’ve merit and seem anything but ubiquitous.
I will create the petition to shut down the internet one day a month so all of us internet addicts are forced to leave the computer once in a while. That will solve this petty disagreement!
Where in the wide, wide world of sports do you get the idea that I want any “juicy details?” I think you’re assuming I think a lot of things that ain’t so.
Do you see me in IMHO/MPSIMS often? Do you see me regularly involved in the personal-advice threads? Do you see me in the various off-board “communities?” I almost never put any of my personal shit online (7 years, 5000 posts, and I bet nobody can say three things about me), and as a rule, I think it’s a bad idea for other people to do so. But if that’s what you wanna do, that’s fine. Knock yourselves out.
What I object to – strongly, passionately, virulently – and what brought me into this thread, is the odious idea that anyone is entitled to a “safe place” courtesy of everyone else, that you can regularly broadcast personal information but be exempt from comment or criticism. Every word you post here is PUBLIC, and the public includes a lot of people don’t agree with you. Frankly, it also includes a lot of assholes, which is one of the reasons I think putting intimate emotional stuff online is a bad idea. If you are gonna do it for the perusal of your freinds, a livejournal or myspace or a blog are all good ideas. Some assholes may follow you, but I shouldn’t think it’d be too bad.
If your online freinds won’t bother to click on a LJ or a blog to see what’s up with you, and you feel like you have to come here to get their attention – well, maybe you’re looking for something the internet can’t provide.
