Guy Stuff 3: The search for 2

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

I get busy for a couple of days and look what you do to my ship! Well, I’m not upset about the naked women, or the teletransmogrifier, and Sy can go on being captain, but who painted the damn thing white? It was lime green when I made it! Oh well. Oh, and just so everyone knows, Shad couldn’t have been sucked into the toilet, they work like regular old toilets. She fell in!

Oh well.

::strips down, grabs a jug of hot chocolate/pepperming Schnapps and jumps into the hot tub::

Look! It’s all sorts of naked people!

::downs a cup of highly alcoholic, tasty goodness::

C&W, get your ass out here and party! Stop screwing that aardvark and get drunk! Sheesh, silly peoples.

::hiccups and looks at all the floaty things::

Someone turn on the Stones!

: :presses a button and a giant bong rises from the center of the hot tub::

VB, get offa that thing!

Who wants to take a hit?

I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

62

Oh, alright… (visions of Ride My Seesaw by the Moody Blues fading away…)

Hey, leggo my eggo PB! Thanks for the brew, hon.

Welcome back Falcon! (batting eyes)

VB

Cowabunga Buffalo Bob!

63

Oh, gonna try batting your eyes at ME, are we VB? Well, I suppose it’ll work… smooch Now, would you care to hand me a beer?

Winner, SDMB’s Biggest Chat Addict

“Only two things that’ll soothe my soul - cold beer and remote control.”

64

does a triple somersault off the diving board

65

Surg sweetie…it needed some purple to go with the lime green and I thought glow-in-the-dark would be cool …seeing as how it is space and all.

:: Plops down naked on Surg’s lap::

Any beer left?

I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!

66

Hic! How dare you insinutate…insinurate…insinuzate…how dare you say that I fell in?

Stalks off, muttering to herself…“now I need to use the zero-G shower”

Shadowfox

“The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson

67

Any beer left? Of course there’s beer left! Remember those nifty Venusians we met back in Guy Stuff, the original? You know, the funny green guys that told us how to spontaneously generate Tequila? Well, with a little bit of originality, I modified it so that it’ll make ANYTHING (okay, I blatantly stole their design and made it a little different, so what?).

: :Does a shot of Tequila and takes a bong hit.::

Ah, this is living. Naked women, drugs, alcohol, and a spaceship.

I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

68

Those damnable smilies will be the death of me yet. I guess I’ll just have to distract myself with pretty girls, hmm?

::leers at the assembled flesh. Pops open a bottle of Jose Cuervo and starts chugging::

I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

69

::Pshhhht!::

"here’s your beer, Falc; say, would you mind pulling Purplebear off the bottom?

The bubbles are getting smaller…

VB

“Rudyard Kipling?”

“Don’t know; I’ve never Kippled!”

70

:::rubbing eyes & yawning:::

Evening, all! Sorry I fell asleep. I was awake for a couple of days, you know, dodging asteroids & waiting for a ride. Had to catch up on the Z’s.

Shadow, um…why do you have bandaids on your butt? Don’t tell me that old wives’ tale about toilet suction is true.

Beer. I need beer. Where’s the beer? Thare’s the beer.

:::cracks open a freshly replicated beer:::

Aaaah. Breakfast of champions. Now, where’s those towels I had on earlier? Being naked in space is quite liberating indeed, but it does get a bit nippy.

Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I’ll do anything he says, anytime he says to.

71

Uuuuugghhhh… Whheewwww!! Thanks, Falcon, I was getting very lightheaded down there. How’d I end up down there, anyway???hic

But, VB, I was just having a little fun. AAawww, geeez, can’t a girl have any fun around here?? And, you’re welcome for the brewsky, dear.Anything for my favorite flyboy!!

Say, Surg, ole man, can I have some of thatsh ssssssttuff therrree??? How duzz it taste??hic

BBBBUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP!!!
giggles 'scuze me folks!

Changing my sig just 'cause…
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.—Anon.

72

:::Accidentally beamed down on unknown planet during crew’s last feeble attempt at space combat:::

(sigh) Do not chase Purplebear’s G-string into shiny transporter light. OK, important safety tip.

Seems to be a habitable planet. No tricorder, naturally to scan planet with. Never learned to work the damn thing in the Academy anyway. Will make do with waving PB’s G-string at approaching alien life forms.
Oh, cool, the planet of the Xena Babes In Leather. Maybe I should send distress signal. Screw that, let Vestal Blue find his own space babes.

…send lawyers, guns, and money…

       Warren Zevon
73

Bluepony Marooned (Part Deux)

Assistant Recreational Officer’s Log, Stardate (shit, left space-time watch on rim of Jacuzzi).

Marooned on Planet of Xena Babes. Have reluctantly decided to violate Prime Directive and share what little technology I have with these suffering chicks (er… I mean native, indigenous life forms)

“OK ladies, this is a Mark I Variable Speed Drink Blender…these are limes…this is a bottle of Cuervo Gold and this is a salt shaker…”

Third Officer Bluepony,

Official SOS/Mayday (bring your own Cuervo)

…send lawyers, guns, and money…

       Warren Zevon
74

Meanwhile, on the bridge, Captain Sy is blowing away imps with a rocket launcher.

Communications Officer: Captain! I’m picking up a distress signal!

Captain: SUCK ROCKETS, DEMON FREAK!

Communications Officer: It seems to be coming from Modian 4. . .

Captain: EAT PLASMA, CACODEMON!

Communications Officer: CAPTAIN!

Captain: Huh? Ah, frag! That arch-vile toasted my ass!

Communications Officer: Captain, I’m picking up a distress signal. . .

Captain: So?

Communications Officer: It’s from Modian 4. They’re under attack by Klingons!

Ensign: They must need some better toilet paper then!

Ensign laughs hysterically as the captain and the communications officer look at him funny.

Ensign: Ha ha! Get it? Cling-ons?

Captain: Lieutenant Wurf?

Wurf: Yes sir?

Captain: Give this man a vicious noogie.

Wurf: Yes sir!

Ensign: Hee hee. . . what?

Wurf: Come here!

Ensign: OW! OW! HEY! OW!

Captain: Let this be a lesson, Ensign.

Communications Officer: Um, captain, what about the distress signal?

Captain: What about it?

Communications Officer: Aren’t we going to respond?

Captain: What, are you nuts? We’re on an important mission here!

Communications Officer: But it’s a code one emergency. . .

Captain: Bah, Modians are a punch of pansies anyway. Serves 'em right to be conquered.

Captain walks into his ready room.

Captain: Now where did I leave that vodka?

– Sylence

If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings.

  • Tokugawa Ieyasu
75

Meanwhile, back on the planet of the Xena Babes:

< VB transports down >

sparkle sparkle
::Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvshhhhhhhhh::

beep beep!

"Hot damn! The Tricorder does pick up undergarments! Whoa! I’m not drunk or hungover! wow! The transporter cures inebriation! I’m gonna make a freakin’ million offa this! Science officer to shuttle: beam Purplebear down and back up again! "(there; maybe she’ll be of use to me now :wink: )

Oh Hey! Pony, there you are! who are all these…

HOLY BOSOMS!

< to be continued… >

VB

“Rudyard Kipling?”

“Don’t know; I’ve never Kippled!”

76

Come on guys, help me lift this keg out of the bathtub…Okay, thanks guys. Be careful! Don’t drop it! Set it down gently right here next to the tub. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to sit in the ice to see if I can bring the swelling down. Can somebody bring me another margarita?

Shadowfox

“The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson

77

<beaming down, Purplebear looks around, spots VB closing in on some naked female creature things, when she is suddenly beamed back up to ship>
HEY!!! No fair! I’m sober again. Okay, VB, what’s the great idea? Why do I need to be sober for you, when you’re not even here???

Hmmmmmmmm…???

Changing my sig just 'cause…
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.—Anon.

78

< grumbling at the sudden shifting of her poor body down and back, purplebear heads of to the hot tub again, figuring she must need to get clean again, and warm up from the COLD of space>
She looks over at Pony and shrieks <WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY G-STRING NOW!!!>
At least, he’s leaving her flotation device holder alone…

Changing my sig just 'cause…
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.—Anon.

79

  1. Hey, quit whining! I went dirtside to rescue your G-string (and hold it for ransom, heh heh)

  2. Tighter.

VB

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

80

Meanwhile, on the bridge, Captain Sy is spinning his captain’s chair in a circle.

Captain: Wheeeeeeeee!

Pilot: Captain, I’m picking up something on long range sensors.

Captain: On screen!

A large cube-shaped object appears on the viewscreen.

Ensign: Uh oh. Is that. . .

The image of a human face with a bionic implant over the left eye appears onscreen. Captain Sy keeps spinning his chair.

Pilot: AHH! THE BLORG!

Blorg: You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

Pilot: They’re charging weapons!

Ensign: NOOOOOOO I DON’T WANNA DIEEEEEEE. . .

Captain Sy stops spinning.

Captain: Blorg shmorg. Check THIS out, freakazoid!

Blorg: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Connection is severed and the cube flies off at warp 9.

Captain: Wuss.

Puts away the Windows NT box and goes back to spinning his chair.
– Sylence

If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings.

  • Tokugawa Ieyasu