Guys and Prostitutes ...

In My Humble Opinion
61

Pablito, IME very little is resolved by any thread outside of General Questions. This is an idea we’re batting around the court, trying to make sense of it… and once in a while taking a swipe at Justhink’s ironically ignorant posts because it’s fun.

Straightdope is all about fighting ignorance, not finding answers. I personally have found this thread really interesting, and in some ways heartening: my experiences with women have been, to a certain extent, embittering, but here are women who have healthy and well-adjusted perspectives and who give me hope that the women I know are better people than they sometimes seem.

No, we’ll probably never agree on one definitive answer for any of the questions addressed herein. However, we’ll all be able to see both sides of the issue… isn’t that what real enlightenment is about?

Rock on SDMB!

62

Loup, glad to see you out and about, even if it’s only online!

And I’m even more reassured to realize that I’m not the only one who gets a splitting metaphorical and misogynistic headache from reading Justhink’s posts.

Women, much like men, are individuals. There are individuals of each gender who see sex as a transactional issue, whether the currency is money, companionship, backrubs, or sleeping on the wet spot.

But as I’ve told Justhink in other threads, that’s IMHO a really sad and lonely way to view relationships, sexual or otherwise, and is not likely to lead anyone to much happiness. You might as well decide that women have babies for some sort of psychic self-gratification, not out of the wish to love and nurture a new human being. OK, there are probably those who do (hi, stepmom!), but they aren’t the sort I care to associate with.

Personally, I’m a big fan of sex, if it’s in the right context with someone I care about and respect, and I think it’s impossible to separate out the elements of sex that say “I want to turn you on like crazy and give you so much pleasure you feel like your head is going to explode!” out of the simple wish to bring joy to another human being, and those elements that say “I want to turn you on like crazy, because I know if I do (and if I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t be contemplating having sex with you), you’ll want to turn around and do the same to me, and I know it’ll feel incredible!”

Good sex is reciprocal, and I think it’s impossible to say whether it’s out of selfishness or altriusm. (And by reciprocal, I mean over the longer haul of the relationship, not just on any particular day. There sure have been days of my life where I wanted only to sheer intensely lustful sweaty pleasure to my partner, and there have been days where I just wanted a good backrub, or to be swept off my feet by him.)

I concur with whoever it was who said that Justhink probably hasn’t been in a good, reciprocal relationship. It’s sad, and even if he makes my head hurt, I hope someone can wade through his convoluted words and bitterness long enough to change his outlook on the whole issue. But that’s just because I’m a free-love hippie chick who wants everyone to live happily ever after with shit-eating grins on their faces. Make love, not misogynistic bitterness, I say!

63

(((((((((((EVA LUNA)))))))))))))

Being out and about is good… feels nice… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still hung up on my ex, but I’m no longer wasting away and if I’m careful I can repair the damage done to my body and job security… although I don’t really share the hippy mentality, I definitely think that love and sex go a long way toward making the world a better place, no matter what regrets and heartache come along as part and parcel.
Justhink, I’m usually really harsh when I think that someone is crossing over the line into arrogance… the way you word your posts makes you look like you’re hiding flimsy, opinion-tainted (okay, opinion-drenched) arguments behind jargon. Here’s a project for you: put your opinions into simple, point form, with each sentence no more than 12 words long and no more than 8 letters per word. You’ll find that it scans a lot better, and I for one would welcome an open debate with you about the merits and flaws of womankind and love. Heck, start a new thread and I’ll go toe-to-toe with you on the issues, all you have to do is put my name in the OP to call me out (I admit to doing vanity searches every so often) or even email me to let me know that there’s a thread with my name on it. Debate sharpens the mind, and we’ll both probably end up learning a lot… this could be a lot of fun… looking forward to it!

64

I’m calling Justhink down to the pit!

Heed my challenge, young one!

Of course, I may not be able to work out whether he’s answering my challenge or not… but at least he might post something…:rolleyes:

65

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I must tell you all that I have actually spent money on a man I was having sex with.

I didn’t realise that you only spent money on people in order that you might get some, and I didn’t realise it was only men that ever spent money on other people… I have so got this the wrong way round… lemme just go write some invoices quickly…

FFS! :rolleyes:

As to the op, there is a stigma attached to paying for sex, but I think thats down to people equating paying for sex with not being able to get it any other way.
I would have no qualms about going to a prostitute should I feel the need to fuck with no strings attached.

66

Well, I guess its time to dig into my dark and sordid past and reveal that not only have I had sex with a prostitute, I was a regular customer for a few women over the years.
I had what I think were good reasons, though others may see it as rationalization. Your call.
First, I have lived here in Germany for thirteen years. Prostitution is regulated, but allowed. The women have regular health checks, and I’ve not met a one that didn’t insist on the man wearing a condom. I’ve known some that wouldn’t even touch the guy without wearing rubber gloves - and I don’t mean just to be kinky. I was less worried about getting an STD from one of them than I would have been about getting one from some chick I’d met in a bar.
The chick in the bar is the next part of the deal. It is difficult for an American over here to meet a german girl and be sure about her feelings for him. There are quite a few german women who will do anything to get to the U.S. There is a quite common opinion here that Americans are all rich (or at least very well off.) This is left over from the post-war years in which an 18 year old private would earn more per month than a german man with a family to feed and rent to pay. From this comes the assumption that the U.S. must be a great place to live. It is not uncommon at all for a german girl to hook herself an american man so that she can get a trip to the states and a residence permit - and then divorce the man at the first chance because she never loved him in the first place.
Love is the third part of the equation. I wanted to find a girl/woman to love and who loved me. Sex is best with love. I didn’t want to open up to someone only to find that it was no more than a fun fling for her - or worse, find that she had ulterior motives.
Sex itself is the fourth part. I have what I think is a fairly high sex drive. I need sex often. Like whacking the Furd wang three times a day high sex drive. Wang whacking gets old under those circumstances. You get a real drive, a thundering need to have sex with a real person after a while.
Back around to love again. I couldn’t stand the thought of taking advantage of some girl. Lord knows I’ve seen plenty of that. Guys who know how sought after Americans are who would just pick up german girls, then boink them and drop them. The thought of using someone that way just does not now and never did appeal to me. The most intolerable part of the idea, though, is that you may just happen upon a really nice girl who likes you and could love you, and treating her poorly (and possibly hurting her badly) because you couldn’t tell where she was coming from and played games with her instead of treating her honestly.
The last there is, though, for me the most important. I have had games played on me. Some by german girls in “trap an American” mode, and some just out of the (unfortunately) all too common “take advantage of a nice guy” kind of stuff. From having experienced the games from the receive side, I decided that I just didn’t want to play them. There were also a couple of times where I inadvertently took advantage of a girl because of misunderstandings, and those bug me a lot of times late at night when I can’t sleep.
The reasons for going to a prostitute are simple: There are no games being played, there are clear rules for what goes on, and no ones feelings get hurt. While I was looking for Mrs. Furd, I had sex with prostitutes so as not to get involved in messy, painful games and keep myself sexually satisfied so as not to jump on the first best (and possibly make a life long mistake) out of simple horniness.
Prostitution here is, I think, very different from in the U.S. Here, I would stroll through a house full of half nude girls and look for one who looked friendly and chat with her a bit before deciding if things need go further. You have the leisure to find someone nice. I didn’t become good friends with any of the girls, but I would say that they were a great deal more than just fuck holes. When you visit the same repeatedly over a long period, you do get to know her, and you can tell how she’s doing. There were a couple of them with whom I can well imagine having become good friends, but we went by the rules.
There is also more to it than just fucking. A couple of jokes, some light conversation. And for a person all alone most important, physical contact. A hug, a back rub.
Having said all of that, let me repeat that sex is best with love. Mrs. Furd is no where near as athletic as some of those girls were, and she has no where near the practice or experience, but every bit of sex I had before we met pales in comparison to what we have - and I wouldn’t think of going again to any of those girls.
A loving wife, two great kids, and mind bending sex when we can manage not to fall a sleep too early (micro furd still doesn’t sleep through the night.)

BTW: Mrs. Furd knows all about my earlier escapades.

67

OK, time to check in.

I have never had sex with a prostitute. But there have been times when I gladly would have, had I not been afraid of being arrested. I would have found no ‘pride’ in it, and probably wouldn’t have told anyone about it.

Let’s face it, some of us guys are not too swift. Some of us are not ‘players’ and are unlikely too be able to persuade a woman we just met to go home with us. While being passable in the looks department, I am painfully shy and fall into that catagory. I’ve had my share of sex, but almost always in the comntext of a relationship. And I’m OK with that.

But there have been times when I was lonely. And I was always horny. As Paul Simon wrote “There were times when I was so lonesome, I took some comfort there”. I WOULD have. It wouldn’t have solved my lonliness, but it would have distracted me from it.

I remember a recovering addict sharing from the podium about how he used sexual conquest as a way of distracting him from how empty and lonley his life was. And to quote him “Afterward, I prayed to God that one of us would disappear in a puff of smoke”. I took this to mean he didn’t want to deal with faking an emotional connection of any kind that he did not feel. He was lonley and empty. the sex didn’t help that, but it distracted him from it for a little while.

I could have done it. It wouldn’t have been what I wanted (love and companionship along with the sex), but it would have been a reasonable, temporary facsimile and made it easier to get through the night.

Just one man’s opinion.