You were just bad at picking out the guys that WERE into you. If you had enough social skills to read the right guys signals things would have turned out better.
Yes, it is unfair. But so is life. Women are whore-cows and men are sandy pussies. What is the big fucking deal about asking some bitch out? Yes, I’ve been turned down not in literal terms, but you just get a vibe. Yes, some women want the attention – so why is some fucking pussy bothering with them in the first place? Go home, jerk off, and go jog off the baby fat, tubs – what’s the big fucking deal about getting a “date,” anyway?
Billfish…
I am a firm believer that every single guy wishing to date should approach several women week*. I don’t care who they are…some random woman in the grocery store for all I care. Just the act of asking women out will get the guy to realize that rejection, though unpleasant, is really not that big a deal.
See a woman in the grocery store…ask some inane question…doesn’t matter what. Wow, those apples are really red! :D. If she responds** with something other than a noncommital grunt, follower her lead and you have passed the first hurdle. After a couple exchanges, ask for her name. Do not give her yours. If she asks for yours*** then that is some interest (or could just be politeness). If she asks for your name you have passed the second hurdle. Do not let the conversation drag on too long and ask for her number.
It really is that simple and at no point up to the phone number can you be officially ‘rejected’.
Shy be damned…anyone can do this. You are not doing this to get dates btw. You might even get a phone number and have little interest in calling. You are doing this for practice. This gives you practice in observing women and getting desensitized to your fears.
*That’s assuming you live in an urban area. If you live in a small town there just aren’t that many available women. Therefore, the first thing you should do is get the frack out of there and into an urban area 
** Don’t take this for granted…it is possible she won’t say a word.
*** Definitely not guaranteed
I tried this with the Dean’s wife in the cucumber section. Things did not go well.
Of course it is in some ways, which is a major reason why so many women prefer men do so. Plenty of men would love it if women played the aggressor, but most women are at least as shy of rejection as men and so are willing to let men put up with the repeated humiliation of rejection.
It’s called “becoming callous”. I expect that most men who can repeatedly ask women out without minding being rejected can do so because they have no regard for women except as a sex object. They don’t care about being rejected because the women aren’t emotionally “real” to them; just a tool, a means to an end. They might start to look at her as a person after getting to know her…or they might not.
And that is the sort of man that letting men being the pursuer selects for.
That’s simply not so. A man can be greatly interested in a woman and simply be shy, or be certain she’d say “no”.
If I came on here and said “Okay, I don’t like being single and would like to find a partner. Here is my dating strategy…I only find one or two men a year that I think are attractive enough to have a first date with- really, 99.99999999% of single men in my age range hold absolutely no interest for me, so I’ll just focus on those two. Also, expressing my interest in them makes me uncomfortable, so I’m not going to do it when I do meet those two guys a year. And dammit, I can’t get a date! Dating is rigged and unfair and men have all the power!” people would be at me left and right. At the very least, they’d say that it’s probably the world’s crappiest dating strategy. I imagine they’d also question my dedication to finding a partner.
But the poster you quoted wasn’t complaining about his dating strategy. He brought it up as a hypothetical example of how some people are different. I get that it’s not for you but why attack anyone who does date that way?
Good tip – when I was in middle school, I was a part of a group of “peer counselors” who’d try to be a part of helping others, and, in the process, become better people ourselves. This was one of the ideas to help other kids come out of their shells. Pretty gay-ass stuff (no offense to those who think that’s a hard-hitting slur, instead of a 12-year-older’s retarded joke ), but the idea had IIRC some theory behind it and apparently some results to validate said theory.
It fucking is a good idea – talk to some people, and learn by doing that asking for duh duh DAH a “date” is the same thing as asking if some chick wants to blow your dick off or if she wants to sit next to you on the school bus.
Jesus christ, I’m a nerdy-ass-as-hell overweight man, who often comes across as slightly ‘off’ to normal people IRL, and even I fucking get this. I’m a fan of fucking man, so come onto me – am I wrong, ladies? That’s what you say, right? When you’re getting close?
nm
But can you see how if you find dating exhausting and unpleasant, you are probably less likely to be a fun person to date?
Again, it’s not about motivations or morals, but about maintaining a symmetrical relationship. Being in a relationship with someone who is much less interested in you than you to them is depressing, heartbreaking, and overall unpleasant. Being in a relationship with someone who is much more interested in you than you are to them is stifling, constricting, pressuring and sometimes scary. This means the best way, statistically, to move a relationship forward is to start low, develop some rapport, and ratchet things up in synch with your partner.
As for risk, women take risks too, it just tends to happen in the next step of the relationship. How many times has a woman dated a guy a couple of times, only to find he never calls her back and has disappeared off the face of the earth? It’s the same rejection, the same feeling, and the same kind of risk.
Why does “if they were interested enough they’d do the pursuing” not apply right back at YOU? I’m trying to imagine why you think your perspective is the privlieged one because you were born female.
Your posting is so extreme, bro.
It’s not uncommon for guys experience that too, so it does not help your argument.
Hey, I know how to promote symmetry! How about don’t assign people roles based on their genitalia.
God, I’m so wacky.
I ain’t your “bro” – what is your problem, anyway? I’m giving my own experience and, I should think, some well-needed corrective to molly-coddling.
So take it on home, son.
I just find postings like this juvenile and try hard, I’m just giving my own experience too:
I think I see a failure to communicate here in regards to this approaching women and asking for a date thingy.
I am in a bar or some other random get together and I see some lady. And this is the type of get together that my chances of seeing her again are fairly low. But she is pretty much a stranger to me. If I wish to get to know her I am going to have make the move, do some shucking and jiving, and maybe get a date for later. If I get that I will actually learn enough to decide if its worth pursing further.
Thats fine and needs to be done (though I think that the man has to do it all is BS) if thats the main or only source of women for you.
However, for many folks, including myself, we don’t need to approach random stranger women to have a decent pool. We have fellow students, friends, friends of friends, friends of relatives (and in the deep south relatives), relatives of friends, coworkers, neighbors, other members of the Capitan and Toneill fan club (or other hobbies/interests), coworkers, women we meet due to our jobs, and in general women we interact with on a regular basis as we go about our life.
For us types of people, we generally don’t need the “cold call” date scene to meet women we might be interested in. Our pool is sufficient. We get to know these women enough to know a little something about them. For us a date isnt a chance to meet a stranger. A date is chance to take someone we basically know and an exploration of whether we want to take it to the next level.
Except you seem to expect the man to take all the initiative/do the racheting (heh 
)?!
What, exactly, would you know about social competence? Haven’t all of your interpersonal relationships been disastrous failures?
As I said in the other thread, for most people, exposing yourself to possible rejection by someone you like is an investment. It’s not purchasing a house, but is an investment no less. Having someone you know and like say “no” to you can be a jab to your feelings. You do know what those are, right? Those are what well-adjusted human beings have; I can’t speak for oblivious automatons. I’d say someone who can just carelessly ask people out left and right with absolutely no reservations is the kind of clueless and annoying cretin who the rest of us think don’t “get it.”
Odd. While the convention is that men ask women out (right or wrong) you, the woman, find yourself having to pursue men most of the time. Perhaps it’s because you’re socially inept and don’t realize nobody likes you?
Is this a serious question? The obvious answer being yes, on top of which a socially clueless person berating everyone about their cluelessness, gets this thread a 10/10 in my book.
Brava!
You are one very lucky person.
Back when I was single I ‘got around’ with many people and I certainly did not have this pool to draw on. Friends didn’t know any single women, family was not very close and/or didn’t give a damn…also applies to friends of relatives.
Coworkers and women I meet in my job? Whoa…can of worms…HUGE can of worms. Also what many would consider unprofessional. Yes Miss EVP of marketing…you want to get a drink? {shudder at the possible reprocussions of that!}
Is this maybe an age thing? Sure, when I was young and most women were single, billfish’s method is good…in your 30’s? Not so sure. Good if you can get it though.
Some of us didn’t have that luxury.
Thats certainly understandable. And I don’t wanna give the impression that I ever was or currently am drowning in potential “date” material. I was/am in enough that, if I was in the market, I’d at least have some to work with before I would have to start chatting up total strangers.
I just think we need to differentiate the date (or trying to get one) thats the random stranger/cold call from the date that’s going to come from the person you actually know already know fair bit about.
Those two aren’t remotely the same thing IMO.
The same thing popped into my head. In thinking about it, I know there are some topics where you don’t have to show personal success to know what’s what. I just don’t really think that relationships are one of those topics, other than in the really big, obvious ways like, “Don’t get involved with someone who kills your mom and your cat.”
even sven, I’ve never really had the impression that you were feeling symmetrical and balanced in your relationships. It is a good goal. Over-investing in someone is not usually very wise and unequal relationships tend to lead to unhappy outcomes. But what makes you confident that you know the way to avoid that? Do you feel that your relationships have avoided that? Like I said, that isn’t the impression I’ve had.