Okay, I just encounter a problem. A good friend tells me “Hey, Jess, ---- really likes you, and wants you to go out with him”. Fine, he’s testing the waters. I can deal with that. When he gets his best friend, and the rest of our friend circle grossly involved with “fixing” us up, I have a problem. During the two days we all spent together, he barely says 5 words to me, yet still the entire group is hounding me about him. I would have went out with him, had he ask. He’s not my type, but I normally don’t turn a guy down unless he is really bad, becuase I don’t like rejection, so I know they don’t either, and I know it takes courgage to ask a girl out. I finally told his friend to forget, I wasn’t interested. When word got around to the guy, he finally spoke to me. “Fuck you Bitch” (text message actaully). So, am I a bitch? Does anyone out there see where I am to blame here? Help me out guys, how could I have better handle the situation? 
Do you recall specifically your words to him? Were they “No, tell him to forget about it, I’m not interested in him” as in “that clueless loser” or as in “I used to be interested in him, but since he started kicking puppies on weekends and blinding kittens during lunch break I’m not interested.”?
Or something else?
You’re not responsible for this guys feelings, either for you or against you. And you’re certainly not responsible for his lack of effort in building a relationship.
Guys are sensitive. And, truth be known, a little paranoid - particularly the younger ones, especially if still tripping out on adolescent hormones. Maybe, for reasons that were all in his head, he felt rejected by you - which would explain why he wouldn’t talk to you. Unfortunate if you actually did (or do?) like the guy, but no fault of yours.
But if the most personal thing he can say is, “fuck you bitch”, this guy needs a few years to grow up - for now, you’re not missing a thing. That’s true even if he happens to be 55.
He’s very young, isn’t he? Sounds quite immature. Not much you can do about that. He just needs time to grow up.
Theres nothing you could have done better, he sounds like an idiot. I can’t believe he said that to you, it’s a major sign of immaturity.
Sleep well at night knowing you made the correct decision.
You don’t owe him anything.
Just be glad you didn’t say yes and figure out a few weeks later how much of an ass he is. Anyone who does that is obviously a moron who would show you no respect in a relationship.
But for future suitors, you should tell thier messenger friends that if they want to ask you out, tell THEM to do it. Cut the middle man.
You could have said to yourself, “Self, everyone is telling me how much this guy likes me, yet when we are around each other he doesn’t say a word. Hmmm…maybe he is shy around girls he digs. I know, I’ll be a little forward with him and see what develops. He doesn’t seem like my type, but if he really is too shy to talk to me, then he is probably completely miserable, his spirit being completely crushed between the powerful attraction to me and the gut wrenching fear that he suffers through no fault of his own. I’ll ask him out. My hunch may turn out to be true–that is, he’s not my type; however, I will be committing a great act of charity that is sure to have a massive positive impact on my karma.”
Of course, that doesn’t explain his reaction which suggests that your hunch was correct–he wasn’t your type. In the future, when a guy conspicuously (sp?) doesn’t talk to you, test the hypothesis that he’s shy. Don’t make the bonehead mistake of thinking that shyness with women leads to wimpiness in the rest of his life. I’d go toe-to-toe with a grizzly to save a child if it came to it, but I’d never have the guts to ask the child’s mother out on a date.
Word.
Given what you wrote, I don’t think you could or should have done anything different.
Guys who react to rejection with “fuck you bitch” deserve to die in abject solitude. The last person to blame here is you.
I say, anyone that’s not got enough stones to ask someone out deserves what they get. Rejection from someone that barely knows you doesn’t hurt that much.
Once I found that out (about a year after highschool) my life improved immensely.
I’m happy that you found out that he is immature now rather than later.
A real mature guy would have dealt with it in another way. Plus, you don’t need his approach where he asks his friends to be the messenger cause what kind of relationship would you have with him in the future if that’s his mode of communication?
“fuck you bitch”
if he says that to you on the first rejection, he is likely to say it again when you refuse an offer for a date. and then again when you refuse to lend him money. you’re one lucky lass.
then again he could probably turn out to be a nice guy who needs someone to get clsoe to him. but there are more of these kind of people out there who wouldn’t say “fuck you bitch” if you reject them.
yep, the middleman sucks. if you want to ask a girl, do it yourself. if she rejects you, ask again a few weeks later. don’t do it more than 3 times, though; that’s getting near to stalking.
oh, if she suddenly tells you she likes you, waaay after you’ve made your last offer, your best bet is to reject. a person who can’t make up his/her mind is not to be trusted. if you like him/her but currently can’t find the time to start a relationship, tell him/her, and suggest a suitable time frame when you would like to start (e.g. i’ve got major work commitments, maybe we could get in touch 6 months later).
but if you make an offer like that make sure you follow through. don’t lose interest halfway.
I suppose you’d tell someone suffering from depression to just cheer up. Shyness has nothing to do with having “stones”.
The guy’s reaction definately made him sound like a dick–she’s certainly not a bitch just for not being interested in him and even if she were a bitch (for other reasons) that still doesn’t justify the text message.