Uugh! For the last month I’ve been exchanging glances with a woman that rides the same train as me in the mornings. Since last week I have been telling myself that “today will be the day I break the ice.” Well, I keep chickening out. The problem is that she is always with her friends and I can’t seem to think of a good way to ask her or get her away from her friends. Today, though, she was alone. I waited 'til we got to our destination, but she beat me off the train and was off on her way. I was tempted to go after her, but I didn’t want to seem weird. Here’s the thing - Friday is my last day taking the train. I have to ask her just so I know either way if there is a chance. I’d rather ask her and get turned down than not to ask at all. If she’s back w/ her friends how can I do this w/o seeming “weird” or something. This will be the first girl I’ve asked out in about 4 or 5 months since me and my ex- broke up. This is tough. For reference I’m 23 and she appears to be about the same age or younger and a student. Thanks.
In the immortal words of our good friends at Nike, Inc., “just do it.”
I tend to approach much of life with a “death-bed” philosophy. That is, if I were lying on my death bed, would I regret not taking the chance?
Something to think about.
Critter - you must seize the day or risk having this lovely creature inhabit your mind’s “woulda coulda” file for the rest of your natural life.
It’s not necessary to get her away from her friends to ask her out for coffee or something. She might consider it charming that you’re asking her out in front of her friends - risking all that public humiliation and whatnot.
Here is my reco, which will henceforth be known as The THespos Method:
Resign yourself to the benefits and/or consequences. Repeat after me: “This woman is going to be delighted that I’m asking her out. The worst that could happen is that she says no and I’ll have to ride the train with her through Friday. Regardless, at least I’ll know where I stand.”
Summon courage. If this is an evening train ride, a couple beers probably wouldn’t hurt. If it’s in the morning, concentrate on this mantra:
“I am the Mack Daddy. I am going to walk over and absolutely charm her socks off. I’ve seen her looking at me. She wouldn’t be looking if she wasn’t interested.”
- Script it, but don’t make it look like you’re sticking to a script. You should do the following:
a) Introduce yourself.
b) Explain that you’ve seen her riding the train before and that she seems like she’s a cool person.
c) Ask for her number so you can call her for a date.
If this were my problem, my script would result in the following.
(Walks over.) Hey, how are you? My name’s Tom. (Shake hands and wait for her to introduce herself.) I keep seeing you every day on the train and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get together for some coffee some time. (Wait for response.) If positive: Great, then maybe I could get your number so I can give you a call… If negative: Oh, okay. Sorry to have bothered you. Lemme know if you change your mind. (Walks away.)
It’s been my experience that although I might sometimes think the contrary, there are far more women out there that are flattered to be asked out than there are evil bitches who enjoy stomping on someone’s heart in a public place. Go for it!
Thanks for the advice so far. THespos, I especially appreciate the scenario you set up for me and the dialogue and everything. My biggest hang-up is the whole “with friends” thing. I guess I just have to just say “what the hell” and ask her friends or not.
I’ll keep you posted.
Good advice from THespos.
Perhaps a successful train dating story will help…
About 10 years ago I was riding into work one morning with two buddies. We descended into a four seater inhabited by a brunette beauty. We began joking with her, and she pretty much gave tit-for-tat.
Next morning, I rode in by myself, saw her sitting in the same seat and sat down next to her. As we flipped through the paper, I stopped at the movie section and asked her what movie we were going to see.
We went out that night…dated on and off for about a year, and are still good friends today.
Four days left to make your move…post tomorrow and let us know what happened!
This is one of those paradoxial (hope that’s a word) situations. First, you could ask her & she might say ‘no’.
However, if you never ask her, she is saying an imaginary ‘no’ anyway.
Since you didn’t ask her, so far, she has said ‘no’…so, what do you have to lose by asking her?
chuckle We arent as scary as we might seem. Most girls are completely flattered if a guy takes enough interest in us to summon the courage to actually ask us out or tell us we’ve got a remarkable smile (That works every time), at the very least, expect us to blush and smile and think about you for the rest of the day. Dont try to be overconfident. We like guys who look like they’re actually putting forth an effort to get to know us. If you look like you’ve done it alot… you’re not gonna get the same genuine response.
And smile and be sincere.
Girls are alot easier going than you think. =)
Just ask her out. Ask her tomorrow. Do it right away, before anything can get in the way. If you let it go, you’ll find that she’s screwing around with your boss…
Well, I finally asked her today. I just mustered up the courage and asked. However, she has a boyfriend BUT, she did say w/ a great smile “I have a boyfriend or else I would.”
Although I would have been happier if she didn’t have a boyfriend, I feel so much better at least knowing. I actually walked away w/ a smile on my face and I feel so much better. My confidence has been restored! Thanks for everyone’s encouragement.
Moral: Asking and getting turned down is much better than not asking and wondering what could have been.
When I was still inexperienced in the ways, an older more worldly friend of mine once told me… “The hesitator’s the masterbater”
Things have been different since.
punk snot dead,
That’s a classic…good advice for anyone. Thanks!
Critter, yes she has a boyfriend. You’ll find out that the ‘failure’ rate of asking women out is high (It is much higher for me since I’m only 5’7" which knocks out probably half of the women who would say yes if I was taller).
However! A no is just a no, no big deal. But getting a yes can lead to many great possibilities (like marriage to a hot babe to me)
I really like the ‘deathbed’ philosophy. I used to be really bashful and left a couple of really big coulda/shoulda’s. I vowed to never, ever suffer one more of those. That got my courage up. After you get shot down many times, getting turned down is no big deal, but a ‘yes’ remains thrilling.
That’s awesome!!! It’s great when someone overcomes a fear, and I get to sorta watch. Way to go Citter.
THespos…you gave some great advice. Nice job.
I really like hanging out here.
Ah, the old boyfriend line. I always tell the woman that I don’t care if they have a boyfriend. I just say that Id like to be their friend & get to know them, not to get to know whether they have a boyfriend or not. They love that kinda talk too.
Women use the ‘I have a boyfriend’ line even if they don’t have a boyfriend and are not interested. It is an easy way to say no. However, I think most unmarried women have boyfriends. I would be curious as to what the percent is? Based on my and my wife’s unmarried female friends, I would guess close to 100% but that could just be because my wife and I move in certain ‘circles’ and only meet couples.
In college a long time ago, a woman once turned me down saying she had a boyfriend and then a week later went out on a blind date with a friend of mine. How’s that for ego destroying? She preferred a blind date over me!
How do you use the icons???
Advice 1) Ignore handy
Advice 2) Did you give her a business card, or manage any way she might be able to get a hold of you? I suppose I might be a bit presumptious here, but when a girl responds with an “I have a boyfriend, but…” I tend to read that as her implying that she might be looking for alternatives. If she’s young, chances are good its not the most serious boyfriend, and who knows what will be the case in a month. Granted its a long shot, but don’t you like the thought that she might act on the “or else I would” comment. If you consider approaching her again, don’t imply that you’re looking for anything illicit, or that she might be looking to dump him, but simply offer your number.
Tell her that you’re not going to be riding the train anymore (for whatever reason) and though she has a boyfriend, you’d still love to buy her a cup of coffee and a scone sometime.
Then hand her your number.
It’s a nice out…plus makes you look like a good guy.
As a matter of fact, I DID give her my business card and said that if anything should change or if she just wanted a friend to e-mail me. There is always that possibility.
I really don’t think she was just “giving me the boyfriend line” and I think she was pretty sincere. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.
I like hanging out here too JimmyNipples.
*Originally posted by Critter *
Perhaps you misunderstood…I’m naked.
I’m hanging out all over the place.