I agree, and I didn’t immediately think about height when I made my earlier post, because, compared to hair and ED, there aren’t as many products out there which are targeted to shorter guys, with the specific goal of enhancing their height (other than shoe lifts and elevator shoes).
When I was in college, and had a work-study job, there was another student in that office who was one of the most drop-dead gorgeous women I’ve ever personally known – she looked a lot like how Farrah Fawcett had looked when she was a young model. She was about 5’8", and she openly said that she refused to date any guy who was shorter than 6’1", as she wanted to be able to look up at him when they hugged and kissed. (And, with her looks, she could certainly pick and choose.)
Suddenly finding myself single for the first time in 15 years, well past the point of being young and fit, I find that my baldness might be a problem, judging by some of the comments I’ve seen in online dating profiles. I had no concept of that at all. So now I’m pretty self-conscious about that particular aspect of my body image, though I recognize there isn’t really anything I can do about it.
I do. But not in a way that involves beating myself up. I look at Jason Statham, Rambo or Michaelangelo’s David and think: “If I get halfway to that, or even a quarter of the way, it’ll be great.”. I’m already maybe 1/8th, especially if I dress in a way that’s both athletic and clean-cut.
The funny thing is, that in my experience, really tall women, like 5’10+, get over this. I was working a movie in college, and for some reason, the college women’s basketball team came to it. Something like 20 women, all over 5’9, most at least 6’. Most had a date with them, and fewer than have (of the ones with men) were with taller men. Only a couple were with exceptionally short men, but several were with guys who were an inch or two shorter than they were.
This amuses me too. I like the bald look on a few men, and while I will admit, that if you interviewed 100 women, and asked them what their favorite type of hair was on men, it’s unlikely anyone would say “shaved,” or “none,” women as a rule DO NOT MAKE FUN OF BALDNESS. If a guy has a neat Socratic fringe, it prompts no comment. What do prompt all sorts of jokes are these: combovers, toupees, and weaves. And yes, weaves are obvious.
My mother’s brother has been bald since about the age of 27. He has a great collection of hats. I have to say, a cool hat is way more attractive than a combover.
Honestly, though, IME, men like my uncle who started to go bald in their 20s tend to deal with it better than men who go bald in middle age. I think because men in their 20s know they are young still, hair or no. With men losing their hair in their 40s, they see it as a sign of aging. If they can keep their hair, they can keep their youth.
I wish I were fitter, taller, more muscular, better looking. But it’s not something that’s a high priority to me, and I never feel like my prospects in society are largely dictated by my physical appearance.
I’ve been in better shape and better looking than I am now, so I know what it takes. Eating better, exercising more, not drinking. Honestly, it’s a lot of work for what I’d gain. And every year the work is more and the gains are less.
Strange, I don’t know any women who care about male baldness. Best you know upfront which women are that shallow, I suppose. I do see online dating profiles where the man says “… and I have all my own hair!” and I feel sorry for him if he thinks that’s something to boast about (also that he apparently thinks we can’t see this for ourselves).
I think this is true with many men. Our self-image comes more from having a good job, money in the bank, marketable skills, good earning potential. Crass commercialism? Perhaps. Or maybe just knowing that we can be a good provider for our family.
When I was young I wanted bigger arms and a six pack, but I just didn’t have the genetics to make it happen. I had a tiny bit of belly even when I was a very good distance runner. Ms. P pointed out to me early on that there was more to nice arms than size. Even in my mid fifties there’s some definition. I saw early on that there were plenty of guys not built as well as I was who were attracting a lot more women, so I’ve always just tried to concentrate on staying healthy. When I’ve succeeded at that, looking decent has been a by-product.
I have a nice thick head of hair, but I don’t recall any woman other than a hair dresser complement me on it.
As long as my body is able to do the things I want to do with it, I have not paid too much attention to the superficial things. I work on staying fairly fit and having endurance to enjoy a long bike ride, hiking a mountain peak, skiing or snowboarding, or just enjoying a long walk. It turns out working on fitness rather than aesthetics affords both. Since I am over 50 now I am invisible to women anyway.
Regarding the hair thing: I did not really care about my thinning, receding hair at all until I was 50 and just decided I wanted to try shaving my head. It was for me, not for anyone else. I have kept it this way for ease, convenience, and it feels better. Had I not been losing my hair, tho, I would not have shaved my head. For guys worried about losing their hair - my guess is women will prefer someone who owns it rather than trying to cover it up - either own the Ceaser or just decisively shave it off - whatever you do just own it with confidence.
I’m kind of in the middle on this. I definitely do not have a good impression of myself, and sometimes look at myself in horror. When I was younger, I rarely went to beaches, because I was so ashamed of my appearance.
But now, I’m old. I’m too fat, and not the good-looking kind of all-over chubbiness either (ref: Naheed Nenshi, mayor of Calgary). No, I have ‘dad bod’ without any of the successes of being a dad. Blobby around the waist, but limbs sort of normal.
Plus, I am going bald. Though I managed to distract from this by having my hair dyed blue. (I did it for a costume party, and decided I liked it.)
And, I don’t have enough money to do an end-run around the social handicap of my appearance in the straight world. And I don’t have a good enough appearance to be successful in the gay world.
As they age, men might have it slightly easier in Hollywood, but the average guy…?
That scene, from Captain America: The First Avenger, is pure male wish-fulfillment; Steve Rogers, the classic 98 lb weakling, goes into the Magic Muscle Machine, gets pumped full of serum and zapped with rays, causing excruciating pain (and the pain is an integral part of the fantasy). The Designated Love Interest is upset and says to stop the process, but the 98 lb Weakling gasps out “No! I can do this!” And when the process is over, and the eggheads open up the Magic Muscle Machine, the Weakling is transformed into the Hero: muscular biceps and pectorals, six-pack abs, a tan. He’s even gained some height. This scene plays right to a fantasy rooted in male fears of powerlessness; it was not written to appeal to women.
Men don’t face the same degree of body-image pressure that women do, I think; but we definitely do get some. A data point of one, but I know that I certainly felt better about myself after I lost 60-odd pounds, a few years ago, and started running; I’m not ashamed of my body any longer, and am unabashedly and absurdly vain about my legs.
Which is perhaps typical of another difference between the way men and women perceive their own bodies; it seems to me that women are more likely to criticize some part of their body - “My thighs are fat/my butt’s too big/my boobs are too small” - whereas men seem to focus on the areas of their bodies that they like: “Yo, check out the gun show/my sick abs/my sweet delts!” In college, I lived on a hall with a guy who had a legitimate porn-star dick, probably 8 or 9 inches; I knew this because he made a point of showing it off at every occasion. And comparing it favorably to those of us on the other side of that particular bell curve.
No way in hell I’m going to kill myself for a 6 pack unless I take up a bunch of new interests in which i am constantly taking my shirt off.
I’m always amused when a male Hollywood character, no matter the part, could be a college professor, takes his shirt off. ALWAYS ripped. And you never would have known that if they didn’t put in an obligatory reason to take his shirt off.
Well, seeing as I’m sitting at home in my recliner, I’ll comment. No, I do not care. I’m average height, and average weight for my height. Age has taken its toll on my looks, but nothing that would be unusual for a man my age. I cannot think of a male celebrity that I wish looked like.
Nor to me. My ex-wife was taller than I am, by an inch or two, in our bare feet. The only time it caused problems was when she wanted to wear high heels–she always worried about the height difference between she and I, when she wore heels. I told her that she should not worry; and in the end, we always had fun at parties and dances, even though (with heels), she was three to four inches taller than me.
Perhaps the thing–men are more easily willing to accept their limitations. No amount of diet and exercise will make me taller than I am, and I accept that. I never worried about being shorter than her, and she eventually learned not to worry about being taller than me.
Although there’s the popular meme of guys getting up, throwing on whatever slovenly clothes, taking a glance in the mirror and being happy, in practice, most men are well aware of their physical shortcomings, especially now in 2020. Things might have been very different a couple of generations ago.
And yeah “shortcomings”, pun somewhat intended, as plenty of men worry about the size of their junk as well as the more obvious stuff like height, weight, muscle mass. It’s not very manly to admit it, but men for sure think about this stuff; just search for youtube videos for “regrow head hair” or “how to look taller”; you’ll find videos with tens of millions of views. Let alone how to get “killer abs” or whatever.
Well health reasons, vanity/beauty and because, as men, we feel somewhat obliged to be strong or at least appear strong.
I’m not sure I’d agree about the average guy in his recliner. Probably a minority of men do fullblown bodybuilding, but a large proportion of non-elderly male adults do some form of exercise with at least one goal being weight loss and increase in muscle mass. I wouldn’t automatically agree that these men would make up the minority; it’s borderline I think.
You may be making the common error of assuming that men who exercise all appear athletic or muscular. That kind of physique is a goal of regular exercise but the majority of men do not get results that are so noticeable that you can tell even when they’re wearing normal clothes.
I read some articles a while ago that said that one of the biggest stressors in het relationships is that while women confide in and rely on other female friends and relatives to process emotional issues, men rely solely on their wife or girlfriend to fulfill that role. Which makes me wonder if some of the posters here who don’t believe there are body image issues in their cohort simply don’t have any male friends who feel like it’s something they can safely admit to. To be vulnerable is to be weak and to be weak is unmanly and unmanliness is the greatest sin of all.
I also think, and this is maybe a little mean. Y’all old. If you’re 60 and been married for 35 years, yeah who cares if you have a gut or your hihelens are a little flabby? If you’re 15-35, though and/or single, it hits different.
I think a lot of women like a sense of “protection” and having a guy who is bigger adds to that. Not from a rational standpoint, but people’s feelings are not rational - it’s just an ingrained feeling.
That’s true, but there’s more as well.
Firstly, men are more focused on women’s bodies than women are on men’s, and this means that women need to focus more on their bodies to be attractive to men than men do to be attractive to women. (Conversely, men need to focus more on things like having a high status job, for similar reasons.)
But I think another part of it is the societal expectation that men do the initiating. If you’re not going to do the initiating yourself, then you need to stand out in some visible way so as to attract interest, and appearance is naturally going to be a big part of that. If your approach is going to be to do some salesmanship then you’re not relying as much on appearance.
But the important thing is that these are just factors which underlie the issue. The “attractive to the opposite sex” is just a reason for society to put a lot of stock in good looks (and more in the case of women, as above). But once society comes to value good looks, then this has a force of its own, even for people who are not trying to attract anyone.
I suspect that younger women would care a lot more than older women, since the dating pool for younger women contains relatively few bald men, who tend to stand out. This changes with age, and when a high percentage of the men - including successful and high status men - in your potential dating pool are bald, then it becomes a much smaller deal.