Do heterosexual men get so intimidated by a woman’s looks, talents, and/or intelligence that they’ll fail to approach her? I’ve heard that, but it doesn’t make sense (“Oh no, she’s pretty and smart… not going anywhere near her. Where is the ugly, stupid women I saw a few minutes ago?” seems at best an unlikely thing for someone to think.) Also, it doesn’t seem to be the case for those of my friends who are beautiful and brilliant.
So, the real question is does anyone ever really get intimidated in such a way? Or is “intimidated by your intelligence/looks” to women what “too nice” is to men?
The intimidation works more like “That great of a catch can’t be single – she must already be taken. If she isn’t taken, she must not want a relationship.”, or, “She’s out of my league – she won’t be interested in me.”
I’m married to a woman who is incredibly intelligent and beautiful and I was terribly intimidated by her at first. In fact, she was the one who had to initiate the relationship. I’ve always thought that the phenomenon of which you speak is just a case of insecurity or low self esteem on the man’s part. I didn’t approach Molly because I didn’t think I was good enough for her. Even if I was, I thought that there would be no way in hell that she would even consider dating me.
To not be intimidated by beautiful, intelligent, and talented women is to have a healthy sense of self confidence. I think many men do not have this. I’m working on it. Step one: call myself “Nate the Great.”
Sure. I did. (married now) I always preferred girls that I found to be pretty or even plain, but gorgeous women made me uncomfortable. Since my perception at the time was that gorgeous women could have any guy they wanted, I was worried that if they were with me, they would be ever conscious that they could be with someone “better.”
This doesn’t have anything to do with my own self-esteem (I’ve always had a probably inflated view of myself), only with how I measure up in someone else’s eyes in comparison with others.
On the other hand, I have never been intimidated by a woman’s talent or intelligence. Well, that is, until I really got to know my wife.
I did spend some time with gorgeous women and it really turned me off because in those cases they only liked me if I acted like I didn’t give a damn about them. And since I’m very frank and sincere by nature, I could only do that if really didn’t give a damn. Catch-22.
I would imagine almost all of us, at one time or another, have been intimidated, too nervous, or sure of rejection, and so held back from some women.
Probably happens to the gay/lesbian people, too.
It’s just human nature.
If someone says it’s absolutely never happened to them, they’re either lying, a completely self assured person, or a deluded a-hole. That’s my take on it, anyways…
Sure, on occassion I have been intimidated. Okay, on every occassion involving the other woman I’ve been intimidated to one degree or another.
In most cases, I have not approached the woman in question. On the other hand, all the women I have been involved with would be considered by the majority of men to be absolutely stunning. Go figure… somehow some weird thing happens and I get lucky, not sure how but I don’t complain either.
On thing I heard or read once that gets me over the hump is the thought that no matter how good looking she may be, someone out there is sick and tired of her shit. It tends to bring her back donw to earth in my mind and thereby approachable vs. the large “OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodSheIsSoHotHotHot!” level I’ve built her up to be in my mind.
MeanJoe - Who is married now and is referring to pre-marriage, including meeting Mrs.Joe.
I’m intimidated by women I find attractive before I get to know them, beacuse I feel anything I say will be awkward, and will annoy them. As soon as we know each other though there are no problems or intimidation. I can’t imagine it doesn’t happen to all types and sexes of people though.
Cheers, Bippy
The most common intimidation I’ve personally experienced and have otherwise heard about is not so much intimidation to just approach a girl - but intimidation to open up to one and really let yourself be close.
Goregeous, intelligent women (don’t exist, cough-cough, who said that?) are sexy as hell and usually attract a whole lot of fellas, so I think it’d be hard to label them as intimidating in the sense that they’re hard to approach.
But the more insightful and attractive a women is, the harder a guy falls - and THAT’S what scares us. It’s intimidating to be smitten, you don’t like to open yourself up because the more smitten you are, the greater the potential there is to be hurt.
Talent and smarts don’t intimidate me. I’m really attracted to those qualities in a woman. But looks? I grew up believing that very pretty girls wouldn’t want to talk to me. I never really got over that mistaken belief.
CrazyMonkey, AskNott, that’s pretty much how it works for me too. To this day, I have great difficulty in persuading myself that I might have a chance in Romance. And of course this carries over to other parts of life. Beautiful women are plentiful at my workplace; they tend to be married, but even so, there are some women, ones I don’t actually work with, whom I almost never speak to, because I have a hard time thinking past these personal hangups and thinking that they’d even be friendly with me.
For me it really depends on how well I know the person.
See, I have a pretty good and pretty pessimistic imagination. Anything I don’t know for a girl, my imagination makes up the worst possible scenarios.
Approach a total and totally hot stranger? Never in a million years. She could be a total bitch, a man hater, be dating the linebacker for the mafia all stars, be a total bimbo, have a dozen guys wrapped around her finger and always be on the hunt for more, etc.
Approach a totally hot, totally smart co-worker or FOAF? If I know for a fact she’s smart, (very much) single, emotionally balanced, and all that good stuff, I’ll go for it.
Unfortunately, though I’m a sparkling conversationalist, my flirting skills suck so nothing will ever come of it but, hey, it could be worse.
That’s the reason I met my first two girlfriends through the internet. By the time we met face to face and I saw how good looking they were, we were already past the “getting up the courage” phase.
What you mean is the female equivalent of the Alpha male and usually indicates an annoyingly big ego. These people, male or female are always unpleasant, competitive and agressive.
No. Some guys are more afflicted by it than others, but even some of the most unlikely candidates will admit that a certain woman is just too amazing to approach.
