Guys, I have some rather disturbing news about Paula Deen...

First off, make sure you’re sitting down before you read any further because what I’m about to tell you will completely shake you to your foundation.

Ready?..
[Sigh] Okay… Paula Deen is a racist

I know, I know, just take a deep breathe and try to absorb all that in. I know it’s a lot to process.

Seriously though, I was going to let this one go until I saw the bizarre video in the link above. Freaky shit.

It’s also worth noting she was a no show on the Today show this morning. So she can take her non apology apology and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

Shocking!

She’s now been effectively fired from the Food Network. I suspect the Today Show was originally planned as disaster control for her image. But if she knew this morning that her contract would not be renewed I can’t blame her for not showing up. If your career is dead why go through the public grovelling?

Food Network stuck a fork in her. She’s done.

She’s made mistakes? What, she meant to call a black guy ‘sir’ and it accidently came out as “porch monkey” or something?

Somewhere, Anthony Bourdain is having a smoke and a scotch, and laughing his ass off.

When was the use of the “n” word?

The Daily Beast article (linked in the Slate article) claims a former employee is stating that the language was used in his presence, but doesn’t say when, right?.

The only time stamp mentioned is 1986.

Is she being fired for using a naughty word 25+ years ago? Or is it because of her excuse “I’m from the old South”?

Hey, it happens. The other day I called my mom and I meant to say, “Hi mom.” but what came out was, “Hi you fucking whore.”

I already knew there were people who got nostalgic about the antebellum South, but it’s still of stunning to hear somebody talk about how formal and cute some guys dressed as house slaves would be while appearing untroubled by the fact that they’re supposed to be slaves - or by the idea of asking some guys to pretend to be slaves as props for your amusement. I guess it’s not all that different from people waxing nostalgic over, say, the costumes and things in Mad Men while glossing over the sexism and racism of the period, but on the other hand, holy shit- it’s slavery.

I think the firing was for her “duh, of course I’ve said ‘nigger’” attitude. And for her now two weird and rambling “apology videos.”

Well, OK, it was probably for no-showing on the Today show. I suspect Food Network hated that the most.

Am I still the only one who watched her first appearance on Oprah, then watched her Biography, and noticed that the two stories didn’t match up one little bit?

I don’t know if the apologies had anything to do with it. They fired her because these stories made her look like a racist or at least someone who is completely clueless about race, and they didn’t want to be associated with that.

They found somethiing worse than her deep fried butter balls.

Dammit! I just invested half of my money in butter and butter related stocks.

You’re just a big old meanie who wants to oppress that woman, she’s been through a lot you know, and you need to not be so cruel. She was a single mom with crippling agoraphobia, you know!

(Ouch, sorry. Mock apologias hurt.)

I really don’t understand how anybody as aggressively stupid as Paula Deen has become as successful and famous as she has. She’s (ahem) “no-nonsense”* and has a thick drawl and cooks high-fat fried food… um, welcome to Georgia, I can introduce you to fifty women who match that description in a variety of ages and complexions at the nearest Wal-Mart- what made her a millionaire?

I think slavery is a bad thing and I don’t care who knows it- you can quote me even- but the foremost reason I would ever side with the North in a Civil War would be the appeal of bankrupting three of my least favorite Southern women: Paula Deen, Senator Lindsey Graham, and Nancy Grace.
*no-nonsense being a euphemism for limited tact, social graces, or interests beyond the quotidian

I think we can safely say that America’s love of butter will survive the fall of Paula Deen.

I was in the audience for that Oprah taping (the one where the mixer explodes). Everybody in the audience got a plate of food - a piece of fried chicken and a slice of pound cake.

For anybody who hasn’t seen the absolute must-see Oprah-Paula video.

GANGY 5: GUESS WHO’S COMIN’ FOR DIN-DIN

That’s a whoosh, right?

You can say what you want about the Confederate flag, but I don’t think any modern Civil War would be over slavery.